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my girlfreind's mum
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi ya,
I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman who I've been with for 5 months now and have known her since last year, and everythings been going brilliant, we have are ups and downs the same as everyone else, but has been the best things to happen to me in long time, and within the next few months will be starting uni doing course I love, and will be nearby to hear,The thing is both her and her mother have been through alot this past year, I wont go into details but through the highs and lows that I know her I have and will be with her, by now you see she means alot to me.
I've met her mum twice last year; their family being traditonaly jewish whereas I'm bit more secular, and things seem fine when I met her, but recently I've found out that her mum had a big aurgment with her because about her wanting to spend a romantic nigth away together with me, was not pleasant, but we got over it and are going just for the day, I told my girlfreind that I know how important any mother is to her daugther and I did'nt want to do anything to upset that, only later on did I find out that her mum does'nt like me, which is her oppinon seeing that its her daugther that means so much to me, we hav'nt let it bother us that much, it just at some point in time I'd like to talk to her mum and try and let her know that her daugther is a important part of my life and try and clear the air.
Was just wondering if anyone else has been in that situation and could help out with some advise?
Chad
I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman who I've been with for 5 months now and have known her since last year, and everythings been going brilliant, we have are ups and downs the same as everyone else, but has been the best things to happen to me in long time, and within the next few months will be starting uni doing course I love, and will be nearby to hear,The thing is both her and her mother have been through alot this past year, I wont go into details but through the highs and lows that I know her I have and will be with her, by now you see she means alot to me.
I've met her mum twice last year; their family being traditonaly jewish whereas I'm bit more secular, and things seem fine when I met her, but recently I've found out that her mum had a big aurgment with her because about her wanting to spend a romantic nigth away together with me, was not pleasant, but we got over it and are going just for the day, I told my girlfreind that I know how important any mother is to her daugther and I did'nt want to do anything to upset that, only later on did I find out that her mum does'nt like me, which is her oppinon seeing that its her daugther that means so much to me, we hav'nt let it bother us that much, it just at some point in time I'd like to talk to her mum and try and let her know that her daugther is a important part of my life and try and clear the air.
Was just wondering if anyone else has been in that situation and could help out with some advise?
Chad
0
Comments
Oh yes. My gf's parents both hate me. Meeting them for the first time, they made this clear from the outset. I told them to fuck off and offered the father outside when he became aggressive - as is my style :cool:
Needless to say, I haven't been invited back.
We're in our mid twenties though, she isn't living with them and there is no religious aspect. They see me as a bum, hence their disapproval. For you, the best thing to do is try to keep them sweet as much as you can without grovelling, tell them how you feel about her and if they can't come to accept it with time, simply pretend they don't exist.
Ultimately its between you and her, personally I couldn't give a fuck what a girl's parents think. Also, don't be worried that it will cause problems between you - I don't know anyone who has split up because of parents not liking a bf or gf, if anything parental disapproval only strengthens a relationship. Forbidden fruit is irresistable for the female sex. The problem would be their refusal to let her spend the night with you, but I get the sense this would be a problem for ANYONE she was going out with...as she gets older, they will not reasonably be able to control her like this.
BA is right allthough obviously it isn't that simple -obviously you are looking for a way around it without creating a warzone or bad feeling/atmosphere. parents quite often throw the whole "while you are living in my house you will live by my rules" argument at you and while yes you are an adult, you do have to either respect their rules, find a compromise or move out.
i'm guessing moving out isn't an option so we will have to look for a way to compromise and get your mum to relax her rules. is your mum a single parent? are you an only child? what is ment by traditionally jewish? synagogue religiously or home practice? how old is mum? is this your first serious boyfriend she has been introduced to? (im guessing yes from other threads but could be wrong) what sort of meetings were the twice? formal or informal and for how long?
if your mum has only met him for a short time then maybe she hasnt had the chance to warm to him yet, and this combined with one of the above or maybe another issue has caused her to find the weekend away thing more than she is comfortable. maybe she underestimating how you feel about each other because this is the first boyfriend that she has had to deal with, and it's a bit of a shock to her system.
you can either go the spliffie way and not care, or you can try and build up the relationship between them. maybe a heart to heart chat with her too in a calm adult way? This might help if she is having trouble recognising you are a grown up and that you want to live a grown up life. calmly and firmly explain how you feel about him, that it is a serious thing not casual and see what she says? try and arrange it maybe so that mum and chad can get to know each other a bit better too, if she is given the chance to get to know him and like him and see that he is a nice guy who will treat you well, then maybe after some time you may find she will be more open to letting you have a weekend away.
my other half says that in his experience, mum's are a sucker for a bit of charm, nothing too over the top but little things that in a subtle way that help mums warm to the boyfriend.
There has been some good advice here by **Summer-Raindrops** and it would be a shame for you to feel like you have to lie to your mum to do what you want.
As you mentioned, it's just you and your mum now, and you have had a rough year. She's obviously very protective of you and doesn't want to lose you too - or "let go" yet:
Chad seems to be willing to meet up with her again and perhaps in time this can happen. Meanwhile, how about having a calm rational discussion about this with your mum? It seems that every time you fight about him, it starts by you mentioning to see him or go away with him. Perhaps let the conversation start by having a seat and explaining to her what he means to you, and that you will always be her daughter and nothing and no one can change that.
Sometimes all a mother needs is reassurance. It might take some time for her to adjust, and some patience from you - but as you said you get along brilliantly with her that it would be a shame to let this get between you two - giving her time might be just what she needs.
Good luck *hug*