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No feeling for him during sex - advice appreciated!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hiya, this may be long and rambling so please bear with me!
I'm 25 and female, and have just start dating a guy who is 24 - I have only ever had relationships with women in the past and as such have never slept with a man. My boyfriend has had only one previous sexual relationship.
Everything between us is good other than the fact that he can't maintain an erection during sex. He seems to be ok beforehand, during foreplay, and I have given him handjobs which have had the desired effect, but as soon as we try and have actual sex he loses his erection. We use condoms and initially he thought this might have been the problem as he got the extra safe ones and thought they might be too thick as he said he couldn't feel anything; however I'm concerned as I tried to give him a blow job without protection and he said he couldn't feel anything then either....
I have tried to talk to him about this, and to be honest he didn't seem too worried about it: he said that he thought he was masturbating too much (I don't know how much he thinks is too much!) and this was why it wasn't working. I've looked on the internet and read suggestions that men can become "trained" to a certain feeling which makes them come, and as intercourse feels different to this they can't ejaculate through having sex; but that they can effectively "re-train" themselves to overcome this.
I have a few major concerns really - namely that I'm doing something wrong (I'm so inexperienced with guys that I really have very little clue what's good and what's not) or that he might never enjoy sex. I am also worried that he couldn't feel anything when I went down on him either, although I have done before and it seemed to work just fine.....
Basically, I was wondering if anyone else had had this issue, either themselves or their partner and what they did to combat it? Also if there is anything I personally can do which will help, like if there are any positions which might be better for increasing sensation... I know everyone is different, and god knows I have tried to find out what turns him on, but his answer was "I don't know, I don't have a kink". When I asked if he wanted to try anything specific he said he wasn't sure what there was to try (:yeees: ) and that he doesn't watch porn so he didn't have anything that he'd seen that turned him on specifically or anything like that. To be honest, it is difficult because I really want him to enjoy us sleeping together - I do not have any expectations for myself, but for me I feel like a failure for being unable to make him come.
Any help would be excellent, whatever it is! x
I'm 25 and female, and have just start dating a guy who is 24 - I have only ever had relationships with women in the past and as such have never slept with a man. My boyfriend has had only one previous sexual relationship.
Everything between us is good other than the fact that he can't maintain an erection during sex. He seems to be ok beforehand, during foreplay, and I have given him handjobs which have had the desired effect, but as soon as we try and have actual sex he loses his erection. We use condoms and initially he thought this might have been the problem as he got the extra safe ones and thought they might be too thick as he said he couldn't feel anything; however I'm concerned as I tried to give him a blow job without protection and he said he couldn't feel anything then either....
I have tried to talk to him about this, and to be honest he didn't seem too worried about it: he said that he thought he was masturbating too much (I don't know how much he thinks is too much!) and this was why it wasn't working. I've looked on the internet and read suggestions that men can become "trained" to a certain feeling which makes them come, and as intercourse feels different to this they can't ejaculate through having sex; but that they can effectively "re-train" themselves to overcome this.
I have a few major concerns really - namely that I'm doing something wrong (I'm so inexperienced with guys that I really have very little clue what's good and what's not) or that he might never enjoy sex. I am also worried that he couldn't feel anything when I went down on him either, although I have done before and it seemed to work just fine.....
Basically, I was wondering if anyone else had had this issue, either themselves or their partner and what they did to combat it? Also if there is anything I personally can do which will help, like if there are any positions which might be better for increasing sensation... I know everyone is different, and god knows I have tried to find out what turns him on, but his answer was "I don't know, I don't have a kink". When I asked if he wanted to try anything specific he said he wasn't sure what there was to try (:yeees: ) and that he doesn't watch porn so he didn't have anything that he'd seen that turned him on specifically or anything like that. To be honest, it is difficult because I really want him to enjoy us sleeping together - I do not have any expectations for myself, but for me I feel like a failure for being unable to make him come.
Any help would be excellent, whatever it is! x
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Comments
If you start out kissing and stroking each other - but not bringing him to climax manually as that takes the fun out of it - you can explore a bit and get him riled up. If he's harder because he's aroused from all the foreplay, he'll also be more sensitive, and more taken by lust. These should help him stay hard and lose any potential anxieties he might have, and if nothing else, it can take the pressure off just tickling and kissing each other all over for an afternoon - there is no strict mandate of 'today's sex session will last for 25 minutes with some mutual masturbation concluding in intercourse where you will ejaculate inside me'. Just go with the flow
Good luck!