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Please tell me how stupid I am.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Something's not right again, and I can't pinpoint it and this isn't the worse I've felt but I feel like I am going off the rails a bit again 
I needed to get out the house earlier, so I went for a walk, and something told me to go by some tobacco and so I did. I smoked two cigarettes (apart from a few in uni that contained weed, I've never smoked) and it made my head dizzy but in a good way (yeah, writing this it doesn't make sense to me either).
I'm scared. I'm scared I will do this more and more and become addicted. I don't want that but I like what I felt.
Please tell me it's stupid. I don't know what to do.
I needed to get out the house earlier, so I went for a walk, and something told me to go by some tobacco and so I did. I smoked two cigarettes (apart from a few in uni that contained weed, I've never smoked) and it made my head dizzy but in a good way (yeah, writing this it doesn't make sense to me either).
I'm scared. I'm scared I will do this more and more and become addicted. I don't want that but I like what I felt.
Please tell me it's stupid. I don't know what to do.
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Comments
Put them down now and don't go back. I guarantee you will regret it otherwise.
Smoking is the only thing I regret in my life.
Good to see you've posted about this so soon to talk through how you feel. Smoking 2 cigarettes isn't that bad in itself. However, it seems that you are scared by your motivation behind going out to buy them and how you feel a bit out of control doing it...This is perhaps more the issue that the smoking itself?
There is some more information here about smoking, and I'm sure you are aware of the health damage it can do, so the advice is - try not to take it up.
You have been able to recognise when something just doesn't feel 'right', you should listen to your body and mind when it speaks to you in this way. Is sound's like you have been down a similar road before? Is there anything that helped you last time - any people that supported you? Can you speak to any of these people? What about talking to your GP? Also keep posting on here to discuss / vent. Take care
I've been down a similar road yeah, but then I felt worse, if that makes sense. I got over it last time but more by waiting it out than anything (I went to my old GP and did about 4 councilling sessions) and talking to my old housemate but we no longer really speak- longish story. I hate GP's though and have just registered with a new one, no idea what they are like. No one knows how I feel either, so it's not something I can easily bring up.
Your new GP may be a different experience than before, and don't forget this isn't the same road you're going down. Each road is a new one. You might find that your new GP is better / more helpful and that you are more responsive to any treatment or therapies they suggest? The fact that you don't have contact with the person you confided in last time also shows that things have moved on for you. So maybe there is someone else in your life now that you can talk to? A friend, or family member. Someone you trust.
There is always help and support out there. Take care
That's Carbon monoxide not the nicotine. Once you become a full on smoker you hardly ever get to enjoy that rush.
Like MoK, nicotine is one of the biggest regrets in my life. Constantly battling the urge to smoke. I've done a lot of drugs in my time, this is the only one I ever regret.