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Bloody exes

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Eternal, universal problem.

I'm very happy in my relationship (nearly a year), she's lovely and perfect for me and she tells me nice things that make me feel good. I can see this going somewhere.

So why is it that I still get pissed off whenever I have to deal with anything involving my ex having a boyfriend?! It's been 2 years (which is - only just - longer than we were together) and she was totally wrong for me in a number of ways.

I guess it's that she's the only other person I've been with and it hurt a lot when it ended (mostly her decision) so... meh.

It just makes me angry that she still has any influence over my feelings. :banghead:

It was much easier when she was single, and living alone in Paris.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* I know i get a bit miffed if i see one of my exes getting close with someone else

    Is it the idea that shes with someone at all, or that she has a boyfriend and not a girlfriend?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a dream the other night which involved an ex that I haven't seen for six years (aside from on the street and the various emails he's insisted on sending me). I woke up shaking and almost in tears.

    Last night I had a dream about another ex - that I was only with for six months and broke up with three weeks before I got with Rich - and I woke up this morning upset about that.

    I think it's normal, my love. You're happy in your relationship, so don't worry about this too much. Knowing that someone who was more important to us than we were to them (which, forgive me if I'm wrong, is the impression I get about this one?) is happy with someone else is always going to hurt.

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Is it the idea that shes with someone at all, or that she has a boyfriend and not a girlfriend?
    Well, one of the things when we broke up was that her guardian had spent a long time undermining the relationship (which, I felt was both rather unkind and a lot to do with my gender) and that she had decided she wanted to sleep with boys afterall. So a bit of both, really.

    And that I can't help feeling it matters more to me than to her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Piccolo, I was in the position of your ex a year ago, when I broke up with my girlfriend and started dating a boy. Things didn't work out for a number of reasons, but wanting to go back to men wasn't one of them - it just so happened that the next person I fell for was a guy.

    At the time my ex was pretty pissed, and I beat myself up about it. I thought I was betraying her and my sexuality by sleeping with men again. But then I realised I had been totally in love with her, and it had never been a conscious decision to 'take the easy way out', in fact it would have saved me a lot of soul searching angst to date girls. What I'm trying to say is the ol' cliche of 'it's the person, not the gender' turned out to be pretty true. Your ex probably had some issues swapping back herself, and may have felt pretty guilty about it. The fact that she is with a man doesn't mean that she has in some way undermined your relationship - she hasn't chosen to be with men over you, she's chosen a person.

    If you were broken up with, that is probably going to smart for years to come - I think the breaker upper has more time to come to terms with the end of the relationship, and bounces back faster (kind of a no-brainer). But don't let it be about her new heterosexual relationship undermining what you had together.

    In my case, my ex and I managed to patch things up a couple of months ago. I think she still misses the relationship, but realises that it was all for the best and has been unbelievably accepting of my new relationship. I know all these feelings are not rationally controllable, but anyway I really hope it works out for you - sounds like you have something great going on with your new lady :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »
    Hi Piccolo, I was in the position of your ex a year ago, when I broke up with my girlfriend and started dating a boy. Things didn't work out for a number of reasons, but wanting to go back to men wasn't one of them - it just so happened that the next person I fell for was a guy. ... The fact that she is with a man doesn't mean that she has in some way undermined your relationship - she hasn't chosen to be with men over you, she's chosen a person.
    It's just one of those things that was an issue when we were together - hers not mine - and so stung a bit.

    It's almost easier for me, I can't just beat myself up over not being slim/pretty/whatever enough because I can't compare myself to the new bloke.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia that was a really good post i thought :yes:

    piccolo i agree with what she said pretty much! but also, was just wondering.. do you have your ex on ye olde facebook? if so delete! no point torturing yourself. i am just wondering how you are hearing about her and the guy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »
    talia that was a really good post i thought :yes:

    piccolo i agree with what she said pretty much! but also, was just wondering.. do you have your ex on ye olde facebook? if so delete! no point torturing yourself. i am just wondering how you are hearing about her and the guy.

    She wrote it on a friend's event
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex dumped me nearly 3 years ago now, which was longer than we were together and he's been with a new gf about 2 years now. I'm over him but every now and then when I have a 'meh' moment and start thinking about it I get quite down. I still blame myself every now and then when I'm having a 'I hate myself day' and I realise pretty much every guy I've ever been involved with is now happy with someone else and I'm still single, and I think 'what's so wrong with me?'. I can really sympathise, I think there's always going to be one person that just keeps a hold of you no matter how long it's been, especially if they're the one that hurt you. It's never easy, but I think the best you can do is to just remember how happy you are with your new gf, your ex is the past and this is the future.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is hard getting over an ex,I finished with mine nearly 3 years ago now and as shes still friends with my mates gf we regularly talk about her.

    Its weird,sometimes I`m completely fine but then I can think about her or some of the times I spent with her and I feel all weird and......lonely maybe?
    Definitely reflective.

    I also have a lot of guilt too,I feel I kind of fucked her up a bit emotionally as I was very immature and jealous too as she`d been with a lot more people than me,had a kid (he was pretty awesome) and I was also stressed and depressed cos of my job.

    But,apparently she still wants to be friends,which is cool with me as we did have a great laugh and underneath all her walls and barriers shes a really sweet,lovely girl.

    lol.....I know how this is sounding.
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