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Being abroad and feeling meh.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm mostly posting this here so that it can at least go somewhere and not cause an almighty hoo-ha back home.
As I posted yonks back, I'm on a year abroad as part of my degree and split up with my ex because I didn't think I'd cope very well with that arrangement. We agreed we'd keep in touch and see how things were when I came back.
I've had a few ups and downs but on the whole, I've been doing better than expected (I've been medication free since last Easter and haven't tried to harm myself since a couple of weeks after that) but I can't help feeling like I'm being forgotten. I try to keep in touch with people as best I can, always make sure I reply to any messages I get, send people birthday cards and stuff but for the most part, the contact has been very one-way, especially with my ex. So many people that I thought I was ok with have deleted me off Facebook, I don't get responses to messages or if I do get a message from somebody, it's often drunk and incomprehensible or it's an arsey message having a go at me for something I've said or done that I didn't realise was a problem. Argh.
I haven't heard from my ex since a couple of days after Christmas. I know that he has other things going on/isn't amazing at keeping in touch with people but it winds me up that I hear nothing from him but I then hear from other people about how he's doing x,y & z, stuff that he refused completely to do with me. The other problem is a girl who we'll call Laura. I like her and I generally get on with her but I've always had my suspicions about her and my ex (they used to work together.) He's always been a bit different towards her and it used to piss me off a bit but he said there was nothing going on. She's now started at my uni back home and is pretty much the best of friends with all of my old friends, the ones who are pretty much ignoring me. I'm jealous of her and scared that she'll get with my ex. Obviously I want to be mature (maturer than I used to be, anyway) and be like 'Yay! I'm glad we all get on!' and if she gets with my ex then be happy for them but I know I'll probably just be all like 'You bitch!'
Aha. I don't know if this is a normal way of feeling or my bpd messing with me. I guess I'm just generally scared that I'm being forgotten and I'll come home having very few friends left, especially as the majority of them are graduating this year, but that this is the more specific worry.
Thanks for reading this. I'm going to continue munching on chocolate and trying not to cry. Normally I'd let it all out but I'm in a hostel, so y'know...
As I posted yonks back, I'm on a year abroad as part of my degree and split up with my ex because I didn't think I'd cope very well with that arrangement. We agreed we'd keep in touch and see how things were when I came back.
I've had a few ups and downs but on the whole, I've been doing better than expected (I've been medication free since last Easter and haven't tried to harm myself since a couple of weeks after that) but I can't help feeling like I'm being forgotten. I try to keep in touch with people as best I can, always make sure I reply to any messages I get, send people birthday cards and stuff but for the most part, the contact has been very one-way, especially with my ex. So many people that I thought I was ok with have deleted me off Facebook, I don't get responses to messages or if I do get a message from somebody, it's often drunk and incomprehensible or it's an arsey message having a go at me for something I've said or done that I didn't realise was a problem. Argh.
I haven't heard from my ex since a couple of days after Christmas. I know that he has other things going on/isn't amazing at keeping in touch with people but it winds me up that I hear nothing from him but I then hear from other people about how he's doing x,y & z, stuff that he refused completely to do with me. The other problem is a girl who we'll call Laura. I like her and I generally get on with her but I've always had my suspicions about her and my ex (they used to work together.) He's always been a bit different towards her and it used to piss me off a bit but he said there was nothing going on. She's now started at my uni back home and is pretty much the best of friends with all of my old friends, the ones who are pretty much ignoring me. I'm jealous of her and scared that she'll get with my ex. Obviously I want to be mature (maturer than I used to be, anyway) and be like 'Yay! I'm glad we all get on!' and if she gets with my ex then be happy for them but I know I'll probably just be all like 'You bitch!'
Aha. I don't know if this is a normal way of feeling or my bpd messing with me. I guess I'm just generally scared that I'm being forgotten and I'll come home having very few friends left, especially as the majority of them are graduating this year, but that this is the more specific worry.
Thanks for reading this. I'm going to continue munching on chocolate and trying not to cry. Normally I'd let it all out but I'm in a hostel, so y'know...
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Comments
If that was me, id fuck the lot of them off, if they werent making me feel good
I think with the ex, the distance is def making it feel worse than it is. *hugs*
Also, how have things been since you came back? Did people get back in touch or are you still being ignored?
I was living variously in: Wellington (8 months) I loved this city, great cafe culture and good bars, friendly people and amazing seaside suburbs also (places like Island Bay)
Whangarei- (big town, Northland) This is a typical nz town so not loads different but lovely and subtropical and has a nice marina bit.
Thames- (on the Coromandel- Nth Island)- One of my fav places! you have to see this place, coast road all the way up, stunning bush in the middle, just wow.
gah, when are you heading there? i need a bit of time to think over the places i've been lol
Ooooh one thing off the top of my head, if you like LOTR you can see the set at the moment before filming starts for the Hobbit... they have rebuilt the holes and are landscaping atm... amazing!!!
I'm going to be living in Wellington too! I arrive on Valentine's Day so not long. Got a couple of days left in LA, then down to Fiji and then I FINALLY arrive *dances*
OMG! I will definitely go check out the hobbit holes
It's been an interesting trip Suzy, I just wish I'd had more luck with cameras
Some people I've ditched as they never replied. I've made new friends since moving back from uni and they are good friends. But yeah the one sided thing clicks with me.