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Critical boyfriend - please help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi everyone, i could really do with some advice right now. I will try and give you a brief summary of events so far.

Admired and fancied guy at work for a while - we started going out a couple of months ago. He makes my heart skip when he walks in the office and i could quite easily fall head over heels in love with him...the only thing that's stopping that is his attitude towards me.

He knows i have liked him for ages and i fear he is going out with me for an ego boost. He occasionally says things like i'm his 'dream girl' and he's booked holidays for us quite a few months in advance, which makes me think he wants to stay with me, but then he will criticise me all the time and make me so upset. I have tried to confront him about this and said that i am quite sensitive, but he just tells me that i need to sort myself out and not take things so seriously. But what he says hurts me, and the way he acts is not fair. Examples:
  • He doesnt want anyone at work to know about us
  • I am unlike any of his other girlfriends - they didnt wear make-up, do their hair etc but i do! When i asked him if he liked my hair when i had it done he said 'if i wanted a doll i'd buy a barbie'. This crushed me.
  • He mocks my cooking skills, my driving, my clothes...pretty much everything.

My confidence is very low and i feel so low sometimes when i am with him. But other times are great and the chemistry is really there between us...he just gives me mixed signs all the time.

Have thought about breaking up with him but i work with him - i love my job and it is well paid. I cant possibly leave there but i certainly couldnt work with him every day if we broke up.

I just want him to love me...or at least really like me. He's my dream guy, i just wish i was his...

What should i do?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let him go if im honest, even if it's heartache to do so, a real "dream guy" would treat you like a goddess regardless.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno, that sounds really hurtful. I wouldnt like that at all. Hes putting you down a lot, and who'd do that to someone they really liked?

    Id be very careful and not let yourself get in too deep there, or he will zap your confidence
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's an arsehole. You know that otherwise you wouldn't be posting this.

    You also know what you have to do.

    A partner is someone who completes you, they should make you feel great about yourself and not like shit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

    Id be very careful and not let yourself get in too deep there, or he will zap your confidence

    :yes:

    If you end up with him i can see you becoming very insecure and unconfident, doing everything just to please him. If he really liked you, he wouldnt keep making snide comments.

    Also dont let him push you out of your job. If he threatens you, physically or otherwise, then make a complaint. He sounds like an arrogant womaniser to me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    :yes:

    If you end up with him i can see you becoming very insecure and unconfident, doing everything just to please him. If he really liked you, he wouldnt keep making snide comments.

    Also dont let him push you out of your job. If he threatens you, physically or otherwise, then make a complaint. He sounds like an arrogant womaniser to me

    i fink u deserve better if u break up wif him tht dont mean tht u hav to quit ur job could u and him not jusd be friends . move and and find a nice guy who really likes ya and complments ya. hope i hav helped :) xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    forever in the darkx wrote: »
    if u break up wif him tht dont mean tht u hav to quit ur job could u and him not jusd be friends . move and and find a nice guy who really likes ya and complments ya. hope i hav helped :) xx

    Yep, no reason why you'd have to quit your job if you make it an amicable split. He really doesn't sound like he particularly likes you, so I expect he wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Either way, you shouldn't stay with someone who constantly criticises and puts you down.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive kinda been in this situation. me and my ex bf would have good days and bad days, on the bad days he would criticise me alot and we would just walk around not really talking. i ended it after everything that happened, i couldnt stay with him because even though i loved him and knew it would be hard to let go i knew i needed to. i wasnt me when i was around him and then gradually when i was with my friends i just changed. i realised this in bed one night when trying to get to sleep but failing majorly. i just felt sick. what he was doing to me wasnt good and i left him. it was the hardest good bye ever. but it was for the best. i got over him and now im really happy and back to me. it was probably the hardest goodbye but believe it was worth it. :) hope this helped xxx good luck x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MoK wrote: »
    A partner is someone who completes you, they should make you feel great about yourself and not like shit.

    Absolutely this.

    If he really liked you he would be sorry for upsetting you, even if it was over something stupid and you WERE being oversensitive (although tbh it doesn't sound like you are). You don't need to sort yourself out at all, you need to find someone who loves you for you, warts and all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know its hard but u really just should end it, don't be nasty just say to him its not working out, i will tell u now he will be SHOCKED.
    Thats why he is treating u like shit because he thinks he is better than u because u admired him from afar for a while, u are very right about the ego boost for him but what are u getting out of it?? Feeling insecure at this stage is frighful and trust me it will only get worse.
    When u are with someone who loves u and u love them u should be happy and be yourself and feel complete.
    The longer u leave it the harder it will be.
    But if u handle it well and have some friends for support u shouldn't have to leave your job.
    Goodluck x
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