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Telling the ex I've moved on....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and I broke up in August last year. It was my decision, he had to move out of our place, he took it really badly, and although we've worked hard to stay friends (and it's going ok), I know he still has very strong feelings for me and isn't over me at all. He's said he wants us to stay friends and that he'll work hard at not letting his feelings for me be a problem between us, but has also said that he can't predict how he'll react if he finds out I'm with someone else.
I've started seeing a new guy - we've been taking things really slowly and have only just started referring to each other between the two of us as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', although if we meet new people we don't use those terms. We've been seeing each other (I guess that's the term?) for about 2/3 months. Needless to say, the ex doesn't know.
This weekend a big group of my friends are going out to a comedy club for a mate's birthday, and as the new guy lives about an hour's drive away and we only get to see each other at weekends, he's coming along too.
Thing is, I know a couple of my ex's work mates will be there, and it'll undoubtedly get back to him that I've shown up with a guy. We're both naturally tactile people, so although we wouldn't be making a point of being all touchy-feely in front of everyone, it's more than likely that everyone will know he's not just a friend.
I'm really torn about this; my ex is strong, but I know finding out about the new guy will break his heart all over again. Should I tell him first or let the grapevine do the work rather than make it into a big deal? It has been 6 months, so it's not like I've jumped straight into someone's bed and I know I have every right to move on, but I care about him and I'm scared that this might jeapordise the friendship we've both worked so hard to maintain. How can I safeguard what we've managed to pull from the wreckage?
I've started seeing a new guy - we've been taking things really slowly and have only just started referring to each other between the two of us as 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', although if we meet new people we don't use those terms. We've been seeing each other (I guess that's the term?) for about 2/3 months. Needless to say, the ex doesn't know.
This weekend a big group of my friends are going out to a comedy club for a mate's birthday, and as the new guy lives about an hour's drive away and we only get to see each other at weekends, he's coming along too.
Thing is, I know a couple of my ex's work mates will be there, and it'll undoubtedly get back to him that I've shown up with a guy. We're both naturally tactile people, so although we wouldn't be making a point of being all touchy-feely in front of everyone, it's more than likely that everyone will know he's not just a friend.
I'm really torn about this; my ex is strong, but I know finding out about the new guy will break his heart all over again. Should I tell him first or let the grapevine do the work rather than make it into a big deal? It has been 6 months, so it's not like I've jumped straight into someone's bed and I know I have every right to move on, but I care about him and I'm scared that this might jeapordise the friendship we've both worked so hard to maintain. How can I safeguard what we've managed to pull from the wreckage?
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Comments
I have a feeling if I say we need to meet up this week for a chat he'll know what I'm going to say....
Eeesh - certainly easier for me, but I'm not really comfortable with that - I think if I'm going to tell him myself it has to be face to face. Thanks for the suggestion, though
Elsie Xxx