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Why are they nice to me ??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well, before i start.. underneath i know this is a physcological problem,
but despite that it still affects me, and knowing this rarely actually helps me.
Im not going to claim to having a horrible childhood, because i know that it was a decent one, because i have never been abused or anything along those lines.
I just feel that since i was about 5, i have grown up with... limited (?) love.
Now im 15, im used to it, and it doesn't bother me at all.
But what gets to me is when adults, especially teachers are kind to me, as im used to being told im getting on everyodys nerves and wasting their time.
I never know how to react, and often end in tears, which scares a lot of them. the other problem is when i cant really explain why it is im crying.
For example, last week i had a drama exam... and i was feeling terrible, ill.
I was losing my voice, it hurt to breath my throat was that swollen, had been throwing up that day and had almost fainted and fallen down the stairs minutes before my exam.
My friend told all this to our teacher who turned to me and said "You know you can't miss this exam," etc.etc.
I told her i understood this, and i did, it was exactly what i had said to my friend, but my teacher was so sympathetic and kind, i just started crying. Which probably made her feel she was being a right mean cow lol.
I dont know exactly why i wanted to post this, i just want to talk to somebody about it, in hope that maybe i can try to sort my head out?
but despite that it still affects me, and knowing this rarely actually helps me.
Im not going to claim to having a horrible childhood, because i know that it was a decent one, because i have never been abused or anything along those lines.
I just feel that since i was about 5, i have grown up with... limited (?) love.
Now im 15, im used to it, and it doesn't bother me at all.
But what gets to me is when adults, especially teachers are kind to me, as im used to being told im getting on everyodys nerves and wasting their time.
I never know how to react, and often end in tears, which scares a lot of them. the other problem is when i cant really explain why it is im crying.
For example, last week i had a drama exam... and i was feeling terrible, ill.
I was losing my voice, it hurt to breath my throat was that swollen, had been throwing up that day and had almost fainted and fallen down the stairs minutes before my exam.
My friend told all this to our teacher who turned to me and said "You know you can't miss this exam," etc.etc.
I told her i understood this, and i did, it was exactly what i had said to my friend, but my teacher was so sympathetic and kind, i just started crying. Which probably made her feel she was being a right mean cow lol.
I dont know exactly why i wanted to post this, i just want to talk to somebody about it, in hope that maybe i can try to sort my head out?
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Comments
i am getting councelling soon (through school) for my s/h..
should i ask them where to go to?
How did your exams go? Hope they went well, i know it must have been hard while all this was happening.
As Sits on Totem mentioned, it is good that you know why you react this way when someone is nice to you. You might not be sure exactly where it stems or how to stop it, but this is something that counselling can help you discover.
You say you will start counselling soon at school which is great news. If you need or want to continue further, or speak to someone away from school, how about finding a counsellor locally? Your local advice finder can help with this. If you wish to speak to someone anonymously as well, you could call a national helpline.
Keep posting here for anything you need,
Good luck
im linking it to my low self-esteem, and is actually one of the things i do have some small control of right now
although nothing much is happening, its not really spiralling out of control like everything else is.
Because of all the support im getting at the moment, i think im slightly getting used to it, but only from certain individuals.. :S
ive never had a panic attack before, well not because of people being nice..
but considering that i probably would if it were a maternal family member.
Person i talk to most (and often cry when she is nice) is used to me by now, which kind of helps me aswell , in some weird way :S
Also because of getting so much support around school, people are around being kind literally ALL the time.. which is helping me become used to it.