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alone and unhappy..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
i can't remember the last time i felt truely happy and care free.i usually feel alone and upset but tonight i feel worse. for the past few days my sleep pattern has become worse than usual and i'm running on empty.i feel like i'm worrying about things all the time. i've s/h in the past and had a councellor but my parents and close friends think i've dealt with my issues but i haven't. i feel like i'm going back to how i was before and i've started to s/h again.i'm worried because as i mentioned before i don't want people to see my cuts but i'm playing netball tomorrow.i find it difficult to be totally honest with anyone and atm i dont trust myself when i'm feeling like this...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you think has changed tonight, to make you feel more unhappy? It sounds stupid, but go and make yourself something to eat and a nice hot mug of milk with honey or syrup in it, try and get your blood sugar levels up a bit. You might feel a bit better.

    I'm not being patronising about that, I've suffered from depression and SH for years and I only ever have my worst episodes when I've not been eating and sleeping properly. It all catches up and gets on top of me, so I relapse, although mostly I'm "recovered".

    What's going on in your life at the moment? Do you have exams or anything like that? Do you have anything at all? Being bored and stuck in the house all day is just as stressful as having too much to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont know,nothing has happened tonight i just feel really low :(.. hmm i might try something like that but i know i will feel fat and guilty afterwards and worse about myself.
    you dont sound patronizing at all its nice to talk to someone, i usually bottle stuff up and s/h to release emotions. i feel like i'm falling back into s/h and depression. i try sleep properly but it just doesnt happen.
    i've got exams when i go back to school which i know is adding to the way i feel but i've felt like this for a long time before exams and the stress they bring.i wake up every morning and cry.
    i am new to the site so its still a bit hard to get used to the idea i can talk openly about how i'm feeling
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is up to you how openly you want to talk, but there are a lot of people who either are experiencing or have experienced the sorts of things you are. We're always about if you want to vent or talk about things.

    You can't expect to feel well mentally if you don't put good fuel into your body, but I genuinely do understand that it isn't as simple as that. Having something to eat can help stabilise things, but I do know it's probably the last thing you feel like doing. Have something small and fairly low in calories, see how you get on.

    As for the wider stuff with the SH, what sort of feelings do you vent with it? What sorts of stuff make you feel so bad that you just HAVE to cut? For me it was always anger that drove me, when I thought I'd done something really stupid I had to punish myself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess i'll just wait until breakfast see how i feel then :-/ not sure.
    i feel hatred for myself and who i am! i get angry and cry and use s/h as an outlet. i did stop s/h but it never really left my head which is why i've started doing it again only this time i don't want to get caught out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's OK to need to come back to S/H when things are bad. I have a pet theory that S/H is a bit of an addiction, with all those endorphins, and it will always be there or thereabouts. It's a powerful thing and hard to give up. I found it really hard because of the endorphins and because, quite frankly, I enjoyed damaging my body in such a horrific way.

    I've been "recovered" for five years but I still do it sometimes, it is just what happens. It's OK to not be OK.

    You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, but what do you hate the most? What is the real trigger for your anger? Mine was always failure, for instance, and I have a very liberal definition of failure- anything less than perfection is failure for me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know that it will always be there in my life i'm just waiting for the next big episode but i know that the people around me dont understand it and i dont even know what they would think if they found out i think about it all the time. i guess because of people around me i've learnt that its not ok to go back to s/h
    i've already s/h twice tonight
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