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Jealous for no reason?!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Its going to sound very pathetic to anyone else that reads this but its something that i cant get out of my head and i dont know how to change it!!!

So my boyfriend leaves his facebook on my laptop, i see a message from a girl who recently joined his band. He tells her she better email an address id never heard of before if there gonna carry on talking. At this time i was going through a very emotional patch so i got suspicious and questioned why they couldnt just carry on on facebook. He said there was nothing in it he was just getting to know her and i believe him.
Since she joined all i ever hear is him and his mates going on about how fit and skinny she is and what theyd do to her! Its disgusting! Shes already broken 2 people up and slept with his mates. He goes on about how i should dress more like her and act like her, to him hes trying to help but its making me SO JEALOUS!
Since day one ive just had a bad feeling about her. She is even always in my dreams cheating with my boy. If anyone brings her up in convo i just tense and get really jealous! Its ridiculous really as shes never done anything to upset me i just cant get it in my head to wanna try and get to know her!

Basically what shall i do to get over these stupid thoughts in my mind about her! She hasnt even done anything!! My boyfriend of 2 years is so so lovely i know he'd never cheat with anyone but i still cant stand him being around her. :banghead:

I know i should probably just grow up and get over it right! :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the most important part is to clarify to your bloke that it's not on telling you to look or act more like somebody else. Just tell him it's hurtful and reduces your confidence. Maybe he means well and isn't being nasty but it's better to just tell him so he can stop doing it to you.

    Then I think you ought to work on your self esteem, you say you trust your bloke but at the same time you seem very uncertain of yourself in this post and threatened by this girl. You need to reset those negative thoughts that you're in some way inferior. There's many ways to boost self esteem and I believe there's an article on that somewhere on the main site.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it's any consolation to you, I think this is adequate reason to be jealous. Your boyfriend behaves totally out of line and I would not be THAT convinced that he wouldn't cheat if the allure and chance was big enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah that's more than an adequate reason to be jealous. I think you have reason to be suspicious if he's going on about how hot he thinks she is and telling you to dress like her.

    I wouldn't listen to a girl talking about hot she thinks some other guy is and telling me to dress like him, I'd be astounded by the audacity & promptly tell her to GTF. Not your style perhaps, but it's time to call him on it and have a serious talk at least.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying!
    I agree he was out of line.. and he knows it, but as I said I really do trust him, he is so close to my whole family and I just know he wouldn't cheat. He's not like his mates!
    The problem is her, she makes me feel small by just looking at me! And when were all out for drinks or at his gigs its so obvious I'm avoiding her! People are asking my bf why and I don't really have a valid answer other than jealousy :/ It's becoming so awkward. What shall I do.. just go and speak to her? Sounds so childish, I've never felt like this about anyone before! I am normally a very confident person! Wish she never turned up!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bailey5 wrote: »
    Thanks for replying!
    I agree he was out of line.. and he knows it, but as I said I really do trust him, he is so close to my whole family and I just know he wouldn't cheat. He's not like his mates!
    The problem is her, she makes me feel small by just looking at me! And when were all out for drinks or at his gigs its so obvious I'm avoiding her! People are asking my bf why and I don't really have a valid answer other than jealousy :/ It's becoming so awkward. What shall I do.. just go and speak to her? Sounds so childish, I've never felt like this about anyone before! I am normally a very confident person! Wish she never turned up!

    I wouldn't speak to her about it, i'd simply stop avoiding her. Just be civil, why take issue with her when the issue is seemingly with your boyfriend? if there's nothing to suggest she's looking to seduce him or even thinks of him in that way, she's pretty much the innocent party.

    You need to have a word with him instead, tell him you've got a problem with the way he's been talking about her. Or perhaps the next time he's waxing lyrical about her, simply suggest he gets with her and bones her all he wants....see what he says?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id be jealous too x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Bailey5!

    It's always good to post in order to vent, it really helps! Seems like this jealousy issue is really bothering you, and you seem to feel guilty that you are wrong by feeling this way.

    As other people mentioned, perhaps it is a good idea to communicate this to your boyfriend, perhaps more about you feeling insecure at times due to his actions, rather than about her as he might just dismiss it assuming you should know he would never cheat.

    You mention talking to her as well. Perhaps it is a good idea to make some kind of effort to speak to her, maybe not about this, but just to get to know her. Perhaps this will make you feel less threatened as she will become more of a real person than a "fantasy" his mates talk about. Also you mention she is in his band, so why not include yourself more?

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to keep posting :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    christele wrote: »
    You mention talking to her as well. Perhaps it is a good idea to make some kind of effort to speak to her, maybe not about this, but just to get to know her. Perhaps this will make you feel less threatened as she will become more of a real person than a "fantasy" his mates talk about. Also you mention she is in his band, so why not include yourself more?

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to keep posting :)


    Thanks for reading.
    Ive spoken to my boyfriend and he has also said that maybe talking to her will help me stop being so jealous and threatened. And maybe ill realise theres nothing to be worried about. But the more i think about it the more worked up i get and i just cant imagine doing it!
    Ive started refusing to go out with them all and to there gigs (which i used to love) because i dont wanna see her. I said because of the new year i will try my hardest but i cant i just cant!!!
    What can i do to make myself stop being so stupid and just get on with her like a normal person ! :confused:
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