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living abroad and stuck in a rut
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone. I'm not sure if this is the right category, but I would really appreciate some advice.
I have been living abroad for four years now since I left university and out of those four years I have so far spent two of them in Italy. Living abroad was my dream because I love languages and other cultures and I am now am doing the job I have always dreamed of doing. Everything should be great but I have not been feeling very happy for a quite a bit of time. I don't have much of a social life and find it hard to make real friends with people even after living here for so long. I have had relationships with Italians but they have all pretty much been a disaster and have really dented my confidence in myself and now I am starting to think whether they are worth the bother. I have one close friend here who is also the same nationality as me who lives with me in my apartment. But, most evenings I spend at home and I feel quite sad about that There are lots of things I don't like about the country I am in, but there are also many positive things and I know that I don't want to stay in at least the city I am in forever. However, I can't help thinking if it is all a waste of time and should go back home. The problem is that there are no jobs where I live and so I would have to move to a city where I wouldn't know anyone and, to be honest, I am not sure if I would really like it there either, not having had a job there really and not experienced life outside of university. I am quite a shy person and so I think that makes things quite difficult for me. I really feel stuck in a rut, but I have no idea what to do or where to do. I have never felt like this before.
I have been living abroad for four years now since I left university and out of those four years I have so far spent two of them in Italy. Living abroad was my dream because I love languages and other cultures and I am now am doing the job I have always dreamed of doing. Everything should be great but I have not been feeling very happy for a quite a bit of time. I don't have much of a social life and find it hard to make real friends with people even after living here for so long. I have had relationships with Italians but they have all pretty much been a disaster and have really dented my confidence in myself and now I am starting to think whether they are worth the bother. I have one close friend here who is also the same nationality as me who lives with me in my apartment. But, most evenings I spend at home and I feel quite sad about that There are lots of things I don't like about the country I am in, but there are also many positive things and I know that I don't want to stay in at least the city I am in forever. However, I can't help thinking if it is all a waste of time and should go back home. The problem is that there are no jobs where I live and so I would have to move to a city where I wouldn't know anyone and, to be honest, I am not sure if I would really like it there either, not having had a job there really and not experienced life outside of university. I am quite a shy person and so I think that makes things quite difficult for me. I really feel stuck in a rut, but I have no idea what to do or where to do. I have never felt like this before.
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Comments
It's really brave of you to have moved away from your home country in the first place. It takes a lot of strength and indepedence so you should be proud of that
One way of meeting new people is to join a club relating to something you're really interested in. Is there any sport/ hobby that you really enjoy?
Also, have a look here on TheSite.org about making news friends which could be a good starting point.
http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendships/makingnewfriends.
Volunteering can also be a great way to meet new people and open new doors for. You can log on to www.do-it.org.uk to look for local volunteering opportunities in your area and on days/times that suit you.
Hope this is helpful for you..and remember that we are always here to offer advice and listen.
Take Care x
First of all, good on you for getting out and seeing the world - I'm a firm believer in trying out new places to live
I've lived abroad for extended periods of time before and what you seem to be feeling does ring true. When I first moved to Germany where I lived for a couple of years in the end, I had a great time. But after a few months I found that real life kicked in, I realised I wasn't just on holiday and it all suddenly seemed a bit lonely and isolated.
One of the things which really helped me was actually to start hanging out with other expats more. Now I know this seems to defeat the object of moving to another country (or at least that's what I though for a good while) but I realised that actually, once you meet one or two new people, it becomes a lot easier to make other friends through them, both expat and native, as you can get introduced to new people a lot more often.
There tend to be a lot of forums for this sort of thing - a quick google came up with www.expatsinitaly.com which has a forum where you can chat to others about what you're up to, check listings of meetups and social groups etc. Everyone will be in the same boat so you'll immediately have something in common!
Hope that helps a little. Please do feel free to keep posting if you need new ideas, I'm sure a lot of people who've moved abroad have felt the same way at one time or another so you're not alone but it will pass, you just need to muster up the courage to get out there!
Cat xx