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What to do - the ex?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi all I'm new to this but am looking for some advice really ...

Basically I was with my ex for a few months, we done the long distance thing which was hard but when we were together it was great like we had never been apart and we both quite liked the distance. We ended up splitting up as I kind of got freaked out as things began to get more serious and I let friends interfere and found excuses to end things. It all got pretty bitter and we didn't communicate for a few months.

Recently I have distanced myself from these 'friends' and me and my ex have been back in contact again, we have been getting on really well he's been calling me alot just for catch ups, but certain things he'd say/txt such as 'thinking of you' have got me wondering where things are heading. I haven't pushed the topic but he opened up to me about the relationship and said he wished friends hadn't interfered and wonders where we would be now. He did move on quite quickly with a new girl who he was with for a few weeks but things didn't work out and has admitted to me that this was a rebound as he was so angry about what happened with us and just looked for ways to get at me.

This probably sounds really cheesy but he is an amazing guy, we get on so well, and can be so honest with each other. He's the type of guy I could see myself settling down with, kids and marriage etc. (although haven;t admitted this to him) When I think about the chance of me and him again I get 'butterfly's' and feel excited but also have this voice bringing me back to reality as things obviously didn't work before, is it worth trying again?

I just really don't know what to do ... I can feel us getting closer again but don't want to push things.

Sorry for the long essay but any help or advice would be much appreciated :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say go for it!

    You obviously still like this guy a lot, and he likes you too. Maybe what happened before the break up could be a learning experience- if the same things start to happen this time, you can look out for it and sort things out before it goes wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi x-justme01-x,

    It seems that you are ready to get back into this relationship and you even seem happy about it, yet confused at the same time. The main thing to remember here is why you really broke up? Were your friends truly the only reason, or can you remember what happened between you that perhaps did not involve your friends? If the answer is your friends then there is no reason why you shouldn't try again. Perhaps you should communicate this to him and see what he thinks. At least then you will know where you stand and how to go from there.

    Hope this helps, Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thanks alot for the advice :) I finally braved it and was just honest about the way I felt and pretty much said what I'd said here ... which felt like a relief but after telling him he 'had to go' and was wierd with me ... I brought this up and he said basically he wants to get with me but he's not bothered if he stays single either!

    Now I just don't know .... he seems to have gone cold quite quickly after he asked me to be honest with him and then the comment about him not being fussed either way just makes me wonder if he really want this?

    Even more confused than before now :/
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    x-justme01-x wrote: »
    Hi thanks alot for the advice :) I finally braved it and was just honest about the way I felt and pretty much said what I'd said here ... which felt like a relief but after telling him he 'had to go' and was wierd with me ... I brought this up and he said basically he wants to get with me but he's not bothered if he stays single either!

    Now I just don't know .... he seems to have gone cold quite quickly after he asked me to be honest with him and then the comment about him not being fussed either way just makes me wonder if he really want this?

    Even more confused than before now :/

    I would just let things lie low for a few days, he probably has to think over what he wants now it's a reality that you can get back together.. he probs does not want to put his heart on the line again and is acting ambivilent just incase!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    x-justme01-x wrote: »
    He did move on quite quickly with a new girl who he was with for a few weeks but things didn't work out and has admitted to me that this was a rebound as he was so angry about what happened with us and just looked for ways to get at me.

    Well from this part i would say no: "He did move on quite quickly with a new girl". He moved on way too fast to even love you one bit. I had a few people who were like that and it was a rebound but i wouldn't have done it one bit. If he was trying to find ways to get at you since yours and his relationship ended then thats really not a "faithful" person. Trust me i done stupid things in my life like cheating which i dont do anymore because it hurts so much to be yelled at from my friends and family after they find out that i cheated.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well after all that I distanced myself from him for a while .... which felt wierd! He called me the other night and was both honest about everything and he's now saying he wants to make a go of 'us' but I'm still completely confused about it all ... and have told him I can't give him an answer at the minute which he was happy with but said he can't wait forever.

    We've been closer again since this and been flirting and having fun and I think I've realised that I actually don't want to be tied down to a relationship .... as much as I like him and there is a part of me that wants to be with him I have really enjoyed the fun and spontaneity of it all and just having the freedom without any ties

    I know that probably makes me sound really bad but I can't help it and I feel pretty shit for saying this and giving him hope and then realising this is how I feel ...

    Do I tell him? Keep quiet? Put some distance between us?

    I just don't know!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would probably tell him that you don't want a relationship with him yet and say that you guys can be best friends and then maybe just maybe when your ready then you will say yes to him. If he truely loves you then he will wait
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again for the advice guys :) been honest with him and just said wana see how things go without any pressure of a relationship ... although he okay with it at the moment he keeps saying we need to eventually talk about us so just pushing it to one side at the moment :/ feel awful for it but just can't decide what I want to do for definite!
    He has asked me to go to London for new years and stay over .... I think I want to go but am scared I still wont have an answer for him :/

    Just confused about everything at the moment ... what do I do for the best?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should 'go with the flow' - you'll know when the right time is to talk about it, but i think you should still hang out with him and stuff :)
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