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His mother (grumble)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
You guys are so awesome, I have another bit of frustration to let out to you.
For more back story, check out the thread "I need support in supporting him"
I mentioned that I'm the major support in his life, because he prefers my approach to that of his mother. I treat him like an adult, I'm not trying to be his mother, I'm trying to be his partner. I do things to help him, I do not do things for him.
Every now and then, his mother's overwhealming mother instinct gets the best of her, and she asserts herself into the picture. She treats him like her baby (I know he is HER baby, but he's actually a full grown adult) and she really talks down to him, and acts like he's incapable of looking after himself. She asserts her way of doing things, without giving consideration to our way of doing things, and she attempts to impose morals and rules.
I am a mother myself (my kids aren't his) so I can totally get where she's coming from, and that it's coming from a place of love.
That doesn't change the fact that I'm already exaughsted and frayed at the end of the day, and dealing with her is a bit more than my nerves can handle.
She's his mom, I'm trying to stay out of it, and keep positive. I know he gets frustrated too, but I don't want to butt in and solve their relationship issues. If it bugs him enough to ask her to step back, I'll leave that up to him to do.
I just need to vent again, so I can go back to being calm and collected.
For more back story, check out the thread "I need support in supporting him"
I mentioned that I'm the major support in his life, because he prefers my approach to that of his mother. I treat him like an adult, I'm not trying to be his mother, I'm trying to be his partner. I do things to help him, I do not do things for him.
Every now and then, his mother's overwhealming mother instinct gets the best of her, and she asserts herself into the picture. She treats him like her baby (I know he is HER baby, but he's actually a full grown adult) and she really talks down to him, and acts like he's incapable of looking after himself. She asserts her way of doing things, without giving consideration to our way of doing things, and she attempts to impose morals and rules.
I am a mother myself (my kids aren't his) so I can totally get where she's coming from, and that it's coming from a place of love.
That doesn't change the fact that I'm already exaughsted and frayed at the end of the day, and dealing with her is a bit more than my nerves can handle.
She's his mom, I'm trying to stay out of it, and keep positive. I know he gets frustrated too, but I don't want to butt in and solve their relationship issues. If it bugs him enough to ask her to step back, I'll leave that up to him to do.
I just need to vent again, so I can go back to being calm and collected.
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Comments
It always feels better to vent and this is what we are here for! It must be tough to have things working a certain way and then have to deal with other people interfering and feeling like they are imposing on you. As you say, you are a mother yourself and you understand her point of view however it is frustrating for you as well to watch her treat your partner like a child. It is hard for parents to let go, and you yourself said that you will leave it up to him to say something, which is very brave of you, as you wouldn't want your relationship with her to crumble. All you can do for now is keep being the supportive girlfriend that you have been and be ready to be there if maybe he also needs to vent!
Good luck!! :wave:
Let's do an exercise, I'll pretend I'm talking to her...
"Of course he can use daytime minutes if he wants, it's HIS phone, HE pays HIS phone bill with HIS money from HIS job!"
"No he didn't remember that, he has a hard time with short term memory, that doesn't mean he wants you at HIS house all the time checking on him, and doing things FOR him when HE is capable of doing them himself"
"No we don't need cable, we don't watch tv, and we don't care if you want to watch tv at our house, YOU have cable at YOUR house, go watch it there!"
"I KNOW THE DOG IS UGLY!"
"Yes, he can have fish, he want's fish. Sure, I need to remind him to feed the fish, that's what I do. If anyone should care about how many fish he has, it's ME because I'm the one who does the reminding around here!"
"We can swear in our own house. We are grown-ups, they are just words. As long as we aren't using them in a hurtful way, go find something better to worry about."
"He's 30, did I mention, he's 30? I know he just turned 5 like yesterday in your eyes, my 3 year old was seriously just born, I get it, but my god 30!"
/rant
I would never dream of saying anything like that (ok, I dream it all the time
This is actually a really good way to get your frustrations out by imagining what you could say to her if you ever had the chance! As long as you know not to say them to her in reality, then what is the harm?!
Keep it up, looks like it is helping
Good luck, seems like you are doing really well and taking good care of your boyfriend.
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