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slipping back into depression....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I self harmed from the ages of 11-17, (cutting, hitting, burning etc.) during this time, I also suffered with bulimia and some quite bad drug abuse, got myself into an abusive relationship and was in a general spiral of self destructive behaviour.
I spend about 2 years sorting all my shit out, I went to councelling, group therapies, got off the drugs, ended the relationship (and most of my drug-based friendships) was prescribed anti-depressants, and had the absolute best year of my life, away from insecurities and depression i thought had become my life.
I worked for a half a year, while having an amazing time with friends, and the next half i went travelling around the world on my own. It was the best thing i have ever done, its so hard to articulate how and why, but it was amazing.
Now i am back in England, and have started university. Its fun, my housemates are cool and ive met some nice people. the course is pretty good too so far (law) thing is..i can feel myself slipping away again. its like a repeat of when i started secondary school. I feel dissacociative, far away, ive been smoking weed like 4 or 5 times a week since i got here, which i know isnt an awful drug but i have so nearly called up a dealer to get something a bit harder.
i know my failings, i have spent so much time 'understanding my problems, and overcoming them, but i feel like im heading back to the same place i worked so hard to get out of. I dont even know what im trying to achive by this but..ah i just dont know what to do..
I spend about 2 years sorting all my shit out, I went to councelling, group therapies, got off the drugs, ended the relationship (and most of my drug-based friendships) was prescribed anti-depressants, and had the absolute best year of my life, away from insecurities and depression i thought had become my life.
I worked for a half a year, while having an amazing time with friends, and the next half i went travelling around the world on my own. It was the best thing i have ever done, its so hard to articulate how and why, but it was amazing.
Now i am back in England, and have started university. Its fun, my housemates are cool and ive met some nice people. the course is pretty good too so far (law) thing is..i can feel myself slipping away again. its like a repeat of when i started secondary school. I feel dissacociative, far away, ive been smoking weed like 4 or 5 times a week since i got here, which i know isnt an awful drug but i have so nearly called up a dealer to get something a bit harder.
i know my failings, i have spent so much time 'understanding my problems, and overcoming them, but i feel like im heading back to the same place i worked so hard to get out of. I dont even know what im trying to achive by this but..ah i just dont know what to do..
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Comments
It sounds like you've been through some really hard times, which must be tough. Thank you for opening up on the boards and being so honest - we're all here to support you.
It's so inspiring to see how you turned your life around, from some really tough situations to having the time of your life.
I'd bear in mind that it's really common to have a bit of a come down after you've been away travelling - going from not a care in the world to the reality of studying and responsibilities is a bit of a shock!
However, if you're worried about slipping back into depression, I'd suggest surrounding yourself with the things that make you happy - your friends, your favourite places, your favourite books. It's also worth distracting yourself by joining a society, learning a new skill or going to the gym. If you can see that you maybe going down the old drug road, maybe you could try cutting down the about of weed you're smoking - by breaking the habit it may make you less inclined to take anything harder?
Please keep posting and if you want to speak to someone directly, you could give the Samaritans a call on 08457 90 90 90. Take care of yourself :wave:
Sounds like you have been through a rough time as well as talked about the positive things. If you are scared of slipping back you should think of all the positive things in your life how amazing it is. You may also want to cut down slowly on weed as well...Find something spectacular something you enjoy. Go out and about more hang around with friends talk to your family have a laugh. Stay positive!
If you would like councelling you may want to try ChildLine if you are under 18 or Samaritans who deal with people all ages.
Good luck!
:yes:
It doesn't always seem like a big deal - but cannabis can have an effect on your mental health, particularly if you are generally more susceptible to issues like depression - check out these articles on cannabis and other drugs and mental health.
Let us know how you're getting on