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Need Your Opinion Please

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hello everyone
I have been in a relationship for 8 years with a woman and have a 2 year old daughter with her (she has 3 other kids). She recently started going to church and has stopped have sex until she gets married. Now i'm 31 and shes 30, I'm a very sexually active type of person and so was she, and I'm finding this non sex very hard to cope with. If I would have just met a woman and that's how she lives, it would be ok, but to be with 1 person for all this time and now can't have sex with her...
We have had sex twice in 4 months since she has come to this decision.

Am I wrong for wanting sex with her STILL, and being angry when I don't get it

Any opinions or advice will be greatly appreciated!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Religion can do funny things to people, i have a friend who found god and she became a totally diffrent person she more or less dropped her old life and became obsessed with the church although i have to say she seems very very happy.

    I think the christian way of life is so far removed from what the majority of us find acceptable these days it is bound to cause a rift ifa only one person has such strong belief.

    It may seem unfair that she has stopped having sex but you should remember it is her choice and you have to respect that choice she is not just a lover she has her own mind.

    Imho it does seem a little hypocritical though after having a healthy sex life and even having a child to suddenly decide its wrong, after all the "sin" has already happened you might as well get on with it and just pray a litle harder afterwards :d

    I dont think your wrong to still want sex its very natural but please try not be angry with her why not show her how mch she means and get married :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For the most part I don't get angry, but when she had sex with me a week before my b-day, then on my b-day, no sex... Yeah I was very angry. I didn't go home for 3 days.

    I also feel like if I do Leave her and she finds someone else, she's going to have sex. I kind of find it impossible to get married without having sex with that person, and having sex just once, I don't think will work. I may be wrong :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it sounds like shes giving you conflicting messages. You need to work out whether her new lifestyle is compatible with you. Its not really fair of her to make such a drastic change and expect you to just be ok with it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    on the other hand, is there something thats stopping you getting married?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes there is, we break up a little to much. Even though it's just for about a week, I don't want to get married until we can be together for 6 months without any breakups. Just things we need to iron out. For most of our relationship marriage wasn't even talked about, I don't know why now that I think about it, but I do want to marry her, I love her very much, but I don't want to have a bad marriage either and be divorced in a year ( never been married by the way)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I couldnt bear that, she has broke her own rules though by sleeping with you the twice in four months...

    I couldnt be in a sexless relationship.

    As you point out, if you meet someone who makes it clear no sex before marriage and you like them a lot then you could learn to deal with it better but for you wife to change all of a sudden is an extremely hard burden.

    I feel sorry for you, do you think shes in danger of pushing you to find comfort elsewhere if she doesnt change her stance?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey a guy needs his needs....she should realize that
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PaperTongues wrote: »
    Hey a guy needs his needs....she should realize that

    And the womens' needs / wants, what about that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Norwegian Rebel wrote: »
    I couldnt bear that, she has broke her own rules though by sleeping with you the twice in four months...

    I couldnt be in a sexless relationship.

    As you point out, if you meet someone who makes it clear no sex before marriage and you like them a lot then you could learn to deal with it better but for you wife to change all of a sudden is an extremely hard burden.

    I feel sorry for you, do you think shes in danger of pushing you to find comfort elsewhere if she doesnt change her stance?

    I told her that I couldn't be in a sexless relationship after all this time with her, but I love and don't want to be with anyone else. I spent almost all my twenty years with her, now I'm 31.

    I have talked to other women, and they were more than willing to hangout ;), but I don't want to cheat on her. I suppose if I met someone I really liked I would probably give it a chance. The women I did talk to were nice, but I really lacked any interest in them, I didn't have that enthusiasm to pursue anything. Not even a possible one nighter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Kudos54,

    What you are going through is difficult. You have been with this woman for 8 years and have a child together and after so long she decides she wants abstinence.
    It seems that you need to have a proper sit down and chat about this. Communication is very important in couples and you need to be honest about how you feel and to discuss how some kind of understanding can be done. It is tricky when religion has a strong impact on actions, as they are less likely to be flexible, however it is worth trying to work things out if you say you truly love her.

    You do not clarify your religion yet you both seem to suddenly find yourselves in a mixed religion relationship, which you did not have before, as your views now oppose. This will inevitable be hard to adapt to and perhaps time, compromise and understanding is what is needed.

    Good luck x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm, This is a weird situation, I've never really come across it before. How are things with your relationship? except the sex of course, Good? is she distant? still close to you? seems interested.

    Do you think this could be her way of asking you to marry her?
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