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what to do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok well me and my bf have been together nearly 9 months now, weve had our arguments of course but nothing that didnt get sorted out straight away, weve been going really well recently but on sunday we went to my friends wedding, then that night when we went home he called to say goodnight as we normally do, and he tells me that made him realise he never wants to marry ever, and telling me he hates me and i disgust him. I was crying and upset because he was being so mean and then he said sorry his just stressed cos of uni work and tired n he didnt mean it he loves me. But then yesterday he started being mean then nice back n forth. Then today he says he does love me and want to be with me but we need to talk. I dont know what to do I feel so sick and cant even eat and I've been crying for 2 days straight. He is being really confusing, like he said he'll come over tonight cos I asked him last week to record my presentation for uni, why would he still want to do that if he hates me so much?
I cant handle this meanness, but I love him so much I dont want to lose him.
Sorry for the long post, any advice is appreciated.
I cant handle this meanness, but I love him so much I dont want to lose him.
Sorry for the long post, any advice is appreciated.
0
Comments
I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through since the weekend. It sounds like your boyfriend's reaction after the wedding came as a shock to you and it's no wonder you don't feel like you can handle his meanness.
While it's possible that his initial outburst on Sunday could be put down to him feeling stressed and perhaps under pressure in ways that he hasn't expressed until now, that doesn't justify being mean and unpredictable from there on.
So, what can you potentially do? It's going to be really important for you to be honest with your boyfriend about the impact his actions have on you as if you start to accept meanness for fear of losing him then there's a chance that the love will soon turn to resentment.
Perhaps you could arrange a time when you both have free time (not rushing off anywhere, have a break from uni etc) to sit down and talk openly and honestly. You could let him know that you really love him, but that you're confused about the way he's been behaving recently. It might be that he's worried about the future, settling down and a whole other host of issues that can come to the forefront of people's minds after they've been to a wedding!
Chances are that your boyfriend will appreciate the chance to clear the air and get back on a more positive footing with you. Alternatively, it may be that he's having doubts about the relationship and hasn't been able to express himself in a mature and honest way. Either way, whatever the outcome, by opening up the lines of communication in a relaxed setting, you're bound to feel better for at least knowing where you stand.
I hope this helps a little and do come back and let us know how you're feeling or if anything changes...
*hug*
Is that really such a wise thing for her to be saying to a bf which has been rather mean to her.
anyways, we will see how it goes - still really confused and hurt by it all.
thank u everyone for the advice!
Just wanted to comment on what you've said here...
It's good to recognize these feelings and acknowledge that it is hurtful and can't be swept under the carpet. Whatever happens, you're clearly a really caring person who deserves mutual respect. Take care and remember you can rant at us anytime!