If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
First time disaster - male help needed too!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK...so, I was having this great text relationship with a guy fuelled by a passionate snog at a party...we got it on a few times (just snogging and handjobs) and I was talking the talk and so was he. He didn't want a relationship so I was considering having him as a fuck buddy (see previous thread).
So anyway...I went to his office one night and we ended up doing it on the floor....and I didn't tell him it was my first time. OMG....there was blood everywhere and he was so freaked out and now everything is weird...I really want to go back to what we were doing before but at the moment, he says he feels really uncomfortable and I feel completely stupid....
Leaving aside the fuck buddy vs. relationship debate...can a guy get over something like that? I think he was shocked because I gave the impressio that I was experienced and I don't know why the hell I didn't tell him the truth. I'm meeting him next week for a 'chat' and need some advice as to how best to approach this!!
Thanks guys
GB xx
So anyway...I went to his office one night and we ended up doing it on the floor....and I didn't tell him it was my first time. OMG....there was blood everywhere and he was so freaked out and now everything is weird...I really want to go back to what we were doing before but at the moment, he says he feels really uncomfortable and I feel completely stupid....
Leaving aside the fuck buddy vs. relationship debate...can a guy get over something like that? I think he was shocked because I gave the impressio that I was experienced and I don't know why the hell I didn't tell him the truth. I'm meeting him next week for a 'chat' and need some advice as to how best to approach this!!
Thanks guys
GB xx
0
Comments
Question: do you want he will get over this?
should you want he'll get over this?
Aww strubbes, your English is not so great here!
Did you mean "Do you want him to get over this?"
well, everyone know what i meant, so suck it
and actually I think your version kinda describes something different, as if she wants him to get over this for HIS sake (e.g. empathic/altruistic reasons). I tried to say, whether she should really want/care if he gets over it, because it's not a good situation for her to be in anyway.
yeah I know, thought you may like to know for future reference
ah ok, I see what you mean
It was just a blooper. In my horribly hungover and headachy state I am glad I can communicate as it is. Don't really care, but thanks anyway.
GB x
It's all experience you have to make anyway sooner or later and I am of the conviction that you do need to get hurt to learn certain things. It seems you are sensible enough to know when you hit rockbottom (if it should come to that) and be able to save yourself then.
good luck.
/e: and tbh, I might be talking big, but if I was 27, virgin, and in love with someone and I know I could get at least something out of her, I would. Probably as long as it tears me apart.
I suspect that if you make him feel at ease by explaining he didn't hurt you he'll be ok.
Strubbles, do you think I'm in love with him? I hadn't even really considered that. Is that how it comes across?
GB xx
Perhaps all he wanted was a one nght stand, maybe he now regrets it and feels guilty.
Perhaps he has feelings for you and wishes he had done things diffrent.
It was not an ideal way to lose your virginity but i think that romantic dream of the right guy at the right time in the right place rarely comes true.
Try to enjoy each other as friends, lovers or f/buds whatever feels right for you both.
What do you want from him are you really looking for love or just fun.
I'm looking for love, he's looking for fun and I'm, perhaps stupidly, prepared to compromise just to have a bit of him in my life...which makes me pretty pathetic I know.
I just want to talk to him and explain why what happened, happened, even though I'm not entirely sure I know why it did!
GB xx
I am not the right person to ask what kind of mindset you need to have towards a person to call it love. You like certain aspects of a person and dislike others. And some positive aspects are so rare, or so dear to you that you like this person more than another. I am not sure if I ever loved and even less am I sure if I have ever been loved, so I am not sure if I am qualified to answer your question, but I will try regardless.
Since you are not really that close and you are not familiar with many of his traits in detail I would suppose that you are rather infatuated, because this is all new to you. You told us, you've been a virgin before, so there is this guy who gives you enough attention so that you feel wanted. It's like a new toy that's wonderful in the beginning, but gathers dust after a few weeks or month. I don't think you are in love with him in what the majority of people conceives as love, but then again, does it really matter? You are just a slave to your desires anyway and what you feel is what you feel, period. It is not necessary to give it a term to make it comparable to other people's emotions. It does not matter if it's called love, lust, infatuation, fanaticism, addiction... It is, what it is, and you need to decide if it is the thing that will make you happy.
Wow, amazing response. Thanks so much! Loads to think about...
GBxx
Whatever you do, you seem sensible and rational enough to get yourself out of a tricky situation. We have all kinds of people here. Some are getting beaten up and threatened by their boyfriend., have their homegrown porns shared on the internet. Intimidated, forbidden to leave the house and so on and they are still convinced they love their spouse and will never find anyone better.
Even if you are in a bad situation where someone has power over you, I have a feeling you will recognize it, assess the situation and make a sensible decision, so just go with the flow, because like I said, there are things in life you have to go through and not just accept them because others said so. Everyone does it, even I did it. Especially in situations where you are attracted to a person, you kinda know that she's not right for you, because all your friends said so unanimously and you are usually on agreeing terms with them and even you have nagging doubts, until you go through a lot of hassle and are finally convinced that you were deluded. Doesn't happen just once, but dozens of times, depends on the person. Those are things everyone has to experience and make their own picture of it. No person ever can be protected from and prevented to feel pain and harm and if it was possible, the life wouldn't be worth living in my opinion.
Even if I'd assume you won't find what you are expecting from this man, it would be foolish to blindly follow my words and not convince yourself from it.
Again, thanks. I think that, unfortunately, I can be a bit of lover of self-pain. It's like dieting. I think I need to lose weight and I moan about being fat, but I don't do anything about it and just continue to moan. Similarly here, I think that I know I shouldn't get involved and yet I'm sure I will, just so I can moan and feel miserable. Not quite sure where that gets me in the long run though.
GB xx
Oh, so we have something in common already. I hate to moan, so I am just unsatisfied with myself by myself, but I want to do sports, write my bachelor thesis, clean the flat, meet friends, but in the end I sit at home fucking about on the Internet telling myself I am uncontent with how things are
Oh well, at least you got only yourself to blame
God yeah, we are so alike!! :d
GB xx
Unfortunately, the blood and pain gave it away...hence my utter embarrassment and feelings of stupidity...
GB x
Good point. All the bleeding and pain can still happen if you're the most experienced person in the world.
GB x
GB x