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Have I cheated?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have been in a commited relationship with my girlfriend for 8 years now. We were each others first proper boyfriend/girlfriend. We live together and I couldn't be happier with her.

I have a higher sex drive than her so sometimes if i'm home alone or whatever, i'll masterbate to porn. Mostly straight porn but sometimes gay porn. The idea of being with a man has always sickened me but, for some reason gay porn sometimes does it for me. A bit weird but, whatever.

Anyway, today I was in town and happened to walk past a local gay sauna and in a moment of madness decided I would go in. Don't ask why but I was feeling really horny my intention was just to go in, maybe masterbate and leave. I started masterbating in a private room with the door slightly ajar and a guy came in beside me, locked the door and started masterbating himself with one hand and had his other hand on my chest. I was really turned on and was masterbating myself, before I suddenly realised what I was doing and quickly left. I headed straight out of the sauna and straight home. Now I am wracked with guilt even tho, I didn't kiss anyone or even touch him anywhere.

Should I be feeling as guilty as I do??

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Potentially yes, nothing too worrying I think, however if you are having thoughts like this then perhaps maybe you should talk about it either with your partner or someone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How would you feel if it was a straight massage sauna place? Would you think it was cheating then? In my mind theres no difference between cheating whether its gay or straight
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you might not have cheated, but you sure have issues.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree. It's the sexuality that you need to come to terms with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are 2 issues here first u need to sort out your feelings, gay straight or bi, second if u not sure you have cheated what would it be if your girlfriend went to a sauna and did the same thing?????.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that is a little strange...but I would not consider that cheating
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi shrek801,

    How's things? How are you feeling about the situation now you have slept on it?

    It sounds like you have a pretty laid back attitude to the fact that you sometimes masturbate to gay porn - which is probably pretty healthy, particularly if you have a healthy sex life with your girlfriend as well. You mention that you have different sex drives - is this an issue within your relationship or is it something that you are happy to manage through a combination of sex with her and individual masturbation.

    Given what happened in the sauna, lots of people have responded saying it sounds like you need to think about your sexuality - what do you feel about this? Do you think that you do? Is the guilt you feel related to the fact you feel you may have cheated (which is a complicated issue in itself) or the fact you feel that you may have stronger sexual feelings towards men that you initially thought?

    Hope you are ok :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What was the private room you entered out of interest, was it like a waiting room? sounds a bit weird that you can walk in off the street and wank in a room, was their a service you paid for beforehand, a front of house? im asking cos if you paid for a full body massage or something then it would mean something more?


    I think your just curios and i think if you love her/want to be with her you can forget about it and move on (if you want to)

    You didnt cheat in my opinion but you came very close to the edge.

    When your horny it can make you do something crazy and you can immediatly regret it, you need to learn to control yourself a bit.

    And yes, you should feel guilty and its good you do (it means your nice).

    Hope it all works out :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the feeling guilty only makes you "nicer" than in comparison to others, after all if someone does cheat, its the act that shows what kind of person you are, rather than how you feel afterwards.
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