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I fancy work mate...but I have a bf
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Started a new job last week and basically I really am attracted to one of my colleges. we have a lot in common, he's good looking and he makes me laugh. we have a bit of a flirt together where he takes the piss out of me and uses joke-sarcasm (this prob sounds stupid but I know what I mean) and earlier today he kept hanging round whilst I was getting my stuff together to go home..it gave the impression that he wanted to walk out with me...
anyway regardless of whether he likes me too, it is increasing my attraction to him. fair enough i work in an office and work isn't exactly that entralling...but I find myself spending all day looking at him or talking to him. a part of me thinks that I am doing it to make the day more interesting because I have a boyfriend! and this guy has a girlfriend! My bf is away travelling in Asia at the moment and I love him dearly, have been together for 4 years. but what with him being away, I'm not getting any action first and foremost, nor any male attention/company or anyone to flirt with/fancy...if you know what I mean.
I just feel awful that I go to bed thinking of the guy at work rather than my boyfriend!! It's mostly physical thoughts. anyone else been in this situation? I feel sick at the thought of my bf knowing that I feel like this....
anyway regardless of whether he likes me too, it is increasing my attraction to him. fair enough i work in an office and work isn't exactly that entralling...but I find myself spending all day looking at him or talking to him. a part of me thinks that I am doing it to make the day more interesting because I have a boyfriend! and this guy has a girlfriend! My bf is away travelling in Asia at the moment and I love him dearly, have been together for 4 years. but what with him being away, I'm not getting any action first and foremost, nor any male attention/company or anyone to flirt with/fancy...if you know what I mean.
I just feel awful that I go to bed thinking of the guy at work rather than my boyfriend!! It's mostly physical thoughts. anyone else been in this situation? I feel sick at the thought of my bf knowing that I feel like this....
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BTW how old are you and your bf ?
Easier said than done, in my experience. A large part of the problem is, as you put it, that you're not getting any action at home at the moment. As long as you still love and miss your bf, there probably isn't any harm in fantasizing about the guy in the office. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with flirting and joking with friends of the opposite sex, as long as you both know where you stand. In situations like this I have found that, in the long run, it is easier to allow yourself to have fantasies than to consciously try and banish them.
But don't allow yourself to get into situations where you are alone with this guy if you think he might share your feelings, and don't allow conversations to turn intimate. If you start sharing your most personal thoughts, there is a real danger that this could turn into an "emotional affair", which could be just as damaging to your relationship with your bf as having sex with someone else!
If you can achieve the right balance, you will probably find that the intensity of your feelings towards the guy in the office will fade once your bf comes back from his trip.
I am 21 and my bf is 24. guy at work is also 24. thank you both for advice
I been married four years and have never been unfaithful...
Thats normal isnt it?
I suppose it is normal really...I have just never really accepted the fact that it is ok to find other people attractive. at the end of the day, we are all animals! :P
Of course it is ok, its natural.
When i say i fantasise about women all the time i dont mean to sound like a hound dog with his tounge out, its not like that but i do check women out and i do get a bit of a buzz when a woman flirts with me, not that i let it progress or go anywhere.
I would never say anything that if my wife found out she could get upset or go crazy over, you got to be careful to not cross the line, im sure if you did let something happen you would feel like a complete shit after as i know i would and even if you could keep a secret the guilt would surely finish it.
Likewise. I have a male friend who is an appalling flirt. My husband is well aware and we have discussed it. We have come to the conclusion, with this particular friend, it's a kind of cultural thing and he can't help himself. There's no denying there's a mutual attraction there of some sort. We enjoy each other's company but, on the whole, we keep our communications short and businesslike.
so, maybe that is wat is happening here? youre flirting with each other just for fun but know it is safe as you are both in loving rship and nothing further will happen?
I like your thinking! That does make a lot of sense to be honest.. I suppose I know deep down that I would not want to be the one to break up mine and his relationship!
I think....there´s nothing wrong with desiring other people besides your bf...The thing is...would you be capable of making a real love from a desire?
(so you think you can tell heaven from hell....? "Pink Floyd" )
I mean...sometimes it may be just an obsession, that goes away in time. But what about you end up really thinking about him every moment?, and what if you really want him to share other things with you?
That would be ok, too...you don´t need to stand with your bf for ever, just for that. Sometimes changes are for better.
In the other hand, does your friend at work asks you to share more than words ? Maybe you think he wants you, but in the end, he may want to be friends or flirt with you (usually guys like that....but we expect other things).
I think you should wait and see what it comes between you both, and then decide, when you have the real possibility to go to the next level. Now it looks like just talking.
Good luck!! Please keep writting about it!!!
Aww you're very sweet, and hi to you too! :wave: