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A little too much to handle...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not sure what I want to get out of writing this, but this has been a really bad month, and I'm not sure how much more I can handle...
My brother was recently diagnosed with manic depression and schizophrenia, he is the person I am closest too in my family, and I worry about him constantly. Both of my dad's parents are seriously ill in hospital, and I found out today that my granddad probably won't survive the week. My mother's parents have bothed been declared non-compus mentus, and my mother is now suing my father for guardianship. (He has been caring for them for the last three years on a weekly basis, and she hasn't spoken to her own parents in 10 years.)
I have serious money issues at the moment, and am temporarily living with my father. Unfortunately his wife reeeeeaally doesn't like me, thinks I get everything handed to me on a silver platter, and resents having me in the house (but not my brother). She has been especially on top of me recently because I've been a bit mopey - I just started a new job, commute 4 hours every day, and come home exhausted. I am also 500 miles away from my boyfriend, and we will have to do long distance for at least the next year. I also have only one friend left in my city.
To top it all, I'm pregnant, have terrible morning/all day long sickness, have to have an abortion this week and can't tell anyone in my family because they are all dealing with so much already. They just think I'm being moody.
I love my life, my new job, my friends and my family, but right now I just feel like everything is getting on top of me a bit. I know in a while I'll be fine, but I'm not sleeping more than 4 hours a night, and can't concentrate on the simplest task for 5 minutes without worrying about something. I've started taking diazepam in the evenings, which I KNOW is not a good idea (my dad also suffers from chronic back pain and I nabbed it from his medicine cabinet). But it just dulls everything and lets me switch off for a couple of hours.
Any better suggestions for miseryguts here?
My brother was recently diagnosed with manic depression and schizophrenia, he is the person I am closest too in my family, and I worry about him constantly. Both of my dad's parents are seriously ill in hospital, and I found out today that my granddad probably won't survive the week. My mother's parents have bothed been declared non-compus mentus, and my mother is now suing my father for guardianship. (He has been caring for them for the last three years on a weekly basis, and she hasn't spoken to her own parents in 10 years.)
I have serious money issues at the moment, and am temporarily living with my father. Unfortunately his wife reeeeeaally doesn't like me, thinks I get everything handed to me on a silver platter, and resents having me in the house (but not my brother). She has been especially on top of me recently because I've been a bit mopey - I just started a new job, commute 4 hours every day, and come home exhausted. I am also 500 miles away from my boyfriend, and we will have to do long distance for at least the next year. I also have only one friend left in my city.
To top it all, I'm pregnant, have terrible morning/all day long sickness, have to have an abortion this week and can't tell anyone in my family because they are all dealing with so much already. They just think I'm being moody.
I love my life, my new job, my friends and my family, but right now I just feel like everything is getting on top of me a bit. I know in a while I'll be fine, but I'm not sleeping more than 4 hours a night, and can't concentrate on the simplest task for 5 minutes without worrying about something. I've started taking diazepam in the evenings, which I KNOW is not a good idea (my dad also suffers from chronic back pain and I nabbed it from his medicine cabinet). But it just dulls everything and lets me switch off for a couple of hours.
Any better suggestions for miseryguts here?
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Comments
Careful with the diazepam, getting a habit on top of all the things you are dealing with won't help. But, I would be a hypocrite if I told you not to do it.
Is there anything you can think of that would make your relationship with your Dad's girlfriend easier? If not, and/or in the meantime, perhaps it's best to just stay out of her way and not care what she thinks about you - if it's not true it can't hurt you, ok?
Remember that as much as your family need you and you want to be there and be emotionally strong for them with all this going on, try not to take on too much mentally yourself. You need to take care of yourself to be able to cope. Just getting one extra hour a night would probably do you a lot of good.
HUGS
How are you doing today? It sounds like you had a horrible week ahead when you posted *hug* It's great you can get some perspective and realise that it is the situation at the moment that is getting on top of you - as Katralla says, things will get easier.
Is there anything else you can do to switch off for a while - perhaps some sort of exercise? This might help with sleep too?
You mentioned you were going to have an abortion this week - did you have someone to go with you? Did you receive any counselling or support afterwards? You should be entitled to a session - it might be something that is worth taking advantage of? Perhaps ask the doctor or nurse about it? Hopefully when you are feeling less sick, things might feel a bit easier as well.
Let us know how you are getting on - big hugs *hug*