If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Horrible friendships
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I haven't exactly had the best time of things in my life and I think this affects my relationships. I tend to draw in abusive people or directly selfish individuals. I'm used to a lot of pain and I can't help but feel the need to be compassionate. People tend to use this. I'm told it's something called a dumpster friend. I'm that friend that everyone has that they tell there problems to but once they're done they leave. If you ever hint that you yourself have a problem or are not exactly happy they get angry at you and turn their backs on you.
About 2 years ago I started to feel unwell. My doctor kept telling me I was just lazy and should exercise more. I did and I continued to get worse as well as gain weight. Friends started to tell me the same as my doctor, that I was lazy and needed to exercise more and eat less. I did and I just got more and more sick. It took about a year and 3 changes of doctors to finally get a referral to a hospital where in I found out I wasn't just a little unwell but seriously ill. Friends don't care in the least. Most of them have stopped talking to me all together and I am so ill at this point leaving the house for more than than hour wares me completely out. I'm told there is a possibility I could actually die, my heart is under a lot of stress and this scares me every day. The only person who has bothered to stick by me is my partner but I can't even talk to him about it as he recently lost both his grandmother and uncle.
I'm not a down kind of person. My family knows me as an excitable happy person always joking around. I've tried not to allow being ill to affect that so I just don't talk about it to people. I've also tried to keep myself doing fun and creative things like art but the people that do still talk to me (mostly over facebook) seem to always want to bring me down. I'm always hearing rumour milling to. People making up stories like they are still in high school. This sort of thing went on sometimes before I was ill and more active but it was never this bad. I've had people text me, phone me or just e-mail me some horribly hurtful things all because of this rumour milling. I know who is making these things up as well and I have tried to talk to them about it numerous times but they just get worse. People know they are bullies and what they say is not true but the taint still spreads to me.
I'm not sure what to do. I can't go out and meet new people, I need a life line to the world but I can't take this anymore.
About 2 years ago I started to feel unwell. My doctor kept telling me I was just lazy and should exercise more. I did and I continued to get worse as well as gain weight. Friends started to tell me the same as my doctor, that I was lazy and needed to exercise more and eat less. I did and I just got more and more sick. It took about a year and 3 changes of doctors to finally get a referral to a hospital where in I found out I wasn't just a little unwell but seriously ill. Friends don't care in the least. Most of them have stopped talking to me all together and I am so ill at this point leaving the house for more than than hour wares me completely out. I'm told there is a possibility I could actually die, my heart is under a lot of stress and this scares me every day. The only person who has bothered to stick by me is my partner but I can't even talk to him about it as he recently lost both his grandmother and uncle.
I'm not a down kind of person. My family knows me as an excitable happy person always joking around. I've tried not to allow being ill to affect that so I just don't talk about it to people. I've also tried to keep myself doing fun and creative things like art but the people that do still talk to me (mostly over facebook) seem to always want to bring me down. I'm always hearing rumour milling to. People making up stories like they are still in high school. This sort of thing went on sometimes before I was ill and more active but it was never this bad. I've had people text me, phone me or just e-mail me some horribly hurtful things all because of this rumour milling. I know who is making these things up as well and I have tried to talk to them about it numerous times but they just get worse. People know they are bullies and what they say is not true but the taint still spreads to me.
I'm not sure what to do. I can't go out and meet new people, I need a life line to the world but I can't take this anymore.
0
Comments
Good to see you posting on the boards.
The experiences you mention, particularly receiving negative messages from people who you thought were friends sounds really upsetting. It sounds like the people you've been in contact with until now have led to stress rather than happy times and as you say, they are bullies - it's understandable that this would have an impact on how you feel about yourself and meeting new people.
You say you can't meet new people - do you feel this is due to how you're feeling or are there practical reasons too?
You mention you have a partner who you can't talk to, because you feel he has a lot on his plate too. Do you think he has any idea how you're feeling? Is it possible that he might be upset if he felt you were keeping things from him?
It might be a positive thing for your relationship to work together so that you feel more confident about taking steps to broaden your social circle.
You may find TheSite.org's article on communicating as a couple helpful. It might be that you can plan to do something together in an attempt to move on from the difficult place you find yourself in at the moment.
Let us know how you're getting on...
You're not the only one who seems to attract selfish people. I've spent time listening to friends problems and giving advice and support. I don't like to really discuss my problems with anyone, but when I eventually pluck up the courage to seek support off my 'friends' I get the feeling they don;t care, and often the situation is turned around back to their problems. VERY frustrating.
Basically, I've been thinking lately, and heres my advice to you. Don't settle for people like that in your life. Its yours so you decide who's in it. I'm about to start university so I'm hoping to meet some new decent friends there. If not I'm going to consider joining different groups, going new places etc. to find different people. Don't lose faith, you can only be yourself, and people should love you and accept you for who you are. If not they're not worth your time.
I know it's difficult, but it would be well worth your time to try socialise with new people through groups.
Sorry to hear about your illness, I hope you get well soon. You say your friends have stopped talking to you since; totally understandable from selfish, attention seeking indiviuals. Several friends of mine have been this way!
Good luck! If none of the responces seem helpful to you, ask your doctor if you could maybe talk to someone. These people are trained in helping people who are at the end of their wits and can really help. Or you could try connexions. They could advise you on what to do and even have the information of different groups to join.
:yes: Agreed ^
If your partner has stuck by you so far surely he's got to be the best person to talk to, and to be honest, I doubt he'd be best pleased to know you've such a big problem and you're choosing to keep it from him.