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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just really need to write this down to put it all in perspective, just really think am having a bit of a breakdown and don't know what to do
Have been with my boyfriend for just under 3 years, have lived together for the last year and a half. He has an 8 year old son who stays with us for half of the week (who i really love to bits and do everything i can for).
My boyfriend can't communicate about anything properly, it just seems the only emotion he can use is anger so if I try to just calmly talk about anything it results in him shouting and swearing at me. He does seem to have a bit of an issue with alcohol which is really not helping either. He says things when he is drunk that seem designed to hurt me: recently he told me after years of denying it that just before we met he was getting back with her and that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved her. He can't understand why this upsets me, i know that they have a child together and they need some contact but they can be on the phone together 3 or 4 times a day, and he will often go around to hers to do odd jobs and then lie to me about where he has been.
Am normally such a trusting, calm erson but i just don't know what to think. He never tells me he loves me, doesn't really like holding my hand, and if i want to talk about any of this he calls me a psycho and a headcase. But everytime i say i'm leaving he says he doesn't want me to. My friends have told me i deserve better and should go but i haven't. I don't think i can talk to them anymore as it is always the same thing and I know that they are probably fed up with me talking about it. Just feel really alone and don't know what to do. Feel like a total failure as i can't make this work even though i try so hard all of the time
Have been with my boyfriend for just under 3 years, have lived together for the last year and a half. He has an 8 year old son who stays with us for half of the week (who i really love to bits and do everything i can for).
My boyfriend can't communicate about anything properly, it just seems the only emotion he can use is anger so if I try to just calmly talk about anything it results in him shouting and swearing at me. He does seem to have a bit of an issue with alcohol which is really not helping either. He says things when he is drunk that seem designed to hurt me: recently he told me after years of denying it that just before we met he was getting back with her and that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved her. He can't understand why this upsets me, i know that they have a child together and they need some contact but they can be on the phone together 3 or 4 times a day, and he will often go around to hers to do odd jobs and then lie to me about where he has been.
Am normally such a trusting, calm erson but i just don't know what to think. He never tells me he loves me, doesn't really like holding my hand, and if i want to talk about any of this he calls me a psycho and a headcase. But everytime i say i'm leaving he says he doesn't want me to. My friends have told me i deserve better and should go but i haven't. I don't think i can talk to them anymore as it is always the same thing and I know that they are probably fed up with me talking about it. Just feel really alone and don't know what to do. Feel like a total failure as i can't make this work even though i try so hard all of the time
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Comments
At the very least you need to draw the line as of what is acceptable within your relationship and what is not. If he behaves like a dick to you when both sober and drunk then you need to decide if you're going to sit under it. It's not acceptable to lie about where you've been either, especially if he's doing it to cover the fact he's been chilling with his ex.
If he won't talk to you without shouting abuse then there's nothing you can do. No matter how hard you will try you can't change him if he doesn't care and doesn't want to. The fact you identify that your friends don't want to listen should suggest that you're the only one covering your senses to continue doing what most see as wrong and destructive. Repetetive, too.
Stand up for yourself and if you're not going to leave at least have the guts to tell him you won't be talked to like he does. Show yourself the respect you deserve by not taking his crap.