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older sister problems :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so my older sister is 21 and im 16. My parents are away for a week or two so its just both of us at home.
So on Friday I took this as a good opportunity to go out with friends to a club and er...get pretty drunk to be honest. I didnt request permission from my sister of course because why should I..im 16 thanks.Im not allowed to go out clubbing obviously as she thinks im too young - i just said i was going to see a friend for an hour or so. Then I get like 50 phone calls and texts at about 1.30am telling me to call her or shes coming into the club and physically taking me home. WTF. So I call her back and she makes me go outside and get into the car and go home.
She then shouted at me for like an hour because I was pretty out of it to be honest about how Im too young and I need to stop drinking and shes not allowing me to go out.
So on saturday night she wouldnt let me go out either as she threatened to just come into the club I was at and thats pretty embarrassing.
Is this fair that my sister tells me what to do all the time? If i drink, if i go out, the way i talk to my parents, how long I spend on my homework, or If i do something wrong at school and get suspended she feels its her right to discipline me. I mean shes hardly older than me.
So on Friday I took this as a good opportunity to go out with friends to a club and er...get pretty drunk to be honest. I didnt request permission from my sister of course because why should I..im 16 thanks.Im not allowed to go out clubbing obviously as she thinks im too young - i just said i was going to see a friend for an hour or so. Then I get like 50 phone calls and texts at about 1.30am telling me to call her or shes coming into the club and physically taking me home. WTF. So I call her back and she makes me go outside and get into the car and go home.
She then shouted at me for like an hour because I was pretty out of it to be honest about how Im too young and I need to stop drinking and shes not allowing me to go out.
So on saturday night she wouldnt let me go out either as she threatened to just come into the club I was at and thats pretty embarrassing.
Is this fair that my sister tells me what to do all the time? If i drink, if i go out, the way i talk to my parents, how long I spend on my homework, or If i do something wrong at school and get suspended she feels its her right to discipline me. I mean shes hardly older than me.
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Comments
There's a very big difference between 21 and 16. A very big difference.
To be honest I'm with your sister on this one. She's trying to keep you safe and be the responsible adult in the household while your parents are away. You lied to her, were drinking underage in a club, were out far longer than you said you would be, and she had to come and find you instead of enjoying her own evening. What position would you have put her in if your parents came home to find that your drink had been spiked in a club and you had been assaulted?
If I were you, I'd be grateful that I had an older sister who cared enough about me to want me to do well and take care of myself, rather than one who was happy for me to get ratted underage in a potentially unsafe environment.
Your sister was pretty mature about this. You lied, got hammered and was out at 1:30am. Would you have done that with your parents around?
If you want to be treated as a adult then you need to behave like one. Part of that is showing some responsibility and you failed big time I'm afraid.
Everyone seems to agree with my sister. I dont fully see why though as there are lots of other 16 year olds that do what I did.
It really doesnt seem as though she does it because she cares, I mean shes so angry now
And shes stopped me from going out of her site / with my friends until she can trust me? do u think thats fair?
Doesn't make it right though does it? Lots of people are racists, criminals, child abusers etc. It doesn't matter how many people misbehave, it's still misbehaving.
Of course she's angry. You were out until 1:30 am, drunk and she had to come and get you. In fact, if she hadn't done that you'd have been out later.
You showed her no respect and treated her like she doesn't matter. You were really selfish.
Yes I do. You've lost her trust, your parent would expect her to take responsibility for you whilst they are away. If anything happened to you they would blame her.
I think she's doing pretty well actually.
You did wrong, now you need to make it up to her. An apology would be a start, instead of sulking about it.
i agree.
:cool:
you shouldn't have to let her control what you can and can not do. she can't get you in to trouble or anything, you only want a good time and there's nothing wrong with that.
Shes just keeping an eye out for you
Of course she matters to me. A sister disciplining a sister just doesnt seem right though.
Its been 4 days and I havent apologised, is that bad? I dunno what to say to her
I can see where you're coming from in that you're not used to your sister being in charge. The difficulty is that your parents are away for a week and so you are actually in her care and it's quite likely that she would be the person who really gets into trouble should something terrible happen to you because you're drunk and vulnerable. Chances are she's let your parents know that you'll be looked after while they're away and finding out that you are getting wasted in an illegal environment is genuinely freaking her out.
Having said that - it does sound like there's room for compromise here and so perhaps you could go in with an apology but also with the aim of trying to find out where she's coming from and negotiation about how you can still have a social life when your parents aren't around. It would probably be really good for both of you to talk more openly about some of this stuff so you're working together instead of against each other...
What do you reckon?
But that's not the impression you just gave her.
Not normally. However in this context she has been put in the position of parental responsibility and your actions have just made that more apparent.
Again, would you have done this if your parents had been around?
Try, "sorry sis I let you down. I'm sorry and it won't happen again." At the moment she feels like she cannot trust you, only you can change that by showing that she can.
Believe it or not there are more people affected by the way you behave than just you.
These kind of things are proberly behind your sisters anger, your acting irresponsible for a 16 year old and could of ended up in trouble, (im sure we all have).
Your parents are away and you thought you can do what you want, a free reign! i understand you dont feel you should have to listen to your sister as you dont want her to think shes above you or that your a kid e.t.c.
Think for yourselve what you would do if you were her and you had to deal with that situation, would you just ignore the fact your 16 year old sister is hammered in a pub at 1:30 in the morning, would you just go to sleep and think ar well ill see her when i wake up in the morning, im sure she will be fine? i hope not.
When my parents are around I stay at friends after ive been out but my sisters realized I do this and says I'm not allowed to again which really wrecks my social life.
I apologized to her and she talked to me for a bit and explained that she thinks im not making the right choices for my life and that If i cant see sense then she needs to help me to by stopping me. I suppose I agree with her, Im glad she isnt so angry now though.
I'm still not allowed to go out with my friends for a while though and she has taken my phone of me until she can trust me
But we're going out for a meal and then the cinema tomorrow
not at all. If anything, it makes it look more like you really mean it, instead of just saying something to get out of trouble.
These two aspects are over the top. When your parents return it's their job to decide if you can/cannot stay at your friends and taking your phone away is a little harsh and not relevant to your behaviour.
It's good that you are going out together though. And listen to her, she seems to have your interests to heart.
Well she says I'm not going out again at least until the parents get back. She said she took my phone because she knows thats how I plan all my evenings outs and she thinks that I'll be scheming away at organising another night but having a cover story.
So meh, she is kind of harsh for some reason but at least shes not so angry with me now.
With my sisters, if they ever tried to tell me what to do I'd laugh in their faces but I do listen to them and respect any advice they have to give.
21 is a lot different to sixteen, and although I don't really think your sister's handled any of it very well, I can kind of see where she's coming from.
Grace's suggestion of going out together is a great one.