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So confused, Dont know what i did wrong...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
HI sorry if this is long but i really need some advice,
i've been with my b/f 5 years and we have a 20 month old baby, we have had a bad couple of years in our relationship and a lot of drama were we broke up a few times but always got back together to work things out, After a big chat a few months ago we decided to move in together and try make a proper go of it and try be a proper family and give our baby a good life, we also agreed that if things didnt work out and we broke up again that would be the last time we tried to work through things.
So things have been ok for the past few months we have had a few normal arguments every now and again like any couple does but we there has been nothing major, but for the last few weeks we have just gone weird with eachother, he is distant, quiet and doesnt seem to bother with me at all, and before i always would of said something and tried to sort it out but this time i feel like i just dont care enough to try, i did ask him if he was annoyed or upset with me but he just said no so i left it, we havent slept together in a few weeks and we never hug or kiss anymore, he goes to bed without even saying goodnight so i feel like i did somethiing but i dont know what..
At first i just thought he had his own stuff going on or that he needed space so i left him alone, but now its been going on about 3 weeks and its really starting to get to me and i do be in tears when he goes to bed, i even bawled crying last night when i got into bed so i think i defo need to sort things out now, should i confront him?? please give me some advice. thanks
i've been with my b/f 5 years and we have a 20 month old baby, we have had a bad couple of years in our relationship and a lot of drama were we broke up a few times but always got back together to work things out, After a big chat a few months ago we decided to move in together and try make a proper go of it and try be a proper family and give our baby a good life, we also agreed that if things didnt work out and we broke up again that would be the last time we tried to work through things.
So things have been ok for the past few months we have had a few normal arguments every now and again like any couple does but we there has been nothing major, but for the last few weeks we have just gone weird with eachother, he is distant, quiet and doesnt seem to bother with me at all, and before i always would of said something and tried to sort it out but this time i feel like i just dont care enough to try, i did ask him if he was annoyed or upset with me but he just said no so i left it, we havent slept together in a few weeks and we never hug or kiss anymore, he goes to bed without even saying goodnight so i feel like i did somethiing but i dont know what..
At first i just thought he had his own stuff going on or that he needed space so i left him alone, but now its been going on about 3 weeks and its really starting to get to me and i do be in tears when he goes to bed, i even bawled crying last night when i got into bed so i think i defo need to sort things out now, should i confront him?? please give me some advice. thanks
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Comments
Sorry to hear that things have been hard for you recently. It sounds like, despite things having their ups and downs in the time you have been together, you've made some really positive decisions to try your very best to try and work things through - though more recently you seem to have felt yourselves moving apart again and, while it's really upsetting you, you're not sure what to do now.
Sometimes, when trying to build a relationship and work things through, especially when things have been hard in the past, it's a good idea to talk about what you will do if one of you isn't happy, or has something you want to resolve. For example, you could plan to have some quiet time together each week where you both talk about what you are finding hard about being together, as well as what you are enjoying - and if there is anything that needs dealing with, you can work through it together.
Doing this sort of thing means you both feel ok about airing troubles and worries without feeling as though it is going to cause an argument or jeapordise the relationship. For example, could it be that he feels concerned, or upset about something but doesn't want to talk about it because he is worried it will lead to an argument? Could you plan some time together soon, where you could try and explain how the last few weeks have made you feel. If you can, try not to sound like you are blaming him or being aggressive, but instead try and approach the problem together with him. Explain how you understand he might be having his own issues but his distance is really upsetting you and making you feel unloved and that you would like to work out a way that you can communicate better when these types of things come up.
There's a good article on TheSite.org called Communicating as a Couple which talks about how to have positive conversation and deal with communication problems which you might find it helpful to look at - perhaps with him. There's also something on dealing with arguments which might be useful. And while this article is called making marriage work, a lot of it's points are just as useful for people in long term relationships.
And of course, working on a relationship isn't always hard work - it's worth setting aside time for positive things too. This could be 'date nights' perhaps when you get a babysitter and spend quality time together doing whatever you both enjoy. Having some fun together can remind you why you wanted to work on the relationship in the first place - something which can sometimes be forgotten in the midst of day to day life.
Hope this has helped a bit and you are feeling ok today. Let us know how you get on. *hug*
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