Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

i'm so insecure it's untrue! (story/long)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
okay, i've been with my boyfriend 3 months today.

i'll start from the beginning.. it was his house party and he'd just broke up with his gf there, who he'd been with for over a year, but they were having problems.. arguing all the time. he couldn't take it. so they broke up at the party and she went home, i ended up getting talking to him, we liked each other before, and i guess all our feelings came back, and i ended up sleeping with him. then weirdly, all of my feelings went away, straight after we had finished having sex. then i went home and he was always ringing me and texting me, and he was getting on my nerves because i didn't like him at all. he kept asking me to get into a relationship with him, and i kept telling him to leave it for a while, cause he's only just broke up with his gf and i would feel bad on her in case she still did like him. anyways, like 2 week later, we started seeing eachother, then my feelings got a little better for him and then after about another 2 week we got together. and then after about a month, i fell so deep for him, i was really happy, we was really happy. then i found something out :( he had slept with my best friend the day after i did.. i asked him, he didn't deny it.. he said it was the biggest regret of his life and it meant nothing to him. i don't know why, but i was so heart broken :confused: it's not like we were together or anything, so i don't see why it bothered me so much. but it did, it kinda still does..

anyway, i carried on with the relationship, but ever since i found that out i've been so upset, i always cry.. i'm happy when i'm with him, it's when i'm at home (away from him), i start to get upset, i start to question every little thing, i get myself way too paranoid and worked up! i always cut to the worst conclusion with every situation. he's kind of been different with me since then, he's not as enthusiastic as he was, i feel like he liked me a lot more before we got together.. he used to ring me all the time, i'm lucky if i get a phone call a day, then when i'm with him, he's always really tired.. i've talked to him about most of this, and he's really understanding. maybe i should get something to do in my free time? cause he has things to do in his free time.. i really need help, i'm always upset and i don't know what to do :(

sorry if this doesn't make sense much, tried to explain the best i could :/

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This probably won't help you, but nobody is insecure at birth and there is no pill against insecurity. It is all about thinking it through and come to the conclusion that in your situation the insecurity does - objectively seen - not make much sense. I know it sounds like I am telling you to sit down close your eyes and levitate, but that's how it works. It is only in your head and you can convince yourself not to be insecure.

    Talking to others or having prior experience with similar things helps too.

    Btw. I think he sounds lovely and is really trying, but he might lose the motivation, because he sees you down and depressed all the time. It's a vicious cycle and you should get out of it.

    Probably not the most suave way to sleep with your best friend, but like you already recognized, it was fair play, since you denied him at first, and were not exclusive, but you talked it out and now is the time for acceptance.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi soofetchh,

    Feeling insecure and upset about a relationship can sometimes come from low confidence/self esteem - when you feel you rely on someone else for your happiness and jump to the worst conclusions because you find it hard to accept that there could be any other reasons for actions except ones that reflect badly on you. Have a look at the link above and see if you recognise yourself at all. TheSite.org also has a video on how to boost your self esteem which might help.

    This isn't helped by finding something out about your boyfriend's past which, while logically you know you should be fine with, emotionally it feels like a blow when you find out. This is really natural but it's likely that, given time, it won't feel like it matters so much any more. Just try to accept that your response isn't rational but emotional, and give those emotions time to fade. We often want relationships to start in a perfect way, and with no complications but reality is more difficult than that and contains mistakes, upsets and things people regret. Learning to work with and accept that relationships contain these confusions and working through them in your own head and together with your partner can make you stronger and more able to deal with difficulties when they come up in the future.

    It's really great that you've been able to talk about things with him. You might be right that getting some new things to do in your spare time could help give you other new and interesting things to think about and things, apart from him, to make you happy. Volunteering might be something to look into - there's loads of things out there you can do now - online or near where you live and they can give you new and exciting experiences as well as adding to your CV. Have a look at Do-it for details.

    Hope you're feeling a bit better today and let us know how you're getting on :)
Sign In or Register to comment.