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Insecure moment

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Wasnt sure whether to put this in here or in sex but since it really boils down to my relationship and my feelings thought it wouldn't matter if i popped it in here.

Have been with my partner for 6 months. It's the first really happy, settled relationship i've been in for a long time. We've not argued or had any really bad times so its been pretty stress free. Recently we talked about me playing dress up, or the full lingerie works etc. and it's been nice as i can be quite shy about that side as never done it before.

So last night i thought it would be a nice thing for us both for me to do the stockings/lingerie thing. He locked up downstairs and i got changed and laid on the bed waiting for him to surprise him.

So in he walks, looks and says oh. Comes and sits on the bed, kisses me and says ah aren't you a funny little lass, wondered what you were up to. Then does nothing more than pats my hip and says get into bed then :chin: I said what under the quilt and he says yep. Off he wanders to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

So okay i wasn't expecting him to react like i was elle macpherson or something but i was expecting a little more passion as a reaction. So i got quite embarassed and took the gear off and got into bed as the sexy mood had disappeared for me as the idea of sexy lingerie to me is the visual image you get? So quite how i was meant to feel sexy under the quilt with the light off i don't know.

He came back from the bathroom and asked why i'd taken the gear off and i just said well since i was getting under the quilt anyway why wouldnt i. He said oh i thought we could play under the quilt. To be fair we did have sex after that but it left me really confused.

I guess the point of this post is would anybody else feel slightly puzzled with this? I thought the whole idea of sexy lingerie was for it be a visual turn on for you both? I just ended up feeling like i wasnt sexy or something. Stupid i know :crying:
I'm seeing him tonight and i really would like to try and broach the subject as it's left me feeling like my confidence has deflated a bit really. Blame the PMT or something :yeees:


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dunno, maybe for him it's the feel of it? or maybe he has body issues? Not sure bout the 'funny lass' comment? can only thing he felt shy??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    okay i reeeally feel for you in this post as the same thing happened to me! well nearly the same. i'd never done it before, thought i would try it for my boyfriend for valentines day for a 'treat' and when i err...revealed myself he made hardly any reaction and was like errm whats with that? i felt so embarassed and stupid i ended up taking them off, nearly crying and getting ready to go home! but in the end it worked out okay, he said he didnt know how to react to it, he was a bit embarassed that i made that effort for him and he 'doesnt like suprises'. he did end up telling me to put them back on and that i looked amazing etc which i do believe, it was just the initial reaction that made me feel stupid. iv worn them since and hes always really liked it.

    maybe it was because of one of those reasons? embarassed, or didnt quite know how to react? you hear everybody saying stuff like 'dress up for your man in stockings and suspenders they'll reaaally love it' but i dont think we can assume that every guy is like that! or if they do like it they just might need a while to get used to it.x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be fair thats why i'd made sure we'd spoken about it beforehand so i knew what his reaction would be and when we'd spoken it was positive and turned on. We're talking about a pretty clued up forty year old here who is no shrinking violet so the embarassed or shy line doesn't really apply. I don't know, guess it's going to have to get talked about as i hate keeping things bottled up.
    Just found it cringeworthy as there's me doing the whole sexy act and i just felt a bit like it got blown back in my face. Guess most of it is my hang ups or insecurities. FF, sounds like your night was similar to mine, well the start of it anyway. To be honest not once did he say anything positive even when he'd cottoned on that i was a bit miffed by the whole episode. Most men probably would have tried to rescue the situation by saying oh but you looked great in it, you looked hot etc. but he didn't even say anything like that.
    Guess the real crux of the matter is it's left me feeling like he's not attracted to me that much. Stupid really i know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not stupid at all. I would feel exactly the same.

    All the times I've done the sexy underwear thing, whether he's known about it or not, the boy has always had a :eek: face on, before trying to rip it off of me. Even when I was a bit eh about how it looked on me, he loved it. Because of that I'm a bit surprised at your boyfriend's reaction because I would have interpreted it in exactly the same way.

    I think the best thing for you to do is sit him down and talk about it with him and tell him why you were upset by it. I hope it goes ok :heart:.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Franki. I'm just not used to feeling like this as usually not much bothers me and things have been pretty good so far. I just can't fathom what the hell went through his mind.

    Guess it doesn't help that earlier that night he'd told me that his best friend's wife had decided only to invite him to her 40th down the road and not included me on the invite even though the said chappie had just spent 20 mins talking about it infront of me in the pub. :chin: Strangely that hadnt upset me at the time but going in my present fucked off mood i reckon i'm going to have to be very calm and collected tonight otherwise it's tears and tantrums at bedtime ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    you are definately not being stupid here carolina.

    i dress up and surprise my boyfriend quite alot and if he ever reacted how yours did, i'd be very upset. everytime i dress up, my boyfriend is very complimentary, he doesn't take his eyes off me and instantly wants to have fun. if he did anything different, i'd be wondering what was wrong and i'd be very hurt.

    you really need to speak to your boyfriend about it because otherwise its really going to eat at your self esteem and your boyfriend won't realise that he's upset you.

    to be honest, to me, it sounds as though he just got a little embarassed when you surprised him like that. i know you said that you had previously spoken about dressing up but speaking about it and doing it are two different things. you never know, seeing you dressed up like that might have got him um, a little bit too excited? he might have run off to the bathroom to calm down.

    i hope you sort it out soon xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks all, you're making me feel a lot less neurotic :blush:

    Trouble with me is when people put me on edge or make me feel like this my first instinct is to shut down and leave. Trying to be a grown up for once and deal with it properly.

    Just going to put cards on the table and ask him to be honest and tell me what went through his head when in the bedroom. Can but wait and see what he says really. I'm going to be honest back though and say it felt like he wasn't bothered or turned on by the whole thing.

    He's not great at communicating that well when he's sober so should be interesting :chin: :)
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