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Sex tips
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all I am 19 and have a steady girlfriend now for the first time. We just started having sex and it was ok but I have some issues with it I hoped to get help on.
First off, I've only ever been with 2 girls and both of them hated other sexual positions besides missionary. I ask if they would like to get on top or get on all fours and all of them went all quiet and looked really afraid of it and upset and said they didn't like it. It seems to be because of bad past experiences they had, but I'm not sure what I can do about that. Missionary is ok but it's so tiring for me! They seem to be really liking it but my arms back and hips ache after a few minutes and all I can think about is collapsing and having a rest!
Secondly, and again this was exactly the same with both girls I've been with, I always thought that they liked to have sex for a long time and have multiple orgasms. But I think I have made them reach an orgasm and when I do that, they freeze up and want to stop. And then we cuddle for half an hour or so and then they want to do it all over again. I am fine with that but I am just a bit confused because they can reach orgasm in about 5 minutes and then that seems to be it. I never know if they need to stop then, or if they would rather carry on, but all their signals say "I'm done now! Lets stop!". Is that usual?
Thanks!
First off, I've only ever been with 2 girls and both of them hated other sexual positions besides missionary. I ask if they would like to get on top or get on all fours and all of them went all quiet and looked really afraid of it and upset and said they didn't like it. It seems to be because of bad past experiences they had, but I'm not sure what I can do about that. Missionary is ok but it's so tiring for me! They seem to be really liking it but my arms back and hips ache after a few minutes and all I can think about is collapsing and having a rest!
Secondly, and again this was exactly the same with both girls I've been with, I always thought that they liked to have sex for a long time and have multiple orgasms. But I think I have made them reach an orgasm and when I do that, they freeze up and want to stop. And then we cuddle for half an hour or so and then they want to do it all over again. I am fine with that but I am just a bit confused because they can reach orgasm in about 5 minutes and then that seems to be it. I never know if they need to stop then, or if they would rather carry on, but all their signals say "I'm done now! Lets stop!". Is that usual?
Thanks!
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I recognise the signals you describe. When I orgasm, I can only take so much and my OH has to stop. I'll push him away if necessary. It is a fantastic feeling, but I need to recharge a bit before we try again (and, at our age, I'm afraid we usually fall asleep in each other's arms and forget about the encore). But take heart. You are evidently doing something right as you are genuinely bringing your gf to orgasm. That's no mean feat as a beginner!
There is a widely held male misconception that all women want is hours of pumping. For most of us, it isn't true and if a man can't cum or bring us to orgasm, it just gets boring and sore after a while.
Thank you again, I feel much better about it now.
- I don't mean to offend, but your girlfriends have had quite conservative sexual attitudes. There is nothing wrong in this, but the idea that missionary is best is a bit outdated. A best sexual position depends on how pleasurable it is for both partners. I don't think that many people think that missionary is only good. Either that, or as you say they may have had issues before.
- not all women can have multiple orgasms. And a satisfying sex session is when both people are satisfied. it could mean five minutes, and every woman is different.
You seem very knowledgeable for someone who doesn't seem to believe in sex... (from the how many people thread)
If it's too tiring for you, discuss this with her. Let her know that as incredible as sex is with her, your arms and back tend to tire out from holding up your weight. It's understandable, and hopefully she'll come around to the idea of trying new positions. Try to boost her confidence - tell her how much you love her body, and how you'd really love to see her on top. Guide her.
Oh, and if she has powerful orgasms, her clit can become sensitive to the point of being painful after she has one, which is why she's asking you to stop. Completely normal. She could always go to work on you while she recovers.... :P
Is there more than one person using your account?
No. Only one person. :d
I am sure the OP's gf would make it clear to him if she were in pain. Orgasms, however powerful, do not make your clit sore. Over-stimulation over a long period might, but since the OP says that his gf reaches orgasm within 5 minutes, I think it doubtful that this is the case. The scenario he describes sounds completely normal to me and nothing to worry about.
First off, missionary is my favorite possition, it just feels so good to feel the weight of my partner on top of me. I also like to hug and kiss, and claw backs... so this is a very easy way to do that.
That said, changing it up is nice.
For the orgasm thing, I've been told by a few guys that it gets somewhat over sensitive if I try to touch them after they've cum, and that they need a break. I feel the same way, all of a sudden the touch isn't exactly pleasurable anymore, guess there is too much blood flow or something, and I need a break.
However, just because I can get off in 5 mins doesn't mean I want to.
Sometimes it's nice to play around and tease, get to the point where you are just about to finish, then back off and take it slow again. This makes for an evening of bliss that can last for hours.
That said, there's still a place for a good quicky now and then.
o.0 wow... reading that... females ARE confusing... and I don't blame you.
Also, try other ways of bringing each other off, don't limit yourself to sex.
And a quick biology lesson; when a person orgasms, they get a huge boost of endorphins. Coming down off of this can lead to feeling sad, anxious or otherwise negative, so if your girl has any negative feelings about sex, this will snowball right after orgasm. This could be why they're feeling bad and very tactile after the first orgasm; their emotions get too intense to allow them to get aroused again.