If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
confused by friends?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know if this is the right place to post, but I need some advice on something.
Basically, recently i've been having a really tough time from a number of my friends. People have always made fun of me, and I'm generally pretty good at dealing with it but i can't help but feel that recently it's gotten out of hand as generally the teasing has intensified and become much more tiresome.
Here are a few examples. I have one friend, probably my best one, we talk on the phone alot about things, and he's always really nice to me 1 to 1, however if it's me him and someone else, he completely changes and will take the opportunity to put me down when he can, he'll say stuff like "what the fuck are you doing? retard." and it feels like him and the other person are working together against me.
I have another "friend" who constantly insults me and makes jokes with other people about having sex with my various family members. He also tells my other friends that i've insulted them so that they'll have a go at me. He does this because he "enjoys watching me get parred (insulted)". Yet he always rings me, has told me that I'm his most comforting friend and gets annoyed with me when I can't go to parties with him
I also have a load of other people who are nice to me, but also seem to constantly put me down. It seems I can't say anything even relatively mundane such as "good luck for the exam" without being told "shut the fuck up!"... people are walking all over me at the moment it seems.
But I don't know how I can resolve the situation, I've tried saying i don't like it, but it continues, i've tried ignoring it but it continues. I don't want to stand up properly, and get angry incase I upset anyone, or people think i'm overreacting (which they almost certainly will)
I also don't understand why everyone is so two faced, I'll have people saying "ahh I love you man" and then insulting me ridiculously later on in the day, I don't know whether they're my friends or not?
I wouldn't have posted this unless I was completely at my wits end... I can normally deal with things, but this is affecting my self esteem now, and I need to find an end to it.
Does anyone have any idea what I should do?
Basically, recently i've been having a really tough time from a number of my friends. People have always made fun of me, and I'm generally pretty good at dealing with it but i can't help but feel that recently it's gotten out of hand as generally the teasing has intensified and become much more tiresome.
Here are a few examples. I have one friend, probably my best one, we talk on the phone alot about things, and he's always really nice to me 1 to 1, however if it's me him and someone else, he completely changes and will take the opportunity to put me down when he can, he'll say stuff like "what the fuck are you doing? retard." and it feels like him and the other person are working together against me.
I have another "friend" who constantly insults me and makes jokes with other people about having sex with my various family members. He also tells my other friends that i've insulted them so that they'll have a go at me. He does this because he "enjoys watching me get parred (insulted)". Yet he always rings me, has told me that I'm his most comforting friend and gets annoyed with me when I can't go to parties with him
I also have a load of other people who are nice to me, but also seem to constantly put me down. It seems I can't say anything even relatively mundane such as "good luck for the exam" without being told "shut the fuck up!"... people are walking all over me at the moment it seems.
But I don't know how I can resolve the situation, I've tried saying i don't like it, but it continues, i've tried ignoring it but it continues. I don't want to stand up properly, and get angry incase I upset anyone, or people think i'm overreacting (which they almost certainly will)
I also don't understand why everyone is so two faced, I'll have people saying "ahh I love you man" and then insulting me ridiculously later on in the day, I don't know whether they're my friends or not?
I wouldn't have posted this unless I was completely at my wits end... I can normally deal with things, but this is affecting my self esteem now, and I need to find an end to it.
Does anyone have any idea what I should do?
0
Comments
It sounds like you're having a tough time; I can completely understand why this situation would be confusing and upsetting for you.
Have you talked to any of your friends about how these comments make you feel? If it's the way your friendship has always been, perhaps they don't realise that it's starting to get to you.
I had a friend in a similar situation; she was always the one who had the piss taken out of her, not because we didn't like her, but because she was adorably scatty and came out with real clangers in social situations. The comments people made were never as rude as your friends seem to be, but I noticed that they were becoming more and more frequent and more and more snippy over time, simply because they were getting used to those being the 'terms' of the friendship. She told a couple of us that the comments were starting to get to her, and the whole dynamic of the friendship changed; nobody had any idea that she felt that way until she said something.
Sometimes when a friendship gets into a 'groove' like that, it gathers momentum and there's no way your friends will know how you're feeling unless you tell them. Perhaps decide which of them would be most understanding of a serious conversation, and tell them quietly and on your own exactly what your concerns are. Don't have a go at them, just make it clear that the comments are starting to eat away at your confidence and you'd appreciate it if they didn't do it anymore.
It's a scary thing to do, especially if you have concerns that it might give them more fuel for put-downs, but if the cycle is going to break, it has to be done. And if they start to make fun of you for how you're feeling, get yourself some new friends - ones who value and respect your feelings.
Hope that's helpful - good luck!
I'd say the thing about the friendship getting into a "groove" is probably true, and I think the groove has gotten deeper recently due to the fact I recently went through quite a vulnerable time (I came off anti-depressants quite suddenly after about a year using them, and it had a few side effects that I had to deal with.) and so haven't been able to deal with everything quite as well as I have done previously.
The frustrating thing is that I have told my close friend about this, and made it clear that I don't like the comments, but they continue, and so now it's difficult to know what to do. I mean, maybe a more forceful stand up might be the best option?
Well, with luck the situation will be resolved soon, thanks for the reply.
What is your response when these comments are made? Do you laugh along uncomfortably so as not to rock the boat? Do you ignore them? Do you walk away?
I think you need to establish some boundaries in these relationships, and make it really clear what is ok with you and what is not. If they cross a line, give them consequences. Go to a different party with different friends, and when this guy rings you up for 'comfort', tell him that what he said to you really got to you and you don't want to be around him for a while.
Do you have any friends who don't take the piss out of you?
Well, I don't laugh really, I just kinda stand there and look tired of it, well at least, that's what I try to do.
Yeah, that's a good idea definitely, because although it might not have gone past their boundaries, it's certainly gone past mine.
I do have friends who don't take the piss out of me that much, but they're all people who I don't know so well. Funnily enough though, they're all much nicer to me. Also, most of the girls are generally very nice, although I barely know them.
My plan for the moment is to try and spend time away from the group of closer friends who are causing the trouble, which I'm hoping will allow me to feel better and hopefully will make them, errm, miss me, in a way.
I did (still do) get teased alot by people who i can no longer really call friends for much the same reasons as you. I ve never been able to understand the reasons why and i dnt really do anything any different to anybosy else (to fit in etc) but still people treat me like a younger sister (im told i look quite younger despite that im older than most people my school year!!) and always make me the centre of attention.
My advice would be to lessen contact with people who act like this - or try and turn it on them (even tho that doesnt sound nice it may teach them a lesson!)
Dont do what i did and get so stressed you become anaemic after 3 years of it. Walk away.
hope thats useful!