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How to Get over Him???
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
just to say thanks first to the people who have helped me in the past...
So the update is that last October i split up with my ex (he´s 39 i´m 35) and I moved out of the house in March.....(i was staying there to help pay the rent...)
I´ve got used to living on my own now, but due to living in such a small town I cant avoid bumping into him now and then and when I see him I fancy him still (despite all the negatives in our relationship which I know...and try to remind myself!) but recently he´s started working in a bar and club in the town where i live, so is going out again (sure I realise this is normal now he is single) and he told me that the girls he meets through work fancy him, and i find it so hard to deal with... He tells me that he´s been out and stuff, getting drunk, partying and it fills me with rage, especially when he hardly went out anywhere with me....(see my last posts for the history)
I know I need to get out there myself and meet new people but i´m not a big drinker or party goer anymore, I dont enjoy that scene anymore, prefer a tranquil life, and the friends I have are in couples already and with kids.
To be honest, the going out thing is not so much my problem, but what i need right now is advice of how to get over him, how to get him out of my mind. sometimes when I wake up in the morning he´s the first thing that comes into my head. I have been asked out by other guys but dont fancy any of them.
Any advice please would really help, I live in a small town in the canary islands so there is a lack of social opportunities too that i might normally look at joining to get him out of my head!!
Thanks xxx
just to say thanks first to the people who have helped me in the past...
So the update is that last October i split up with my ex (he´s 39 i´m 35) and I moved out of the house in March.....(i was staying there to help pay the rent...)
I´ve got used to living on my own now, but due to living in such a small town I cant avoid bumping into him now and then and when I see him I fancy him still (despite all the negatives in our relationship which I know...and try to remind myself!) but recently he´s started working in a bar and club in the town where i live, so is going out again (sure I realise this is normal now he is single) and he told me that the girls he meets through work fancy him, and i find it so hard to deal with... He tells me that he´s been out and stuff, getting drunk, partying and it fills me with rage, especially when he hardly went out anywhere with me....(see my last posts for the history)
I know I need to get out there myself and meet new people but i´m not a big drinker or party goer anymore, I dont enjoy that scene anymore, prefer a tranquil life, and the friends I have are in couples already and with kids.
To be honest, the going out thing is not so much my problem, but what i need right now is advice of how to get over him, how to get him out of my mind. sometimes when I wake up in the morning he´s the first thing that comes into my head. I have been asked out by other guys but dont fancy any of them.
Any advice please would really help, I live in a small town in the canary islands so there is a lack of social opportunities too that i might normally look at joining to get him out of my head!!
Thanks xxx
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Comments
You mention the going out thing as not being the real issue here but it seems like it's getting to you. Perhaps part of his way of getting over the relationship was to get this new sociable job that would get him out and about and meeting new people. He's bound to big it up to you to protect his own ego as well. As much as it's hard for you to hear, try not to dwell on it as it will only fuel your imagination!
Are you still 'friends' or is it just when you bump in to him that he tells you about things like these women fancying him? Maybe you need a bit of time with no contact at all? Little snippets of info about an ex can really play on your mind and having a clean break without them can really help you move on. One day you'll wake up and realise you don't really care what he's up to anymore. Unfortunately it just takes time.
If you prefer the tranquil life then stick to that, take some time to yourself and spend time with your good friends. There must be some other things you could get involved in locally that aren't partying related. Community projects, volunteering, a dance class maybe? It sounds cliched but trying something new might help to take your mind off things and at some point someone new will catch your eye
Take care and keep posting, it can help to get your frustrations off your chest more than anything
Agree completely.
Also Jo's point about finding new a new interest. I know exactly how you feel about the awkwardness being single and childless, when all your friends have kids. What I found when I was (mercifully briefly) in this position, was that the only dinner invitations I got was as a date for their hopeless eternal-bachelor friends - and they all have them!
Is there something that you have always wanted to try, that involves a short course away from home? You might think me mad, but something like painting or cooking, something sporty (sailing, rock-climbing, diving), or may be an Open University course/summer school? You would be getting away and meeting some new people. Doing something new would probably be good for your self-esteem as well.