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Advise needed please... Torn
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello guys.
The other night (Saturday) something really crazy happend. I was so excited to have my friends Lara, Ethan and Lorna over and we went out clubbing, my girlfriend Toni came along too (as she always wants to be with me...). We had a great time upto the point where we got home. We were all drunk and just laughing when Toni (my girlfriend) decides she wants to go for a walk, this is a 2am ! The rest of us just said ok, I knew then that she wasin a mood with me....I often feel like she is telling me off for everything. Half hour later she comes back, she had been smoking a spliff, i didnt know where she got it from but she had one. Then she offered everyone a cup of tea and we all thought she had calmed down. She then comes in after making tea and suddenly flips at me. She had read my phone messages and was asking why i had been txting my ex. I had just been asking how my ex was as we are good friends now. But how dare she lookat my messages anyway, i was furious. i she is shouting in my face that i should tell her everything and not hide stuff from her.....I thin said to her that if she didn't stop shouting, i was going to hit her....I know that sounds bad but i could feel myself burning up inside and i knew i couldn't keep myself calm any longer. but she kept going yelling and swearing then she grabbed me around the wrists so i couldnt move. So then suddenly i pulled away and just slapped her loads of times around the face, and started screaming back at her.
I then ran into the kitchen and she followed me, then she grabbed me to the floor and pinned me down. the others tried to pull her off me and then my mum woke up and came downstrairs and pulled Toni off of me. Then toni starts screaming and swearing at my mum and thats when my mum just started crying as toni was insulting her so badly. my mum has taken toni in and looked after her and this is how she repays her. i was so furious that i just ran downstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. i started cutting myself with my razor :no: and mum must have ran downstairs and forced the door open and saw me cutting. she knows that i do it but i have been doing so well and getting better. she cried as she patched me up and i felt so ashame her having to see me like that. but if she hadnt forced herself in i think i would have just kept cutting. of course i was drunk aswel so that would have made it worse. Toni was still trying to stick her nose in and they were both yelling at eachother. i just wanted toni to go away and leave my mum with me because my mum is the most inportant thing in my life.
x
The other night (Saturday) something really crazy happend. I was so excited to have my friends Lara, Ethan and Lorna over and we went out clubbing, my girlfriend Toni came along too (as she always wants to be with me...). We had a great time upto the point where we got home. We were all drunk and just laughing when Toni (my girlfriend) decides she wants to go for a walk, this is a 2am ! The rest of us just said ok, I knew then that she wasin a mood with me....I often feel like she is telling me off for everything. Half hour later she comes back, she had been smoking a spliff, i didnt know where she got it from but she had one. Then she offered everyone a cup of tea and we all thought she had calmed down. She then comes in after making tea and suddenly flips at me. She had read my phone messages and was asking why i had been txting my ex. I had just been asking how my ex was as we are good friends now. But how dare she lookat my messages anyway, i was furious. i she is shouting in my face that i should tell her everything and not hide stuff from her.....I thin said to her that if she didn't stop shouting, i was going to hit her....I know that sounds bad but i could feel myself burning up inside and i knew i couldn't keep myself calm any longer. but she kept going yelling and swearing then she grabbed me around the wrists so i couldnt move. So then suddenly i pulled away and just slapped her loads of times around the face, and started screaming back at her.
I then ran into the kitchen and she followed me, then she grabbed me to the floor and pinned me down. the others tried to pull her off me and then my mum woke up and came downstrairs and pulled Toni off of me. Then toni starts screaming and swearing at my mum and thats when my mum just started crying as toni was insulting her so badly. my mum has taken toni in and looked after her and this is how she repays her. i was so furious that i just ran downstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. i started cutting myself with my razor :no: and mum must have ran downstairs and forced the door open and saw me cutting. she knows that i do it but i have been doing so well and getting better. she cried as she patched me up and i felt so ashame her having to see me like that. but if she hadnt forced herself in i think i would have just kept cutting. of course i was drunk aswel so that would have made it worse. Toni was still trying to stick her nose in and they were both yelling at eachother. i just wanted toni to go away and leave my mum with me because my mum is the most inportant thing in my life.
x
0
Comments
It sounds like you're both too emotionally fragile to be in this relationship. It's good that you're doing well by not cutting, and you shouldn't let this hold you back. A lot of people harm themselves after they've decided to stop, and it's usually an important part of the full recovery because it reminds you of what triggers it and the kind of coping strategies you need.
I know you said that you're doing well, but maybe you shouldn't be drinking for now. Things can seem much worse when you're drunk, so you are more likely to cut.
Your mum wants you to be happy, so maybe if you talk to her about what happened and how you will prevent it happening again, or how you'll deal with similar situations will make her feel reassured.
You haven't said whether or not you want to continue the relationship, but I think you'd both have to learn from this or it wouldn't work.
Well done for deciding to stop cutting. The first set back is something to learn from, don't let it hold you back.
I have said lots of times to her that i don't want to be with her because I think that we aren't good for eachither, esspecially if our arguements trigger our cutting. but she is so manipulative and ends up convincing me that everythings ok when I know it isnt. She is also living with me which is a problem. i have finally convinced her to move out in July so that we can atleast have our own lives and we don't have to be in eachother's pockets 24/7. but she always makes me feel guilty about telling her to leave, but what else am i supposed to do she has been driving me crazy.
let me know what you all think about this.
HUGGGGZZ
xx
You don't need to feel guilty about ending the relationship, as you've said it's not good for either of you. You need to concentrate on yourself for now, and she should probably do the same, whether she's aware of it right now or not.
Stay strong and keep asking for advice or support if you need it. You've done really well by trying to deal with a cause of your cutting, so don't let this ruin your progress.
Thankyou guys for your advise
*hug*
xx