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really strange things have happened to me recently… the following has left me a bit c
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there,A lot of really strange things have happened to me recently… the following has left me a bit confused.
I will call her "Sally" and call myself "Ben" (not our real names)
30yrs ago almost to the day I met a wonderful,intelligent,kind, considerate beautiful young lady at a Saturdays Job that had.She was 16 and I was 18. She's English and I am Asian. We got on very well and used to have great innocent fun on the Saturdays @ wk. There was a lot of chemistry between us which every one commented on! Eventually I finally raised the courage to ask her out and she said yes.
When she told her parents about us, they were a bit surprised....was an unusual time back then for an English girl to date a Asian guy. They came to "see her at work" on Saturday and they saw us together working at the same counter. She later told me that her parents had watched us for approx 20 mins before they came to say hi...and her mother was gob smacked at the electricity/chemistry that there was between Sally and me. She later joked that her mum had started to plan the wedding!
The relationship turned into a wonderful warm loving one and we were both smitten. People used to tell us that despite our different back grounds. we made a lovely couple. It was difficult at times as people used to stare at us..but Sally didnt care..if anything she showed me more affection (we were both very shy)
We talked/laughed/kissed/hugged/supported each other and were inseparable...in the moments that we could be together.....the only problem was my dad...I was banned from going out as I had to study for my impending A Levels. This caused a great strain on our love...and finally we split after a the best period of my life.
We still worked together, but couldn’t talk to each other as there was too much pain on both sides. Not only had I lost my love, I had also lost my Best Friend Sad. She started dating someone else shortly after..but that ended as I later found out that she was still in love with me.
Finally I went to Uni and tried to forget her. However mutual friends of ours invited me to her 18th Birthday Party and I went. She was dating some-one else then, but when she saw me, her eyes lit up as they always used to whenever we looked at each other. At the party she came up to me and put her arm around me and chatted to me for ages. Every-one noticed that the love/chemistry was still there.
After I graduated, I called her and we chatted on the phone. I asked her to meet me for a coffee but she declined as she was seeing someone else, however, we still spoke for ages, neither of us wanted to end the call.
I lost contact with her after that approx 25 yrs ago
I have had a few relationships since then, but noting that was a beautiful as the one that I had with Sally
I registered on Friends Reunited a few years ago. but didn’t really take much notice of it.
Approx 6weeks ago, a girl (Paula) from my infants school uploaded a class photo. I contacted Paula and asked her to email me the photo as i couldn’t see the faces very clearly due to the size/quality of the print.
In the mean time, I have had some professional exams so I didnt check the site.
Right, now comes the strange part.
After my exams, I checked to see if there were any messages, and Sally came up as a "..do you know this person". (she has an unusual surname thats how I recognized her name). This really spooked me out (NO 1)as we didnt go to the same school/college/uni etc. There is was NO LINK between us on this site.
I contacted Sally to say "Hi..how you are you?". She responded (on my Birthday) and advised me that (spooky No 2) "... she was just telling someone about the fun times that we had when we worked in the store.." and asked me if I was still in contact with a mutual friend & if I still lived in the area? I responded to he mail and asked her a few q's and asked her to add me as a friend.
(Spooky No 3.)After my exams, I went onto You Tube for the 1st time in a yr....and Sally's favourite record that she used to sing to me was listed next to one of my favs!!
In the mean time I uploaded a photo of my Motorbike (i'm prevented from putting photos on line due to my line of work)
I didnt hear from Sally for a week, but she did accept my invite, and she uploaded a couple of photos of herself..one when we were together, and what looks like a more recent one. but no response to my mail Sad
In her profile she states that she is married and has 3 kids. But she doesnt use her married name (she always used to use my surname when we were together!!)
I am very very confused. I cant sleep/concentrate and I dont know what to do. Is she just being polite or is she asking me to get in touch....I dont want to get involved if she is married. She didnt play games when we were together so I guess she doesnt play them now
Thanks for reading this
Can someone pls help?
I dont know if shes asking me to contact her or what?
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Comments
I think you should be realistic about these "signs". I quit Friends Reunited as they kept sending me other people's details with a "... do you know this person?" message. In my case, I didn't know any of them. It irritated me and then I started worrying about data protection. I was being sent all sorts of personal data about people I had no interest in. So I complained. It turns out that a clever little bit of software randomly selects "friends of friends" to see if you know them. So you see, there was nothing spooky in getting Sally's details, the software simply did what it was meant to in this instance, and reconnected you. Don't read anything into her using her maiden name either. This is just how Friends Reunited works. Women always register under the name they were known by in school. (You chaps don't have the issue of changing your surname on marriage LOL.)
Sadly, I'm afraid, her adding you as a friend doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to meet you. She is just acknowledging that you were/are friends. In fact, I would say that the very fact that she did not actually respond to your mail suggests that she wishes the past to remain in the past.
Don't blame Sally for this. What you had was evidently very special, and hearing from you after all this time may have brought all sorts of old emotions to the surface. An awful lot of water has passed under the bridge since you last had any contact. She has a husband and family and the idea of seeing you again may simply be too painful for her. Be happy that she still thinks of you as a friend, but it's time to let bygones be bygones. Sad. Best wishes.
Hi,
Thanks for that.
I hear what you are saying... and I have moved on.
What got to me was
We had a very special realtionship..everyone knew that@ the time. We appeared to be in touch on a higher level too...even before we dated.
Eg..I would think of her and 10 mins later she would walk into where I worked even though she wasnt wking that day & would have had to had made a 7 mile detour from school on her way home.
Eg I would feel someone looking @ me when we were @ wk...& I'd look round and see her looking @ me..at diff times/places..
Eg...One time..I'd just had a arguement with my dad and 10 mins later she called me to say that she had had a feeling that I was upset..this was in the days before mobiles...and we hardly spoke on the phone in those days. She couldnt possibly have known about the arguement.. as it wasnt planned.
A couple of days before her name appeared on my list of people...I had had a strange thought about her for no reason..that something was not 100% in her life....have had this is the past..but to be contacted after that..well freaked me out
1) We have NO freinds in common on the site (I am currently her only friend)
2) There is absolutely NO connection between us...unless she was looking for me ( I have an v unusal name...last time I chkd on google...I am the only one (at least online)
3) She told me that she'd been telling someone about the great time that we had when we worked i the store (this was really before & during when we were togther....after we split it was too painfull for both of us as we couldnt talk to each other & we both miserable. She asked me some q's (do u still live in the town, are you still in contact with a mutual friend etc) I replied and asked if she still lived in the area & if parents were ok...and signed with a "x" as she had done in her original message so I was only being polite..internet protocol right?
To date she hasnt replied to this message
4) She accepts me as a friend...and then uploads 2 pictures of herself...one of those I took all those yrs ago
5) I went onto YouTube for the 1st time in almost 1 yr...Her fav song that she used to sing to me was on my list of suggested songs.. it was an unusual song in a diffrent gendre to my favs
She didnt play games when we were together.. so I guess she doesnt now
I dont go on the site (FR) v often..was the 1st time in nearly 1 yr.
I'm not looking to rekindle what we had...its now 30 yrs later & she's married & has kids.
I just wanna make sure that all is ok with her
Thanks for yr comments
B
Try to hold onto the good memories within your live instead of trying to relive them and failing.
It will all work out in the end.