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She's messed me up, big time...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all
I've been suffering from major depression for the past couple of years now, and I joined the Police as a volunteer alongside uni as a way of trying to sort myself out.
I've never been in a relationship with a girl. I actually don't know what it feels like to be loved by a girl, or to have someone to love myself. This is one of the things that's got me so depressed all this time. It's killing me, and I've become so insecure as a result.
But I met this girl in the police that I developed really strong feelings for. She was mentoring me as a volunteer and it was just me she was mentoring initially. I noticed she was giving me some subtle signs - touching me, flirting and she seemed to really enjoy conversation with me. Then I made the mistake of trying to impress her, trying to show her I was good at what I did, trying to be confident when it just wasn't me due to depression. And then along came another guy as a volunteer. He was put alongside me and mentored by her too. He's a few years older than me, loud and outgoing type unlike myself.
Turns out he's so much more capable as a volunteer than me. Never makes mistakes, knows what he's talking about, appears confident and they get on really well. She never talks to me or has a laugh with me, she's taken the piss out of me many times and really makes an effort to make me feel small in front of others. And when I have feelings for her to begin with it hurts so much more. Then there's the competition with him, even though I get on with the guy really well.
The last thing I needed in my life was for this girl to actually think I'm sh*t, to screw me over like this because she knows I'm trying to come off as a 'capable man'. It's hurting me so much, and it's manifesting itself as anger now. I feel so inadequate and just want her to respect me. I wish I was in the 'more secure state of mind' to not have to give much care to what others think but this isn't the case for me.
Should I do things to try and show her I don't really care about her anymore? Or am I doing something really wrong? I keep on breaking down because of her and I can't go on like this anymore.
I've been suffering from major depression for the past couple of years now, and I joined the Police as a volunteer alongside uni as a way of trying to sort myself out.
I've never been in a relationship with a girl. I actually don't know what it feels like to be loved by a girl, or to have someone to love myself. This is one of the things that's got me so depressed all this time. It's killing me, and I've become so insecure as a result.
But I met this girl in the police that I developed really strong feelings for. She was mentoring me as a volunteer and it was just me she was mentoring initially. I noticed she was giving me some subtle signs - touching me, flirting and she seemed to really enjoy conversation with me. Then I made the mistake of trying to impress her, trying to show her I was good at what I did, trying to be confident when it just wasn't me due to depression. And then along came another guy as a volunteer. He was put alongside me and mentored by her too. He's a few years older than me, loud and outgoing type unlike myself.
Turns out he's so much more capable as a volunteer than me. Never makes mistakes, knows what he's talking about, appears confident and they get on really well. She never talks to me or has a laugh with me, she's taken the piss out of me many times and really makes an effort to make me feel small in front of others. And when I have feelings for her to begin with it hurts so much more. Then there's the competition with him, even though I get on with the guy really well.
The last thing I needed in my life was for this girl to actually think I'm sh*t, to screw me over like this because she knows I'm trying to come off as a 'capable man'. It's hurting me so much, and it's manifesting itself as anger now. I feel so inadequate and just want her to respect me. I wish I was in the 'more secure state of mind' to not have to give much care to what others think but this isn't the case for me.
Should I do things to try and show her I don't really care about her anymore? Or am I doing something really wrong? I keep on breaking down because of her and I can't go on like this anymore.
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Comments
I'm sure a girl somewhere out there must like you, you're just not looking in the right places.. go out places with the intention of making friends and nothing more, and learn to be outgoing. What helps me is if I pretend to be famous, it sounds ridiculous, but it's helped me with my shyness and no one ever has to know
Also, if you feel like she's bullying you, report her. Just remember, look after yourself and try not to care too much about other people. You should be the number one priority in your life and not some stupid little girl.
Oh, and expect nothing and you won't get disappointed, only surprised
Personally I think your unhappiness is down to insecurity, which has come from not meeting enough beautiful, smart, desirable women.
The good news is that this can be fixed relatively easily. There's also a great article I just read about your problem with 'trying to impress her'. Personally I'd say that the way to impress her is to act - no, believe wholeheartedly - that she's impressed by you already. If your act is good enough, she's going to believe it too. Trust me.
In addition, I just read a really good article on the same subject, and I think it would really help you. I'm about to send it to you by email/PM. Let me know if you like it!
cheers
indie