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Best friends' Girl
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not sure how to start but situations as follows: 2008/09 new year: me, my best friend (lets call him A.), a girl and some others (not really important at this point.), went to a pub to celebrate. I knew A. had a crush on her for 2-3 months now but it never worked out. So the evening ended with her in my bed. It was just a one timer, and A. said it didn't really matter (still felt guilty though, although I could blame it on alcohol).
Since a year now he's together with (lets call her) B.. They seem happy and everything, with few exeptions, when they dont talk to eachother for a day or two. Well now my problem: I always get clear singals of her,..during nights out, we had more than twice the situation shortly before you make out,..luckly I avoided em quickly by going away or the like...
At the moment they're experiencing a crisis and she even called me and asked if i could come over so we can talk... On the one hand I kind of dig her aswell, on the other hand there's the unwritten rule of not going with one friends' girl,.. espcially not with the one of your best friend. I've already done similiar once(see above) and I'm quite sure I'd loose his and other friendships if taking this step. But still its tempting, besides if its over its over or not?
Any pointers? Or maybe similiar situations? Would be quite nice hear to from other experiences.
Since a year now he's together with (lets call her) B.. They seem happy and everything, with few exeptions, when they dont talk to eachother for a day or two. Well now my problem: I always get clear singals of her,..during nights out, we had more than twice the situation shortly before you make out,..luckly I avoided em quickly by going away or the like...
At the moment they're experiencing a crisis and she even called me and asked if i could come over so we can talk... On the one hand I kind of dig her aswell, on the other hand there's the unwritten rule of not going with one friends' girl,.. espcially not with the one of your best friend. I've already done similiar once(see above) and I'm quite sure I'd loose his and other friendships if taking this step. But still its tempting, besides if its over its over or not?
Any pointers? Or maybe similiar situations? Would be quite nice hear to from other experiences.
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hm how would following scenario sound:
I'll try and be the neutral person, not interfearing in their relationship and maybe wait for .... lets say a month and then make my move? I mean i've been in similiar situations and i didn't mind to much that a friend dated my ex.
Won't be me.
not really acctually but the only argument I get to hear is "bros before hoes" (or in differnt wording for that matter). Would rather like to hear similiar situations which could help mine. Or maybe an experience from someone who has been in my position or in that of A. (best friend)
:yes: you lose your friendship. They've been going out for a year. That's a wee while. And for you to make a move on her while they're still dating (OR after) is not at all cool. You need to distance, if you value your friendship. Cos you will lose it, for a girl who you may be with for a night, or maybe a few months.
Tempting yeah, understandable, yeah. But a (best) friendship is going to last longer than a relationship.
Would have been quite stupid to act immediatley...As for today they still seem to have issues with eachother but I'll try and stay out of it and only if needed assit my friend.
[(The only way seeing myself approching his girlfriend now would be:
they broke up for a month or two, he says it be cool/he doesn't mind and I wouldn't notice ANY sign of disagreement/disapproval in his saying or his facial expression. And I guess both of us would have to be drunk, the girl and me that is. Although I do hope now that this scenario will never occure).]
Especially it would have been derranged to trade a (I guess at best) short term relationship for a best friend. Kind of like a "Queens Sacrifice" just to win one game(and yes I watched Flashforward the other day ^^, brilliant episode). I still kind of think "friends before hoes" should have some limits/exceptions but it deffinatly applies to my situation atm, and it would have been wrong to act otherwise.
Thanks for all the advice and also for not encouraging me to a betrayal(might have gone terribly wrong)!
Cheers,
Jack
Well, I meant it be the only scenario atm I'd see myself approaching her in the near future. Although I admit its sounds kind of targeting a one nightstand but I wasn't trying to convey that my only goal was to get her into bed. (Which of course PARTLY was, I can't neglect that :rolleyes: ).
Ive learn to stay away from that kinda thing, more so if theres a friendship at stake.
Nevertheless I'm taking your advice and I'll keep off her and I'll continue trying to avoid her when meeting both of em (if she goes on as before, i might even stay well off her then).
Well I'm off for the evening, thanks again to all and have a nice one
If you're best mates, then I wouldn't even think about being with a mate's lady.
If he liked someone, I'd steer clear, if he was with someone, I'd steer clear and if he's broken up with someone, I'd steer clear.
Can you imagine how awkward it would be for him and her if you two got together and you were wanting to do things with them both, like go down the pub etc.
If you're not really mates with him - e.g. the casual acquaintance, then sure, go for it if you can stand a bit of abuse from him and others.