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How does counselling help? (plus update)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Following on from http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread.php?t=140352
On Tuesday, I ran away again, I also did this last night and Wednesday.
On Wednesday, I was in the kitchen with the people I live with. One of them brought up the subject of me & suicide. She then went on to say that the friend of mine (I've known him for seven years; she for a few months) is dodgy - he's not. She then gave me a lecture on how selfish suicide is and other stuff.
Anyway, I was cooking some food and she was going on about how I never eat. Um, hello? I was cooking food which I did intend to eat. I also explained to her that due to my bowel problems, gaining (and maintaining) weight isn't that easy, plus I have inherited a gene from my dad which means I can eat whatever I want and won't put on weight. She's mentioned this several times - but only when I go to make food.:yeees:
She (and another girl) gave me a lecture and basically said that getting help is easy - anyone I've talked to says it's really hard asking for help. She asked me why and said she won't take "because it is" for a valid answer.
After running away last night, I sent my friend an email to which he replied. He pretty much said I need to tell my parents, (they know everything up to last Monday) I need to learn to manage without him (I am very clingy atm) and I need to get counselling.
How does counselling actually help with depression? I really don't want to go over everything again and again.
And how do I tell the girls politely to back off and leave me alone? I'm not going to pretend I'm fine; because I'm not. But I am fed up of them accusing me of not eating - I am eating and my habits haven't changed that much since coming to uni.
On Tuesday, I ran away again, I also did this last night and Wednesday.
On Wednesday, I was in the kitchen with the people I live with. One of them brought up the subject of me & suicide. She then went on to say that the friend of mine (I've known him for seven years; she for a few months) is dodgy - he's not. She then gave me a lecture on how selfish suicide is and other stuff.
Anyway, I was cooking some food and she was going on about how I never eat. Um, hello? I was cooking food which I did intend to eat. I also explained to her that due to my bowel problems, gaining (and maintaining) weight isn't that easy, plus I have inherited a gene from my dad which means I can eat whatever I want and won't put on weight. She's mentioned this several times - but only when I go to make food.:yeees:
She (and another girl) gave me a lecture and basically said that getting help is easy - anyone I've talked to says it's really hard asking for help. She asked me why and said she won't take "because it is" for a valid answer.
After running away last night, I sent my friend an email to which he replied. He pretty much said I need to tell my parents, (they know everything up to last Monday) I need to learn to manage without him (I am very clingy atm) and I need to get counselling.
How does counselling actually help with depression? I really don't want to go over everything again and again.
And how do I tell the girls politely to back off and leave me alone? I'm not going to pretend I'm fine; because I'm not. But I am fed up of them accusing me of not eating - I am eating and my habits haven't changed that much since coming to uni.
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Comments
Your flatmates sound really rude and in your space, I think I would have been upset by them too. How dare they tell you whether you're eating not enough and demand you explain to them your feelings and why you are / why you are not doing whatever. Perhaps they are just concerned but it did sound the way you put them across as they were being busy bodies. Perhaps now they know, they feel uncomfortable and want to help, but don't realise that sometimes the best help is to act normally instead of making everything into an issue and "confronting" everything all the time.
I hope you're feeling ok melian. If it makes you feel not alone, my housemate is the same about most stuff I do. If I don't go out to a lecture "weren't you supposed to go to a lecture? wont you get behind? i thought you were already behind?" and so on and so forth. Obviously deep down she's probably only trying to make a fuss of it as she cares about me in some form, but really the way of handling it just makes me feel worse about it all! Some people are just clutzes like that, and I've found the best way to deal with it is to politely dismiss them!
I think you should just say to your flatmates, this is what I say to my friends, "I am not okay, but I don't want any fuss. I will speak to you when I am ready to, I know you are concerned but I need some time to think."
Xx
They did say they were concerned about me. But if they really are, then why would they basically be accusing me of not eating? Because of my height (5'1") I don't need to eat as much as them to stay a healthy weight.
On Friday, I was with one of the girls who was asking really innapropriate questions about me & my friend. (the one who has spoken to him before)
I really need to learnt to tell them to back off and that I don't want to talk about it.
Thanks.
B-A - yeah, I think I'll do that.
Thankfully, my parents are being nowhere near as bad. I haven't spoke to mum yet. (she does know - dad has spoken to her) Dad did ask something about it on Monday; but it wasn't "until you tell me exactly what's going on; I won't leave you alone".
Hey Melian,
Just like ShyBoy has mentioned there are different types of counselling to help with different conditions. CBT works on thoughts and behaviour and Person Centred works on more emotional stuff etc... Are you linking in with any professinals for help at the moment?or your GP?This may help guide you to the most appropriate type. Have you looked on the site also on the counselling section?
In summary though all types of counselling have the common aim of helping you understand youself better and moving forward. Its not for everyone but it does help alot of people out there:) .
Take care and keep posting:wave:
Have you been diagnosed with depression? If you have, you should have already been referred to someone, and you can go to your doctor for that. If you haven't, its worth going to your GP to see if you have got depression, BD or something similar. If you don't have a specific mental problem, you can always ask them for a referral to a councilor anyway. There are loads of different types, each one is different, and not every type is for you. It's kinda hit and miss really, but here are some: http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/treatments/talkingtreatments
If you dont want to talk to your parents about everything, and as long as you are getting help, you could just say, i know your worried, but its being dealt with. That should put their minds at a sort of rest.
As for your friend, i think you might have to give him time. He may be scared or freaked out by everything thats happening to you, especially if he hasnt come into contact with this type of thing before. And you never know, he might be going through his own problems. Just give him some space and he should come around.
Good luck with everything
I would rather have this, tbh. Constantly being accused of having an eating disorder when I don't, is getting boring now. And they only say something when I'm eating or heating up food to eat.:yeees:
I was in the kitchen on Monday and one of them commented on me supposedly losing a lot of weight. (I have stomach problems and have struggled with my weight for 3 years due to this) She then went on to say "it's not a bad thing". Thanks for making me feel better - not. She then said something about how my top was baggy - I then said "well, I can't wear the next size down because the arms are too tight on me".
With regards to getting help - I am here until next Friday when I go home for 2 weeks. I then come back until the start of June. So what would hapen then? or can where I am now (NW London) refer me to someone in Plymouth?
Go home, have a rest, relax and try to do basic stuff to keep your mood as good possible. By this I mean focus on: managing stress, keeping a good routine, doing regular exercise, keeping a healthy diet (ties into routine as well, a bit of cereal every morning can do magic). Then come back and brace yourself a bit, hopefully see the counsellors and from there you can start to deal with the underlying issues and not just the symptoms.
Many hugs melian!
This. Well said, ShyBoy.
Hugs from me too Melian, the best way to make things better is getting help from others
Also, I don't know if anyones said this, but could you maybe start a hobbie (if you don't already)? Like, join a reading club or something? That way, you can make new friends who you get on with better.
In addition to this, I think group therapy could really benifit you. Maybe along side, or after, one to one counselling. You could talk to people who understand what you are going through, and you don't even have to speak that much, not if you don't want to. I found it better than any other therapy
Xx