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I've said this before but....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
...I feel utterly crap. I am the lowest I have ever been. I don't care anymore although I wish I did. It seems most of my day is spent feeling like I am about to cry. But I can't. I broke down to one of my housemates the other night, and I have started self harming frequently (but not badly) again. I feel numb, lonely and lost, like I am just wandering this world aimlessly by myself. I also may have had a couple of panic attacks (not sure though) which has never happened before.
I got uni results back, and didn't do as well as I hoped so I have to graduate this year and find a job. I have no idea what I want to do. At all. I just know I don't want an office job, and I want to move out of my parents house as soon as possible after I have graduated.
I just want someone to care about me.
And the main purpose of this post was I am so close to going to see a doctor about this all (it's affecting my uni work) but I hate doctors. I go all red and shakey and scared. ugh. In principle going to the doctors is probably the way forward. In practice I'm not so sure, it'll take a lot of effort. Thoughts please?
I got uni results back, and didn't do as well as I hoped so I have to graduate this year and find a job. I have no idea what I want to do. At all. I just know I don't want an office job, and I want to move out of my parents house as soon as possible after I have graduated.
I just want someone to care about me.
And the main purpose of this post was I am so close to going to see a doctor about this all (it's affecting my uni work) but I hate doctors. I go all red and shakey and scared. ugh. In principle going to the doctors is probably the way forward. In practice I'm not so sure, it'll take a lot of effort. Thoughts please?
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no. no one here cares. I live with three guys, as the rest of our friends gradually drifted away. The guy I broke down to has gone home for the weekend, another is working, and the other is watching tv and is in a funny mood. I have tried just now to go talk but yeah. funny mood. I can;t afford a day of nothing either. I have a deadline monday and friday of which i'm screwed for.
So the doc worked for you?
Hmm... but I hate talking to people face to face esp about stuff like this. Did your doc not mind you breaking down in front of her?
Hey Purpledhaze,
Sounds like your going through a tough time but also have some people around you who care. It can be a bit nerve wracking to talk to someone professionally about your feelings but it can also give a great sense of release and empowerment. Have you considered counselling before?Counsellors are specifically trained to listen and support, its also confidential. and you can be referred by your GP.
have a look at the link and keep posting:wave:
Hi Purpledhaze,
People do care about you, your housemate realised how unhappy you are and said to go and talk to someone about how you are feeling.
Do you think you could have someone to go with you, to the doctors or your tutor? Maybe that would help.
Hugs
Have just emailed someone in my department about my work due in soon which I am behind on... hopefully this will help a bit. I just don't like people knowing I am struggling!
I think I have to go speak to my tutor too though or a doctor as I can't go on like this really. It's horrid. I may be able to find someone to come with me. That way they can make sure I actually go. That's a really good idea, thanks Leanne.
Yeah, taking someone with you could help. Not just for making sure you actually go, but also to maybe take your mind off feeling scared and shakey a little bit.
I don't know who to talk to. The person I emailed hasn't replied, and as he is the head of department I think you have to book an appointment as he is always busy, maybe I should email him again?Or... I could go see my tutor but I think he is still in the Middle East or somewhere that way on a trip... Or... I could go see a doctor but I there are no appointments until Friday... and I am meant to be doing stuff on Friday anyways. I so should have booked an appointment earlier! So... yeah :banghead:
You could try ringing the head of department again.
If you know you don't feel that comfortable about talking face to face, maybe think more about getting someone to go along with you for moral support? You could also write a few things down that you want to say so if you get shakey or scared you have that to help prompt you or to show them. All the best
The doctors is silly, the online appointment booking thing says first avaliable appointment is next Monday, although the only two times clash with my only lecture, and on Tuesday it is with a male doctor, not sure how I feel about that. I guess I could book and cancel. What happens if I bottle out of going/ don't feel the need to go next week? I really do hate doctors appointments! I get all nervous and red and my heart does somersaults!
That's why I hate booking them in advance, as it gives me more time to worry! Wish I could just turn up and be seen to lol!
Argh!
ok: i just booked an appointment 3pm next Tuesday :S
You said before that your house mate was pretty much making you go and talk to someone. Could you tell your housemate you have an appointment and ask if they would try and make you stick to your appointment?
Oh, and see if you can get someone to go with you?
Am going to try and make all my lectures this week too! So yeah, I feel a little more positive now
Will let you know how I get on tomorrow.
I feel even worse now. Honestly he really fucked things up. Maybe no one does care. Argh. :crying:
So sorry to hear that your Doctors appointment made you feel worse. People do care, there is a lot of good advice and support out there, including Thesite and the community here, so please feel free to post as much as you want and explore what's going on for you.
It's very disheartening when Doctors do not listen. The late appointment is forgiveable, but to make you feel that way from the beginning is not fair. You have the right to see another Doctor. Perhaps even change your Doctor? See this page. Might it also help to speak to someone at NHS Direct (0845 46 47) or to someone on a helpline?
You've mentioned that 3 people know about what's going on for you at the moment. Can you talk to any of them about the frustration you are feeling?
Take care
As for talking to someone, they are trying to help within their capacity, I have to go talk to my course department tomorrow about how the doctors went and another staff member wants me to email them at the end of the week about this week. So people are trying, I guess that's helpful, but I just feel completely stuck! I guess it's early days.
Hopefully when you go back for your review with the Doctor you will get a better service than you got today. Perhaps you could reflect on your negative experience today with the Doctor at the end of your next session - just so that they are aware of how today made you feel?
Counselling is definitely worth a try, such is life - it works for some and not for others. Why not check out some of the information on this page about treatments, particularly the counselling page - it may help to explore other options out there.
Argh, I did something last night which is so unlike me. I think it's cos I feel messed up at the moment, I think that's partly to blame but also I dunno... meh.
But I have an appointment with a counsellor now, which I guess could be helpful but it's not for a while.
That's all. Just needed to write this down, not that it makes any sense at all/ requires an answer!
Great to see you've got the appointment with a counsellor, hopefully you'll be able to discuss what you did with them if it's still bothering you. Or you can always feel free to discuss it here, if you're comfortable posting in more detail.
I hope your next doctors appointment goes better for you.
Keep posting