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Dropping out of uni?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone. I know similar threads have been posted recently about break ups but I feel my situation is slighty different and would apprepicate thoughts on it.
6 weeks ago my bf of nearly 2 years dumped me due to him being no longer happy in the relationship. The 1st couple of weeks i was feeling fine about all this, I was even beginning to enjoy being single. However for the past 3 weeks all that has changed. I cry pretty much very day, all i want to do is lie in bed and sleep. The thing I`m finding so hard to cope with is the fact that he lives only round the corner from me and we are both doing the same degree.
My main concern right now is the fact I`ve completely stopped going to classes just so i dont have to see him as it hurts me too much. We hang around with the same group at uni so its impossible for me to avoid him. I have essays and a dissertation to begin and a report due in this week, which ive yet to start. I feel so low right now and have zero motivation to do any work. This is my final year and with only 8 weeks left I really cant afford to fuck up my degree just because of him. Im at a complete loss as what to do. Right now the only thing i can think about is dropping out and repeating next year but i know ill probably end up regretting that decision.
I know everyone will say it will take time to heal but its really something i dont have alot of right now and as the weeks have gone past I progressively feel even more depressed. I just dont know what to do anymore. I`d get back with him this very instance if it meant i didnt have to feel like this any more.
Sorry for the long essay. I just wanted to get my thoughts down and any words of advice will be greatly appreciapted .
Thanks
6 weeks ago my bf of nearly 2 years dumped me due to him being no longer happy in the relationship. The 1st couple of weeks i was feeling fine about all this, I was even beginning to enjoy being single. However for the past 3 weeks all that has changed. I cry pretty much very day, all i want to do is lie in bed and sleep. The thing I`m finding so hard to cope with is the fact that he lives only round the corner from me and we are both doing the same degree.
My main concern right now is the fact I`ve completely stopped going to classes just so i dont have to see him as it hurts me too much. We hang around with the same group at uni so its impossible for me to avoid him. I have essays and a dissertation to begin and a report due in this week, which ive yet to start. I feel so low right now and have zero motivation to do any work. This is my final year and with only 8 weeks left I really cant afford to fuck up my degree just because of him. Im at a complete loss as what to do. Right now the only thing i can think about is dropping out and repeating next year but i know ill probably end up regretting that decision.
I know everyone will say it will take time to heal but its really something i dont have alot of right now and as the weeks have gone past I progressively feel even more depressed. I just dont know what to do anymore. I`d get back with him this very instance if it meant i didnt have to feel like this any more.
Sorry for the long essay. I just wanted to get my thoughts down and any words of advice will be greatly appreciapted .
Thanks
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Comments
I completely agree with in that you cant let him fuck up your degree. First things first, do you have a personal tutor you could see about an extension for some of your work that is due? If you explain how low you've been feeling then I'm sure they will understand. This will alleviate some of the pressure so you can go back to kicking academic arse
As for lectures and classes, do you have a friend you could confide in? Perhaps you could sit with them in the lecture or seminar. I'm not sure how big your lectures are but I remember panicking about attending one particular lecture because someone that actually physically repulsed me was g oing to be there. The thing is, my heart pounded for the first few minutes of being in the same room because it was such a jolt from the past seeing him, however I got so completely absorbed with the lecture that I didnt pay any attention and during the actual lecture I forgot he was there. Sure, at the end of the lecture there is that awkward bit where everyone jostles to leave the lecture theatre and I worried about bumping into him.. but really everyone is in such a rush to get out of there that this wasn't really a problem for me. Also- if you were to bump into him. So what? I don't mean that harshly but just bear in mind you're independent, have feet and can just walk away. No harm done is what I'm trying to say
Please dont let him affect you. I know nothing about him but by you not going to classes and keeping up you are letting this guy (who in a few years time you will probably laugh at) have control over your final year of uni. I know it seems like it's so easy for me to say this but I have definitely attempted to take some of the next advice I'm going to give you on board: Focus on your studies..become absorbed. You will feel so much better about yourself if you get yourself into class and lectures. Then concentrate on having fun during your final year. Does your uni have a leaver's ball? I've felt crappy this year but bought myself tickets to that to g ive me something to look forward to. Hope you're okay and my warbling made some sense x
I know exactly how you feel, because my ex did this to me as well.
Final year at Uni, dissertation, job lot. Except she kept me hanging on, 'not sure what she wanted' - not what you need when you've got such a hectic time ahead.
My advice - and that's all this is - throw yourself into your work and prove to yourself that you can do it. Give yourself time to cry and get over things at the end, after you've done your work.
I think if you were to repeat your final year, it would just kick up too many bad memories!
Bit of a jerk for doing this to you, but I can totally empathise! I hope you're ok, let us know how you get on.
I know you are both right when you say i should throw myself into my work. Im sitting on a high 2:1 atm, and it would be such a waste to throw all that away. I just wish i could get rid of this sadness and emptyness im feeling right now. Also another thing is i dont get on with the 2 girls i live with. We have never been close but recently things between us escalated and now we dont speak at all. Living here has been getting me down for months now but recently on top of the break up eveything just feels like its gotten too much. I could easily not leave my room for days on end and no one would even notice.
I still do love my ex, however i know he doesnt feel the same and ive got to accept that. Things hadnt been great between us since before christmas, but bearing in mind we both were going into our last semester i was willing to keep things amicable and wait till uni was over before making a final decision about our relationship. I just wish he had felt the same way. Really hate him atm for doing all this right now
But it's kinda taken out of my hands because I failed one of my exams.
I'd recommend avoiding that if at all possible!
*hugs* it sounds like it's been a rough ride on a number of counts. In terms of the timing issue though, I have to say that there really never is a 'right time' to be dumped. If this had been drawn out until uni was over then it probably would still be having an impact on your studies and then you would feel stressed that it was happening during a time when uni was suddenly over and you had job hunting/next steps etc to worry about.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to try not to get into a trap of thinking that these kind of factors make things worse as what really matters now is how you manage your time in the next few months and use these final months of university to perhaps explore things you wouldn't otherwise have had the chance to.
Obviously getting through your course is a big deal, but there are other things that might boost your confidence in the run-up to graduation such as finding a job/volunteering placement to do once a week or getting involved in that society that you thought looked interesting.
Finally, try not to be too hard on yourself about how bad and empty you feel at points. As many people can vouch on TheSite.org - it's painfully normal. Let yourself wallow until your bored of your own thoughts on the matter and then scoop yourself up and get out there to be the excited person you know you can be.
Hey, so how are you feeling now?
I know it's a hard situation and i feel for you, i really do. It would be great if there was a magic button you could press and you were back to the 'normal' you wouldn't it?
Push for the 2:1, like I said, I was dumped in the last few months of Uni and it hit me hard, I ended up with a high 2:1, whilst she ended up with a first. Damn her. She also got some special award for something or other...
That really hurt. My graduation was also ruined, because she turned up there with the person who I had been dumped for!
I've got the last laugh though because she's stuck in a dead end job, living in her fiance's skanky house and he's in a dead end job too. Whereas I've just bought my own house and have done well to secure a job with good prospects.
Yes the pain won't go away immediately. If it did, then you wouldn't be human. Get uni out of the way, then cry for days or weeks straight. You'll feel better about it, trust me.
I know what you mean about the love not being reciprocated, and it's not easy to accept. Just remember what your friends are there for!
If you need to chat, PM me.
I have been thinking about graduation also recently. Obviously my ideal situation would have been us graduating together still in a relationship but tbh my ex has already failed an exam and all he spends his time doing every night is drinking an smoking weed so the likelihood of him even leaving with a decent degree this year are looking very slim atm. Beginning to realise i dont need someone like that in my life right now