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Want to die *bit of a rant*
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay, sorry for this.. I just need to let it out.
I've really fucked up recently. I've taken too many pills to be safely alive, but not enough to die. I've cut myself badly, and it's painful.
My best friends in hospital, and he might die. He tried to hang himself, but his mum found him or something.. I didn't really want to read the email he sent me. I've already said, if he dies I'm going too. He's also getting stitches.
I'm trying to stop smoking and it's really hard, I want a fag so badly. But, I know that it's going to get me in more shit at school if I don't stop. I've already been seen by loads of teachers, outside of school, and they can tell my mum because I was in uniform.
My mum is back with her twat of a boyfriend. My dad has said he isn't going to see me again until I say sorry to his wife (I DON'T WANT TO!!!!) All the family on my mums side hate me, because I don't get on with them apart from my uncle. They say I don't make an effort but I do try!
My school work is getting stupid. I've got so much to do, and I just cant be fucked. And I hate school in genral, all my friends are just as messed as me and it isn't helping any of us. But, I can't hang out with anyone else because they don't understand me and I don't understand them. I tried, and they all just pissed me off so much!
I just want to die... or at least sleep till it's all over. I can't cope with it all anymore. Sorry to start another thread.
Broken-Angel Xx
I've really fucked up recently. I've taken too many pills to be safely alive, but not enough to die. I've cut myself badly, and it's painful.
My best friends in hospital, and he might die. He tried to hang himself, but his mum found him or something.. I didn't really want to read the email he sent me. I've already said, if he dies I'm going too. He's also getting stitches.
I'm trying to stop smoking and it's really hard, I want a fag so badly. But, I know that it's going to get me in more shit at school if I don't stop. I've already been seen by loads of teachers, outside of school, and they can tell my mum because I was in uniform.
My mum is back with her twat of a boyfriend. My dad has said he isn't going to see me again until I say sorry to his wife (I DON'T WANT TO!!!!) All the family on my mums side hate me, because I don't get on with them apart from my uncle. They say I don't make an effort but I do try!
My school work is getting stupid. I've got so much to do, and I just cant be fucked. And I hate school in genral, all my friends are just as messed as me and it isn't helping any of us. But, I can't hang out with anyone else because they don't understand me and I don't understand them. I tried, and they all just pissed me off so much!
I just want to die... or at least sleep till it's all over. I can't cope with it all anymore. Sorry to start another thread.
Broken-Angel Xx
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Comments
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I don't care about it, if I had more I'd take them now.
Xx
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BA - normal paracetamol is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. I am surprised that one of the mods hasn't picked up on your message. You should NEVER take more than 8 normal pills in one 24 hour period. I'm serious. You should seek medical advice right away - even if you have no symptoms. It causes potentially fatal liver damage. Paracetamol is one of the most dangerous over-the-counter medicines because it is so easy for people to overdose accidentally. PLEASE CALL NHS DIRECT and get advice now!!!!!
And, I know it can. They told me if I didn't stop I'd die before im 35.
Xx
Xx
I don't pretend to know the circumstances that bring you to this desperate state. I only know how much we on the site value the maturity of your posts. It seems to me that you have a great future ahead of you, if you can just get through this rough patch. I just wish there was something more practical I could offer other than a sympathetic ear. Stay with us.
May I just say that if you are under the impression that a suicide from paracetamol is painless, may I warn you that it is the most excruciatingly painful way to kill yourself.
These people who do take too many, end up in hospital cursing the day that they were so stupid and begging to be able to live. Once you have taken enough to damage your liver, your life cannot be saved. Your body will fill up with toxins that will cause the most immense pain. You will die - but it can take days to happen.
And the doctors cannot give you additional pain relief because the amount required to take away the pain, will kill you. So they leave you to writhe in agony in your hospital bed.
It would be far better for you to seek counselling for your issues and face up to life like all the rest of us have to. If you think life is tough, try and be an Indian street urchin.
Life is very much worth living. Personally, I have come to the conclusion that by helping others instead of wallowing in my own self-pity, it gives me the determination to enjoy as much of life as I can.
Hang in there. You're a tough girl. And your own 'adult' life is just around the corner where you are free to make your own choices. Be patient, do well at school .. and then make the world your oyster.
I try to give people advice, but I suck at it anyway. I've really just given up... for years I've tried to be happy. I'm sick of fucking pretending. :-( Ohhh.
You dont have an easy life and you have every right to be like this, though i dont recomend it its not your fault you got this way.
You give some of the best advice on here and i think you know that, everyone else seems to anyway!! just ask anyone whos read anything youve put to other people, your VERY helpful and your such a nice person. I just want everything to work out for you, talk to you soon. love you x
Can I ask what is it that you're sick of pretending about? If it's that you feel you're pretending to be happy with your friends and family then maybe it might be worth just trying to be honest with them about how you feel?
Sometimes people need help and there's nothing wrong with that. Just being honest with the people who care about you could make a big difference. Not only could they help you find help but it would hopefully mean you wouldn't have to keep living a lie about how you are feeling.
That's not to say you'd suddenly be happy, but at least you wouldn't be burdened by having to pretend to be happy. Often you'll find that the people closest to you may be more aware of how you are really feeling than you thought - that their relationship with you might have been affected by the feeling that you weren't able to be honest about yourself.
I also do need to make something clear and it's not the easiest thing. At TheSite we believe it's important that people should be open about what they are going through and with the encouragement of others make their own choice to find help - however we do have a duty of care to our users. So it is really important to bear in mind our confidentiality policy.
A service like Samaritans can provide you with complete confidentiality but that's not something we're able to offer here. I don't believe that's quite the stage we're at here, but you do have the right to understand that we may have to act on messages around suicide.
It's only really your decision to get your mind around what is going on in your life. Don't let your mum's twat boyfriend get to you, he isn't worth your time. Just smile and move on. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope he's okay, and when he comes out of hospital, you two can pull yourselves through this.
You're a wise young woman, who has a lot to offer. There are some changes you'll have to make - if you don't want to quit smoking then don't if you find it takes the edge off. Please just empty out your paracetemol down the toilet. There's so much more in life. Yeah, you'll have shit days, but you will also have fun days
I don't think Jim meant he was going to phone your mum and tell her what you've been posting on here - I can't imagine them ever doing that in 99% of circumstances, just that if he and the other mods were seriously worried about you they would intervene and get an ambulance in a crisis for example. Just the same as if someone on here was talking about a crime the mods would probably if it was serious contact the police. But as he said; "I don't believe that's quite the stage we're at here."
I think that's what he meant anyway.
Remember above all else we are all here to support you and just want to see you get healthier and happier, but sometimes like Jim said you need to get help to get to that stage (and its not always easy to find the right help, or either to accept it).
On the other point from before, you do give really good advice, like in your other thread. A lot of people will take strength from what you post and how you help them so it's a two way thing.
I'm not a MH specialist but when you feel like taking paracetamol is there anything else you could do instead? Perhaps drink a pint of ice cold water? Like you said in your other thread, you can't stop instantly but it's important to manage it so you are not doing yourself more harm than necessary.
Take care x
:yes: ShyBoy is right B-A, please don't worry. Jim just wanted to make you aware of the policy and it's true that we would only ever act if it was absolutely necessary. It's not something we would ever do lightly.
You should feel happy to continue to post about how you're feeling. As GothDetectives said, you have a lot to offer this community and you give some really sound advice to other people too. We like having you around
I had an alright day today, and I've been given a stress ball from school to use in lessons. I don't know if I'm ready to stop self harming, but maybe I'll try and not do it so much.
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