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Am I taking this too personally?

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in Sex & Relationships
Hiya guys

I was hoping some of you could give me some opinions on something.

I've been getting on great with that girl on my course (as some of you may remember.) Things have gotten alot better since the last few threads. Although something happened thats been bothering me.

After we had class, we went back to the other campus as she wanted to talk about her script and grab a bite. So I offer to take her to a restaurant. We go and grab something to eat. As we are eating, she asks about how the projects are going and I tell her about my dissertation appoinment (which was OK but the guy was talking about LOADS of stuff and sometimes there were long pauses so I didn't know when to jump in.) As I tried to explain this, she goes off on a tangent about how I have a problem with teachers and that I'm paranoid that they are out to get me.

Then she said that my grades aren't perfect this year and starts criticising me about how I do things. She told me what I could do to improve but it felt like a punch in the gut. Only because I gave her help on her work and she got good marks. Well that and I like her a lot.

Any thoughts?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Disregarding someones intentions or attitudes towards you, how have you been in the past in regards to taking criticism?

    She could just be meaning to help you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I've noticed recently that at times, I can't take it all that well. That I can be stubborn.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its possible that you both maybe at a little fault here, maybe she could be a little less harsh, and you could take a little of it on the chin, but take the advice and directions that were intended :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^ Word.

    You have to learn to take criticism, I know its hard. I get the feeling she was trying to be honest.

    I used to hate being criticised, I dont know if its age, but now I just take it on the chin. Ive learnt to suck it up and deal with it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Its possible that you both maybe at a little fault here, maybe she could be a little less harsh, and you could take a little of it on the chin, but take the advice and directions that were intended :)

    I suppose so. I think its because she's German explains why she's so blunt (as she admits herself) She did give me some pointers though.

    I'm just wondering is it normal to be annoyed with her for it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually find myself more annoyed when I get some advice thats not what I want to hear, but is the right advice, and I know it, but dont want to admit it :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    I usually find myself more annoyed when I get some advice thats not what I want to hear, but is the right advice, and I know it, but dont want to admit it :)

    I think so too. Maybe is because shes pointing it out is why its bothering me.

    It might sound dumb but I guess I'm worried that because said that, she doesn't like me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's pretty rare for anyone to spend the time trying to help someone or point out to them how to deal with problems if you don't care for them or like them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She was obviously trying to help you. A lot of people have problems taking criticism, but it does get easier as you get older and get a thicker skin to these things. Some people are quite blunt when they give critism. My line manager is, but I've worked their long enough npw that I'm used to it now and I do listen to their advise.

    Dont take it to heart, and I know its hard not too sometimes, especially if she doenst know everything in your past that make make you defensive over certain subjects.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she's not usually like that I would let it slide. You could make a sharp remark that your grades and the ways you get things done is your business in a semi-serious tone so she gets the jist that her criticism is not welcome but without forcing an argument.

    Of course, now it's too late for that, so just forget about it and hope she had just a bad day.

    /e: I would be more like the girl, in retrospect I seem to regularly give "advice" I would consider judgmental or condescending or - to not use such hard words - a bit too intruding afterwards. A friend of mine loves the direct way I use and often asks me for advice because of that. So to echo mr.g's point, it might be a bit of both. so pick out what she says and not how she says it and decide in a calm moment if she's right.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    /e: I would be more like the girl, in retrospect I seem to regularly give "advice" I would consider judgmental or condescending or - to not use such hard words - a bit too intruding afterwards. A friend of mine loves the direct way I use and often asks me for advice because of that. So to echo mr.g's point, it might be a bit of both. so pick out what she says and not how she says it and decide in a calm moment if she's right.

    Ditto, I can often be quite blunt with my advice, not because I don't care, it's often the opposite. It's just I'm not going to be flowery when I think they need to hear the truth.
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