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I'm annoyed and hurt :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Heya,
I'm new to this and haven't written on here before but have just joined.
I feel this will help me not feel like I am alone. I have been cutting since I was 15 and i'm now 19. I have always felt ashamed at myself for hurting myself but I feel like it is the only thing that makes me feel safe
I am a dancer so I have to be careful where I cut because often I'm in skimpy clothes and if anyone at my dance college found out they would think I was a freek. I hate how people look down at other people just because they aren't perfect. I wish I had more confidence to stand up to people because I keep all my anger in and then it builds up until I can't cope with it anymore:crying: I just want to know that I'm not alone I am feeling so scared of what is going to happen in my life, I don't think I am ever going to get better.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this if you have, I really appreciate it.
xx
I'm new to this and haven't written on here before but have just joined.
I feel this will help me not feel like I am alone. I have been cutting since I was 15 and i'm now 19. I have always felt ashamed at myself for hurting myself but I feel like it is the only thing that makes me feel safe
I am a dancer so I have to be careful where I cut because often I'm in skimpy clothes and if anyone at my dance college found out they would think I was a freek. I hate how people look down at other people just because they aren't perfect. I wish I had more confidence to stand up to people because I keep all my anger in and then it builds up until I can't cope with it anymore:crying: I just want to know that I'm not alone
I am feeling so scared of what is going to happen in my life, I don't think I am ever going to get better.Thankyou for taking the time to read this if you have, I really appreciate it.
xx
0
Comments
"Hugs"
Yeh i am struggling, but I feel like I have so much but nothing at all.
Nothing I ever do is good enough to me. I beat myself up all the time. I thought I knew what I wanted to do as a career being a performer on stage....but now I am so scared of failing, and failing my parents that i feel like giving it all up. So much is expected of me and I'm afraid that I am going to break. I am on anti-depressants and still I don't feel any more happy about myself
:crying: thanyou so much for talking :wave:
First of all, you have to decide if you are ready to stop self harming. Because there is no point trying to stop, if you aren't ready. From what you posted, however, I think you probably are. When you feel like you need to self harm, take 10 deep breaths and close your eyes. If, afterwards, you still feel the need, do 10 star jumps. And, if you still do after that squeeze your hands into fists for 10 seconds. And, if you still do after that, flick a rubber band round your wrist or hold an ice cube.
They are only ideas, but I know having a routine to follow when you get stressed/upset can help some people. You just need to find the thing that helps you. Whether it's screaming, music, exercise, meditation, or something else. You need what works for you.
Also, you don't have to live up to what other people expect of you. Live for yourself and no one else, it's your life after all. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to just because a memeber of your family expects you to.
You have done really well to become a dance, I know it is quite hard! Think of all the things you've achieved in life everytime you get down, maybe write them down? When you do feel upset about life, think of all the positive things that have happened, and all the positive things that will happen in the future.
Good luck, keep posting.
Xx
I hope you are doing ok, and I totally agree with BA in that you need to live life for yourself. I know its easy for others to say because we arent in your shoes. But I am in a similar state just now and i can relate to how hard it really is.
Just stay strong and keep posting if you need to. I find it really helps
Welcome to the site and I hope you find posting on here and reading other posts helpful.
I have added some information on Self Harm for you too have a look at.
Is there anyone you could talk to about how you are feeling ? A family member or a close friend ?? It may be good to speak to someone face to face as well as posting on here.
I hope things start to look up for you soon, remember we are all here for you at the site !!! so carry on posting and let us know how you are getting on!!.
Take care.
B:wave:
God end of half term soon, don't want to go back to college, actually dreading it and it's making me panic and not want to sleep.
The cut is scabbing over from where I cut last week on my hip.....is it weird that I don't want it to heal? I keep pinching the scab until it hurts. I feel like a weirdo
Hey there *anna*,
Welcome to the site and thanks for your post. Amongst the self harm that your talking about in relation to yourself there seems to be a few themes or issues that you brought up that are clearly on your mind:
dealing with anger.
expectations from others
striving for perfection
All of which must be very difficult for you to deal with and have maybe led you to self harm to give you a feeling of release or control. Please dont feel like a freak, because you are not!Many people use self harm to cope with feelings.
Have you considered talking to someone professionally about your feelings like you have posted here?here is some information on counselling for you.
But please do feel free to keep posting here and share your thoughts :wave:
Yes I agree with what you have said about why I hurt myself, I feel I have no control over anything else in my life.
I have already been going councelling for a few months, and it does seem to help but I still harm myself but now I atleast have a better understanding of why I do it.
Have alot of passed stuff that could be a reason for it aswell, trying to sort it out with the councellor ..... somehow don't think I'm ever going to be 100% happy with myself though
Hey *Anna*,
Glad to hear that the counselling is helping. It isnt easy sitting and talking about yourself and painfull stuff, but the fact that your doing something about it and addressing your feelings will help empower you in to future.
And with the self harm you will get alot of empathy and understanding from others here who experience the same as you.
keep posting and well done with the counselling:)