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please help me figure out things

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. I love him and i think he's really great but, I just dont' know sometimes.. the fact that he has a lot of female friends (13 to be exact) bothers me and I don't want to feel like they're always going to be in the shadows.. I'm worried that if this relationship goes any further and I possibly marry him that his female firends are always going to be there. I want to be the only girl in his life but, obviosuly that's not going to happen..another thing is that some of them like him and it bothers me that they question him wanting to be with me. Also, he doesn't see anything wrong with hanging out with these girls one-on-one and I think I should be included because I think that they should want to meet me and get to know me. I really don't know what to do because i've talked to him about it and he just said that i'll have to accept it but, i'm not sure i can..IDK why..some of them aren't really attractive or anything but, I think its just wrong to chill with thwm one on one I mean IDK.. i'm so confused

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    would you mind if he hung out with a male friend on on one?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no not at all..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Then to me it looks as though your behaviour is jealousy, and to me it looks a little unreasonable - but I'm sure other board members would disagree.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big Gay wrote: »
    Then to me it looks as though your behaviour is jealousy, and to me it looks a little unreasonable.

    I agree. Lets say he was bi, you wouldn't want him having any friends! I'm sure you have male friends. And it's perfectly fine, I'm pretty sure he loves you too- but if you keep being so possesive he might do something he'll regret.
    Xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could turn the way you view the situation around:

    So he has a lot of female friends and sees them regularly, but for a relationship he has chosen you over all of them. Now that sounds to me like he likes you as more than just a friend- you possess qualities he likes with a good personality!

    I think you need to trust him, otherwise he may feel the need to start seeing his friends behind your back.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    purpledhaze wrote: »
    You could turn the way you view the situation around:

    So he has a lot of female friends and sees them regularly, but for a relationship he has chosen you over all of them. Now that sounds to me like he likes you as more than just a friend- you possess qualities he likes with a good personality!

    I think you need to trust him, otherwise he may feel the need to start seeing his friends behind your back.

    :thumb:

    I'm also inclined to agree with Big Gay on this and you might want to read TheSite.org's article on jealousy.

    Just one line stuck out in your post that I wondered about though:
    I think that they should want to meet me and get to know me

    If a partner has friends that seem to keep their distance from us, I can see how that might feel a little odd. Perhaps you could suggest a night out with a couple of these girls and your boyfriend? I wouldn't say all 13 together as that might be a bit much :p and we can't assume they're mutual friends, but in a relationship there's often scope to meet each other's friends on various occassions. If your boyfriend does think this is a good idea then remember to keep an open mind and to see this girls as potential new friends rather than threats. :)
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