Just want to say something

Former Member · February 2010

I just want to say something out…to make me feel comfortable coz today is a very special day.
I’ve been married to someone for two years since we’ve known each other for 5 years. However, I’ve been not much happy these two years, for we two are pretty different in characters, way of thinking, doing things. I’m a straight person, while he is kinda introvert. I’ve got to be active and quick-tempered, and he ‘s a slowpoke without much talking.

So we have many fall out and arguments on trivial things. Besides, all he like to do at home is to be online, online and online…we did sit down and have some serious conversation later ,but ended up nothing. Some people say it’s complementary for different people, but I wonder why it doesn’t work out for me, why I still feel unhappy.
It often come to my mind that I should leave him, now we had just a baby and I am also in a jobless situation, and as a matter of fact, I’m a little worried about being tough of getting on life alone. It’s not his fault, I know, I try my best to understand him, tolerance with him.
It’s really torture for me, which not for sure whether I really love him, to be honest, I loved someone else before I met my husband, well, he’s married at that time and we’ve kept friendship for years, and I find I have still fancy him, it don’t mean anything for saying this.

Again, it pissed me off by his refusing to do something for me with excuse a few days ago. I just asked him to buy me coffee, I ranted then, and he took it as joke:impissed:
I don’t think there’s good future for our relationship , I can’t figure it out ,nothing seems can cheer me up in my life except my daughter and I can’t see my way out here. It’s not in my control sometimes,I think I’d better focus on my own things from now on,put him aside, in order to get back courage and be happy and strong as I used to be
Sorry for the long chatter…forgive me pls..

Former Member · February 2010

I am sorry to hear you are not happy, its got to be very frustrating and unrewarding to be stuck in a relationship were you are fighting all the time. It really does sound as though you guys are just growing apart so maybe you should think about moving on not only for your sake but also your husband and your child. At the ened of the day though only you know how you really feel and want you really want, deep down i bet you know exactly what you need to do.
Good Luck x

Former Member · February 2010

It's sad how much the internet and/or games seem to damage many relationships these days. I don't know how many threads like this I've seen before and too often they involve people with young children.

I know you've talked with him but have you asked him about how he feels about the child you have together? I had never thought about it but my own bloke has a kid and reading between the lines he felt very useless the first few months and onward, feeling the mother didn't let him get too close so he didn't really bond with her.

Have you ever left the house for a brief while and made him take care of your child while you're gone? It'd probably get him off the computer for a while and perhaps open up for a more constructive dialogue between the two of you. Like when he refused to get coffee, could you have said 'ok, in that case I'll get the coffee while you watch over our child' ? And then perhaps not hurry too much home

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is your fault and I really genuinely believe that if nothing changes that you're better off on your own if this is how he means to live his married life. I know one guy who is a gamer who recently had a child and I'm shocked why his girlfriend is still with him. He talks as if he resents being at home because he can't play the game because of a crying kid and a nagging girlfriend. Says it's her job and blah blah.

I think your guy needs a reality check if this is to work and I think you realise that you can't live like this in the long term.

Former Member · February 2010

Thanks Louisek and Jaloux's advice...
Actually,he does't have to worry about child because his mother is just around here to take care of baby,that's why he feels no constrains to do everything he want.
By fairness, he's just nice and tender, rarely lose his rag to me and family, what i want is he can care more about me and my feelings, which i warned him in a right way all the time. And i feel badly frustrated when he goes all the same.
Quite opposite, i did change myself to be more softer as he said i had a bad temper before. I did as he want me to be.
Well, I can do nothing but let things slide and see what happens

Former Member · February 2010

It sounds as if you have tried very hard to change and become a better person within this relationship its a shame he has'nt been able to do the same he sounds a little imature and i guess his mum living so close does'nt help the situation, i wonder if he even realises that you are feeling this way perhaps sitting down and telling him will give him a reality check. Tough situation thogh i dont envy you trying to decide the best thing to do.

Former Member · February 2010

Yeah I don't ever count on his mother on helping this situation and things like that. And I now feel quite offensive of talking to him who i don't think i should put much effort into more communication and concession...
How obsession, just wanna push damn things away for a while...

Former Member · February 2010

I know how you feel when things get to much, it sounds like you need a holiday on your own. If only though right lol
Just try to stay positive and remind yourself that its not all down to you.
Stay strong and it will all work out one way or the other in the end.

Former Member · February 2010

Thanks Louisek, your words have made me feel better now...
Maybe what i really need is chill-out for a while and figure out what i really want, which totally turns out to be hard and perplexing problem for whole life like what happiness is, and need to learn to be strong and brave whatever happens in the furture....
Very tough..:crying:

Just want to say something

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