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Why am I so confused?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I broke up with my BF of 8 Months, 2 Months ago (it was a mutual "break" at first but i choose to make it permanent) yet he still is in my life.......although it is very different now. He's on FB and we are friends only. I still really care about him (I think he still cares about me...but I could be wrong), I know that's a problem and it is making it very hard for me to move on yet I don't want to lose him as a friend either. Since our break up I have seen him in person twice and both times I found it very uncomfortable to be in the same room so for now I am keeping my distance.
So now I've started dating again and the new guy is also on FB, I did tell him I was still friends with my ex.....I felt I should at least tell him that. I was playing an internet game with the new guy and my ex came on there and was playing too, asking me questions in the chat box and stuff while I was chatting with the new guy....I really didn't know what the heck to do or say....I've only been out with this new guy once so far but we have a second date planned this weekend. He seems kind & nice but so far I am not physically attracted to him.
So does attraction sometimes develop over time? Like I said he seems nice but I wish I found him attractive like I did my ex......
I know I am just rambling but sometimes it helps to write it down and maybe someone else has been in this situation and can give me some advice.
I am 45 and have had very few relationships and my last was by far the best relationship I've had, he was someone to confide in and was always easy to talk too....but this is something I have to figure out on my own.
So now I've started dating again and the new guy is also on FB, I did tell him I was still friends with my ex.....I felt I should at least tell him that. I was playing an internet game with the new guy and my ex came on there and was playing too, asking me questions in the chat box and stuff while I was chatting with the new guy....I really didn't know what the heck to do or say....I've only been out with this new guy once so far but we have a second date planned this weekend. He seems kind & nice but so far I am not physically attracted to him.
So does attraction sometimes develop over time? Like I said he seems nice but I wish I found him attractive like I did my ex......
I know I am just rambling but sometimes it helps to write it down and maybe someone else has been in this situation and can give me some advice.
I am 45 and have had very few relationships and my last was by far the best relationship I've had, he was someone to confide in and was always easy to talk too....but this is something I have to figure out on my own.
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Sorry for this but, sounds to me like you like the ex better. Either that or find someone else. If your not attracted then it can be a struggle sometimes. But maybe thats my youth talking? (am 20 btw)/
Bit like being on the rebound really, as they say.
Harsh or otherwise, that's just my honest view from what you've told us so far,a ndI feel it's a bit wrong to be goign out with anyone for anything but the right reasons. There's never a quick fix for the hangover of relationships past, only time and distance. Quickly finding someone else to wipe away the mess often only leads to more tears later on...
I know I am on the rebound. I also know that after 2 Months it is time to move on, like I said the permanent break up was my decision. I really need to get on with my life.
I don't know if this new guy is right for me or not either but I'll be going out with him again tonight, like I said he seems nice enough, I just wish I was physically more attracted to him. I think I am going to just take things slow and see what happens.
So for those that have moved on from a really good relationship/friendship, how long did it take for you feel comfortable with someone new? With my ex I don't remember ever feeling very uncomfortable even though I hadn't been in a relationship for years prior to him.
Sometimes I think I might be better off ending the freindship with the ex but I just can't do that either!
Yes I am confused!!! :crazyeyes
Actually no, I do not want to get back together with my ex, I did that once already and it didn't work out. No matter what happens that is not an option I would take at this point, the "relationship" part is over. We are adults and I see no reason not to be friends.
If you're not attracted to him there is really no point, and if there's no spark right at the beginning when things are meant to be exciting there is very little chance of it growing later. That's a lesson I learnt when I was 18 and effectively started seeing the first guy who showed interest in me. I think I probably thought 'he seems nice enough, I just wish I was physically more attracted to him' just like you do, but it became increasingly obvious that we just didn't click. I've always felt about guilty about unintentionally stringing him along for that couple of weeks when I should have been honest with myself and him.
I am still friends with my ex. The new guy is very shy and has some past alcohol addiction issues, he is in "the 12 step recovery program" This really doesn't bother me as long as that is in the past and stays there. I really like him as a person but I still am not feeling much attraction to him, he's a great guy and I wish I felt more. He has so much going on right now that although we were talking at least every day either over the phone or on line until the other night. Last night we were going to meet and he was going to call me at 8pm but he didn't. I called his # and left him a messege and got no response yet. We have really conflicting schedules (work and other stuff) so we really don't spend much time together anyway and I am thinking this is as far as this is going to go. So far we've ony gone out for lattes and dinner 4 times always on the weeked, however this weekend schedules are too tight and last night was his only free night to see me prior to my trip next week and as I'll be out of town 5-6 days it will be another week before I even have an opportunity to see him again. Right now I am thinking this is over before it really even starts. I am fine with it either way at this point so I guess I'll just keep the communication line open for now but not hold my breath...LOL.
Ironically I spoke with my ex yesterday about the whole situation with the new guy.....and he offered to talk to the new guy for me.....OMG!!! Did I say my Ex was a sweet guy? Yeah he is, but he's available for someone else.