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Anti-social and low
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
I don't even know what I'm tryin to get out of this, maybe spouting this stuff will make me feel a bit better..
For the past year or so I've constantly felt down, depressed, stuck in a rut.. I have been doing the same shit since I was 16 and it got old a long time ago. I have issues with people, I think I'm shy at first but even if I have met a person a number of times I still find it hard to make conversation and relate to what they're saying. I can't relax around people, I over-analyse things and can sometimes end up looking like a bit of a prick where I try too hard.
Only on the odd occasion I'll find someone where I feel I can fully be myself, I enjoy those moments because it makes me feel normal, but it's rare when it happens.
I know I can be funny, friendly, decent.. I have a fair few good mates, family and know a lot of people, but (asides from my real mates and family) it's as if I put barriers up and I haven't got a clue why. The only times I feel truly at ease when I'm out is if I'm wired off of my face on a number of drugs but that ship has sailed for me now. It's got to the stage where I just can't be fucked to try anymore, I'd rather just sit indoors left to my own devices because there's no real pressure. I take a long time to get used to people.
I'm completely bored of my city and what goes on in it. I'd love to go travelling but I'm too much of a pussy to do it alone, I'm at a stage in my life where my mates are starting to settle.. shack up with girlfriends, get married, have kids etc. so the only option is to either go alone or waste away here. I've never been too successful with girls either, I find it even more difficult to socialise with them than I do with lads. Infact, I've only ever had one girlfriend and it's the only girl I've ever slept with which makes me feel like a complete loser. I have pulled a few times when out, but it never leads anywhere further than a few snogs and txting before it eventually fizzles out because I can't be arsed to make the effort with them - which I know is arse backwards considering the lack of girls makes me feel like a loser.
If I could just sort out the antisocial-ness and relax around people I honestly think I'd be happier. I've tried my hardest to relax, I've stopped trying, I've taken deep breaths.. anything, but none of it works.
I've tried to think positive and have tried to ignore these negative thoughts I have in the past, telling myself to man up and sort myself out because no one likes a morbid twat but I just can't help the way I feel. I can't see the point in it anymore. I've tried to understand myself for years and right now I feel so far away from who I am, almost as if my whole personality has been sapped away and my responses to people are just generic small talk answers.
My confidence is gone, I have zero motivation to do anything, I'm false to other people (ie. pretending to be interested in what they're saying, I'm not two-faced at least) and whilst I'm happy for my mates doing so well with girls, work, life in general I can't help but feel jealous. I can't remember the last time I truly enjoyed myself.
I'm contemplating going to someone but I haven't got a clue where to start. Would anti-depressants sort me out? Is there anywhere I can go to get help with my social anxiety? Will I always be like this?
I'd hate for my family to think I'm a head case so I keep all this stuff silent. To be honest, this anonymous post is the first time I've actually had to balls to admit to myself that something's up and obviously the first time I've ever spoken about it to others.
Well, this didn't really make me feel any better, thanks if you read it all.
I don't even know what I'm tryin to get out of this, maybe spouting this stuff will make me feel a bit better..
For the past year or so I've constantly felt down, depressed, stuck in a rut.. I have been doing the same shit since I was 16 and it got old a long time ago. I have issues with people, I think I'm shy at first but even if I have met a person a number of times I still find it hard to make conversation and relate to what they're saying. I can't relax around people, I over-analyse things and can sometimes end up looking like a bit of a prick where I try too hard.
Only on the odd occasion I'll find someone where I feel I can fully be myself, I enjoy those moments because it makes me feel normal, but it's rare when it happens.
I know I can be funny, friendly, decent.. I have a fair few good mates, family and know a lot of people, but (asides from my real mates and family) it's as if I put barriers up and I haven't got a clue why. The only times I feel truly at ease when I'm out is if I'm wired off of my face on a number of drugs but that ship has sailed for me now. It's got to the stage where I just can't be fucked to try anymore, I'd rather just sit indoors left to my own devices because there's no real pressure. I take a long time to get used to people.
I'm completely bored of my city and what goes on in it. I'd love to go travelling but I'm too much of a pussy to do it alone, I'm at a stage in my life where my mates are starting to settle.. shack up with girlfriends, get married, have kids etc. so the only option is to either go alone or waste away here. I've never been too successful with girls either, I find it even more difficult to socialise with them than I do with lads. Infact, I've only ever had one girlfriend and it's the only girl I've ever slept with which makes me feel like a complete loser. I have pulled a few times when out, but it never leads anywhere further than a few snogs and txting before it eventually fizzles out because I can't be arsed to make the effort with them - which I know is arse backwards considering the lack of girls makes me feel like a loser.
If I could just sort out the antisocial-ness and relax around people I honestly think I'd be happier. I've tried my hardest to relax, I've stopped trying, I've taken deep breaths.. anything, but none of it works.
I've tried to think positive and have tried to ignore these negative thoughts I have in the past, telling myself to man up and sort myself out because no one likes a morbid twat but I just can't help the way I feel. I can't see the point in it anymore. I've tried to understand myself for years and right now I feel so far away from who I am, almost as if my whole personality has been sapped away and my responses to people are just generic small talk answers.
My confidence is gone, I have zero motivation to do anything, I'm false to other people (ie. pretending to be interested in what they're saying, I'm not two-faced at least) and whilst I'm happy for my mates doing so well with girls, work, life in general I can't help but feel jealous. I can't remember the last time I truly enjoyed myself.
I'm contemplating going to someone but I haven't got a clue where to start. Would anti-depressants sort me out? Is there anywhere I can go to get help with my social anxiety? Will I always be like this?
I'd hate for my family to think I'm a head case so I keep all this stuff silent. To be honest, this anonymous post is the first time I've actually had to balls to admit to myself that something's up and obviously the first time I've ever spoken about it to others.
Well, this didn't really make me feel any better, thanks if you read it all.
0
Comments
Good news is, you don't need them. This is somthing psychological, not down to chemical imbalance. You've even half identified the cause, the walls you've hit on a social level. It's somthing you can change.
I am like this (what you wrote), though it doesn't really bother me because I'm a bit of an introvert/loner anyway. It doesn't mean I'm not skilled socially, the opposite really - but excessive socialising drains me and I don't fully fit in anywhere either. I like it, because I don't like people constantly round me wanting my time and full attention but that's just me. I also enjoy the idea of travel, and I am working to facilitate this by joining the Royal Fleet Auxillary/Navy. Perhaps you should see if there are any careers involving travel that you might like?
Just remember, what other people think or whether they "like" you should not effect your self esteem. People change their views all the time, priorities shift and agendas play. What I'm getting at is, the only person that can make you happy and the only person you can truely rely on is you. If you want to be "popular" (Which is really no goal of substance to work toward to be honest), and have more positive social interactions simply try to identify where you are going wrong and ammend them. You said you're good at analysing, so get to it. When you sort that out, then you may find your depression subsides too. Catch 22. Though you may find that's not what you need at all.
It's an illusion a majority of people have - that being liked and surrounded by friends - is what they need. It's false and so many in that situation actually know it. It's walking in the shadow of others, dependent and in need of their approval. Friend's are good to have, if they're good friends (rare commodity). But It's a bad thing to be reliant on other people, yet alot of people say they couldn't live without friends. That's not the case, they just don't see any other way.
I have a few "friends", and I care for them very much but often question if they are the same - without them I'd do alright. That's liberty. Mabye you should start from that point, and get to know people. Let loose your insecurities about not having friends, being awkward or whatever. Just be yourself, and focus on yourself. In my oppinion, a stable and unshakable platform like this will do you the world of good.
It is a sorry and fruitless existence to be geared toward pleasing others, I know, I've been there.
Stephen