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Previous self-harmer - getting those urges again...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everybody :wave:
I self-harmed (cut wrists, arms and legs - to bleed, not to die) about 4 years ago now following quite a traumatic time in my life. I sought counselling which I HATED but got through it. I am now married and have a young son and am completely happy with that. My only problem is alcohol. I don't drink often (like, once every 6 months) but alot of the time when I do (not all the time) I get horrible feelings and do something completely idiotic. I've moved house a number of times because I just can't face people the days or weeks after, I'm so embarrassed and shocked at myself.
Anyway, I was out on Friday night and have seemed to mess up the only friendship I actually have and now she won't talk to me. Doesn't help that she lives just across the road and it's all feeling very uncomfortable. I have also had a massive row with the mother of my Godchildren and she has said she never wants to see or speak to me again, and my husbands entire family hate me, say I'm poison, and want him to get away from me asap.
I'm so scared of this empty feeling which seems to be consuming me atm. I just want to curl up on my own and go away. I feel the need to move again asap to get away from it all, and am finding myself having these same thoughts as I used to and am getting urges to make myself feel pain like I've never felt before. I wasn't sure what else to do cause I made a promise to myself I would never behave in this way now I have the most precious thing in the world (my son) and I'm so scared. Can anyone help or give advice or something..?
I self-harmed (cut wrists, arms and legs - to bleed, not to die) about 4 years ago now following quite a traumatic time in my life. I sought counselling which I HATED but got through it. I am now married and have a young son and am completely happy with that. My only problem is alcohol. I don't drink often (like, once every 6 months) but alot of the time when I do (not all the time) I get horrible feelings and do something completely idiotic. I've moved house a number of times because I just can't face people the days or weeks after, I'm so embarrassed and shocked at myself.
Anyway, I was out on Friday night and have seemed to mess up the only friendship I actually have and now she won't talk to me. Doesn't help that she lives just across the road and it's all feeling very uncomfortable. I have also had a massive row with the mother of my Godchildren and she has said she never wants to see or speak to me again, and my husbands entire family hate me, say I'm poison, and want him to get away from me asap.
I'm so scared of this empty feeling which seems to be consuming me atm. I just want to curl up on my own and go away. I feel the need to move again asap to get away from it all, and am finding myself having these same thoughts as I used to and am getting urges to make myself feel pain like I've never felt before. I wasn't sure what else to do cause I made a promise to myself I would never behave in this way now I have the most precious thing in the world (my son) and I'm so scared. Can anyone help or give advice or something..?
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Comments
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment, as already mentioned distractions can really help you get through the low points and urges. Thesite has some excellent information on self harm, coping tips and distractions.
Do you feel able to talk to your husband about the way you're feeling? I really don't think moving is the answer, maybe it would help to talk about your feelings and try to address the behaviour thats causing your problems? Organisations such as the samaritans can really help by talking things through.
Please keep posting and try taking a look around thesite