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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
firstly, ive having a bit of a brainfuck so if none of this makes sense im sorry.
ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months. im 18 and hes 21. we met through my tutor (im at college doing tech theatre, so a very relaxed and very very open and honest course!) so heres my issue...
he has a gorgeous adorable little boy (who isnt the issue at all), his mother however is a total and utter nightmare. she feels she has the right to constantly ask where my bf is, who hes with what hes doing etc, he obviously ignores the majority of this and over the past few months its pretty much come to a stop. my boyfriend has his little boy as much as possible, at least every weekend and normally a night or two in the week aswell. however with his job as an on the road technician for rock gigs its pretty difficult sometimes.
as i have mentioned shes a nightmare, she constantly dictates what he is and isnt allowed to do with their son, she wont let him keep clothes for him at his house, texts and calls almost constantly through the day to see what theyre doing and how he is etc. obviously she is going to want to know how he is, but surely the odd text throughout the day is all it takes? not about 15-20 per hour. she feels my bf should drop everything the second she snaps her fingers, and if she doesnt get her way everybody knows about it!
so, when i first come onto the scene you can imagine the drama, especially when it all comes spilling out that hes been lying to the both of us. he tells me that she knows, he tells her hes not with anyone. she found out through a mutual friend of theirs (shes a very very bitchy person!) who knew how much shit it would cause. at the end of the day it was good because i found out all the lies and it made him open up to me about their past and present relationship, and he has often come to me for advice since when shes being particually difficult.
I've tried my best to be there for him when he needs it, offering advice and backing off when i need to. i adore his son, hes a beautiful little boy with a gorgeous personality to match.
So when he then says that for their sons birthday yesterday they were going to go out for the day i went along with it and didnt make a fuss about him spending time with her too. he knows my feelings towards her and about the two of them being together for days out etc, but at the same time its his son and if he didnt go then he wouldnt have seen him on his birthday.
Me and my bf then went out last night, had quite a bit to drink and were ready for a snuggly nights sleep. ive had various medical problems and asked him to go and make me a hot water bottle to help with my stomach pains. while he was gone i went onto his phone to get his sisters number to text her and say thankyiu for picking us up. it opened up when i unlocked in into a message from his ex saying what a wonderful day they had had. fair enough i thought, but curiousity got the better of me and i started to read through the rest of them. i know thats totally uncalled for, but i was just looking for a bit of reassurance that i could totally trust him again.
as i looked through one there was one from her saying 'did you enjoy it then' this conversation then led on to him saying yeah he did, sorry it didnt last long he had been really horny. I went absolutley crazy (not helped along by the alcohol of course..) and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. he stormed out of his house leaving me there by myself for about 15 mins. when he finalyl came back he claims i lost the right to know what was going on when i snooped through his things. he knows ive had some major trust issues in the past, and that altho i trust him im very very wary of the two of them together. he finally claimed that they had been getting on much better today (which is what ive always said to him he needed to try, no matter how difficult it was, for the sake of their child) and it was just a joke. i cannot actually understand how that could be a joke, so he explained that she had bent over to pick up some wrapping paper and he had accidnetly walked into her on his way out of the door to go home.
the text conversation stopped as soon as it started to get any further than 'im spent' from him, to which after a while she replied 'do you miss me?' he said yes (which he then claims to me is that of course he misses being with her as he is not seeing his son as much and they were good mates before they broke up). she then said as friends or as feelings and he replied yes again. i broke down at this point and was literally screaming at him to just go and get back with her and have more children (ive just been told theres an 85% chance im infertile, and along with the agonising stomach pains have found it very difficult to have sex) he then said he meant that he would alwayss have feeling for her as she is his childs mother, i understand that totally yet why did he not say that to her??
basically what im asking is... is it worth it? i know if i read this from the outside i would tell myself to get rid of him, but i love him so so much, and apart from this hes a fantastic boyfriend. i really dont know what to do :crying:
ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months. im 18 and hes 21. we met through my tutor (im at college doing tech theatre, so a very relaxed and very very open and honest course!) so heres my issue...
he has a gorgeous adorable little boy (who isnt the issue at all), his mother however is a total and utter nightmare. she feels she has the right to constantly ask where my bf is, who hes with what hes doing etc, he obviously ignores the majority of this and over the past few months its pretty much come to a stop. my boyfriend has his little boy as much as possible, at least every weekend and normally a night or two in the week aswell. however with his job as an on the road technician for rock gigs its pretty difficult sometimes.
as i have mentioned shes a nightmare, she constantly dictates what he is and isnt allowed to do with their son, she wont let him keep clothes for him at his house, texts and calls almost constantly through the day to see what theyre doing and how he is etc. obviously she is going to want to know how he is, but surely the odd text throughout the day is all it takes? not about 15-20 per hour. she feels my bf should drop everything the second she snaps her fingers, and if she doesnt get her way everybody knows about it!
so, when i first come onto the scene you can imagine the drama, especially when it all comes spilling out that hes been lying to the both of us. he tells me that she knows, he tells her hes not with anyone. she found out through a mutual friend of theirs (shes a very very bitchy person!) who knew how much shit it would cause. at the end of the day it was good because i found out all the lies and it made him open up to me about their past and present relationship, and he has often come to me for advice since when shes being particually difficult.
I've tried my best to be there for him when he needs it, offering advice and backing off when i need to. i adore his son, hes a beautiful little boy with a gorgeous personality to match.
So when he then says that for their sons birthday yesterday they were going to go out for the day i went along with it and didnt make a fuss about him spending time with her too. he knows my feelings towards her and about the two of them being together for days out etc, but at the same time its his son and if he didnt go then he wouldnt have seen him on his birthday.
Me and my bf then went out last night, had quite a bit to drink and were ready for a snuggly nights sleep. ive had various medical problems and asked him to go and make me a hot water bottle to help with my stomach pains. while he was gone i went onto his phone to get his sisters number to text her and say thankyiu for picking us up. it opened up when i unlocked in into a message from his ex saying what a wonderful day they had had. fair enough i thought, but curiousity got the better of me and i started to read through the rest of them. i know thats totally uncalled for, but i was just looking for a bit of reassurance that i could totally trust him again.
as i looked through one there was one from her saying 'did you enjoy it then' this conversation then led on to him saying yeah he did, sorry it didnt last long he had been really horny. I went absolutley crazy (not helped along by the alcohol of course..) and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. he stormed out of his house leaving me there by myself for about 15 mins. when he finalyl came back he claims i lost the right to know what was going on when i snooped through his things. he knows ive had some major trust issues in the past, and that altho i trust him im very very wary of the two of them together. he finally claimed that they had been getting on much better today (which is what ive always said to him he needed to try, no matter how difficult it was, for the sake of their child) and it was just a joke. i cannot actually understand how that could be a joke, so he explained that she had bent over to pick up some wrapping paper and he had accidnetly walked into her on his way out of the door to go home.
the text conversation stopped as soon as it started to get any further than 'im spent' from him, to which after a while she replied 'do you miss me?' he said yes (which he then claims to me is that of course he misses being with her as he is not seeing his son as much and they were good mates before they broke up). she then said as friends or as feelings and he replied yes again. i broke down at this point and was literally screaming at him to just go and get back with her and have more children (ive just been told theres an 85% chance im infertile, and along with the agonising stomach pains have found it very difficult to have sex) he then said he meant that he would alwayss have feeling for her as she is his childs mother, i understand that totally yet why did he not say that to her??
basically what im asking is... is it worth it? i know if i read this from the outside i would tell myself to get rid of him, but i love him so so much, and apart from this hes a fantastic boyfriend. i really dont know what to do :crying:
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Comments
Can you really see a happy outcome from this situation!?
I don't agree with snooping but to be honest I have done it, and sometimes it can be worth it as you can find out something you need to know.