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Life is just so ...meh
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My life at the moment is a bit blah. This is probably going to be a bit of a longun so I do apologise, but I found myself chuntering away to myself last night and was starting to get a bit worried about my sanity lol.
When I lived in London my life was far from perfect. My parents were abroad I was pretty much on my own, living in a terrible area, in masses of debt, having a hard time at university/work, was in a really bad relationship and then, when I ended it which needed doing, was on my own for 2 and half years.
I've moved back to the south now, back in with my dad after my mum died. I've got a good job, always got enough cash and can buy luxuries. I'm closer to my family than I've ever been but my life is feeling proper MEH.
My best friend lives in London and I only get to see her maybe... once every two months. She's got no job at the moment and constantly broke and I can't just trek of to London at the drop of a hat. Also when I moved down I had just started a relationship with a guy, who was probably REALLY bad for me and found myself slipping into bad habits I had had with a previous relationship, but that ended pretty badly and we've not spoken since. He lives quite close to my mate so I really don't want to bump into him, in fact I'm a bit scared of him.
Down here I talk to people at work, we've been out a couple of times but it's not like we're going out every weekend. I used to live down here before but I've managed to screw up every relationship with a male friend I've ever had due to a recent and unlike me rise of libido. And any other mate I used to have is still sitting in their garage getting stoned 6/7 years later from when I last saw them. Another friend who I was really close to spent a night we went out sponging drinks of me, groping strange men who then tried to stick their hands down my trousers, got in a fight with a tramp and then the next morning stole £10 out of my purse and left without saying goodbye.
I feel like I only ever have proper romantic relationships when an era is about to change and I'm scared of letting go and I feel like I don't have any proper friends down here. Even going back to London, even though my best friend is a constant and is amazing, everything else has changed. My flatmates from before who I considered myself close to never reply to my emails or texts, same as my old friends in London, who have rallied around and become really good friends with someone who turned their back on me in my darkest hour and now barely communicate. The only other person who seems to care... sort of... is my mate who is extremely annoying and constantly trying to throw himself out of windows moaning his life is crap.
A few years ago I was this good looking, popular person who had this glittering future ahead of them and now it's just plateaued.
I've tried going to evening classes and other things like that but keep finding that it's full of people who have different tastes and we have nothing in common. I think sometimes when people try to get to know me I answer questions truthfully but always end up coming off as snobby or boastful without meaning to. Like people never really give me a chance to get to know me but just make an ill informed decision and then never speak to me again.
I'm not a bad person, some might even say I've got a good personality but at the moment I feel like I really am just "going through the motions" get up, go to work, come home, watch tv, have dinner go to bed. I haven't been out drinking or socialising in a month and a half and even that was a horrific experience (See note about self absorbed friend attempting to throw himself out of window because we told him that none of the new people he'd just met wanted to know about his manic depression and all the times he tried to kill himself).....
anybody got any sage advice on how to sort my life out or at least improve the quality a bit? I'm not a moaner by nature but I've had this bubbling up for the last few months and can't seem to articulate it particularly well and my best mate only knows to nod her head and agree with me.
When I lived in London my life was far from perfect. My parents were abroad I was pretty much on my own, living in a terrible area, in masses of debt, having a hard time at university/work, was in a really bad relationship and then, when I ended it which needed doing, was on my own for 2 and half years.
I've moved back to the south now, back in with my dad after my mum died. I've got a good job, always got enough cash and can buy luxuries. I'm closer to my family than I've ever been but my life is feeling proper MEH.
My best friend lives in London and I only get to see her maybe... once every two months. She's got no job at the moment and constantly broke and I can't just trek of to London at the drop of a hat. Also when I moved down I had just started a relationship with a guy, who was probably REALLY bad for me and found myself slipping into bad habits I had had with a previous relationship, but that ended pretty badly and we've not spoken since. He lives quite close to my mate so I really don't want to bump into him, in fact I'm a bit scared of him.
Down here I talk to people at work, we've been out a couple of times but it's not like we're going out every weekend. I used to live down here before but I've managed to screw up every relationship with a male friend I've ever had due to a recent and unlike me rise of libido. And any other mate I used to have is still sitting in their garage getting stoned 6/7 years later from when I last saw them. Another friend who I was really close to spent a night we went out sponging drinks of me, groping strange men who then tried to stick their hands down my trousers, got in a fight with a tramp and then the next morning stole £10 out of my purse and left without saying goodbye.
I feel like I only ever have proper romantic relationships when an era is about to change and I'm scared of letting go and I feel like I don't have any proper friends down here. Even going back to London, even though my best friend is a constant and is amazing, everything else has changed. My flatmates from before who I considered myself close to never reply to my emails or texts, same as my old friends in London, who have rallied around and become really good friends with someone who turned their back on me in my darkest hour and now barely communicate. The only other person who seems to care... sort of... is my mate who is extremely annoying and constantly trying to throw himself out of windows moaning his life is crap.
A few years ago I was this good looking, popular person who had this glittering future ahead of them and now it's just plateaued.
I've tried going to evening classes and other things like that but keep finding that it's full of people who have different tastes and we have nothing in common. I think sometimes when people try to get to know me I answer questions truthfully but always end up coming off as snobby or boastful without meaning to. Like people never really give me a chance to get to know me but just make an ill informed decision and then never speak to me again.
I'm not a bad person, some might even say I've got a good personality but at the moment I feel like I really am just "going through the motions" get up, go to work, come home, watch tv, have dinner go to bed. I haven't been out drinking or socialising in a month and a half and even that was a horrific experience (See note about self absorbed friend attempting to throw himself out of window because we told him that none of the new people he'd just met wanted to know about his manic depression and all the times he tried to kill himself).....
anybody got any sage advice on how to sort my life out or at least improve the quality a bit? I'm not a moaner by nature but I've had this bubbling up for the last few months and can't seem to articulate it particularly well and my best mate only knows to nod her head and agree with me.
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Comments
make the most of your life as it is. Take up every offer of going out - keep trying with activities - I met nice people through a book club, for example. You don't necessarily have to meet your best friends, but if it's an activity you would want to do anyway it will help enrich your life so you don't just feel like you're living for work.
OR
Make a complete change - you're young, the whole world is available to you, and it won't necessarily be your whole life. I felt much like you a few years ago - like my life wasn't going anywhere- now I live in Turkey and teach at a university. Not going to say everything here is perfect but I certainly don't regret the decisions I made to leave a rubbish small town where I felt my life was standing still.