If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Relationship Reflection
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ive been thinking back a lot these last 2 or so weeks on my last relationship,which I posted a fair bit about.
Im not sure but I think Im in a letting go phase now,I keep remembering all the good times with that warm feeling inside and even after all she said I dont think badly of her at all.
She was a massive part of my life,the first girl Ive ever been serious about and loved and has changed me and my view forever.
But other things I keep thinking about is all the bad stuff too,what happened in our relationship and things that were said,things I said.Not insulting or anything like that but when I think back as I am now I wish I could have said it differently.
And I especially wish the way we ended wasnt so unpleasant too.:(
I think one of the problems was she put all her happiness and future onto me being with her in a way,always worrying if I was gonna leave her or something.
My main issues were with her past reputation and trust issues,seeing as she told me one thing,then told me another and then the real truth eventually.
Also,I think both of us telling each other too much about each others past,her sexual history of sleeping around a lot and mine with drugs and drug abuse led to....Im not sure.Knowing too much about her sexual history fucked my head up a bit,I didnt want to know what she did,who she did it with,where she did and how many times.In the end all I could think about was her with another guy or one of the guys she pointed out to me.
With her and my drugs past anytime I did something unexpected or she didnt like I was "back using" as a druggy.Her whole family thought I was on drugs the whole time and kept telling her to get me tested.(Ive been clean completely since last christmas.)
It also spilled over into her not wanting/letting me see my old mates who I as a wanker blanked a bit while I was with her,because as they did drugs I would go back on them,in her mind.
Maybe its the way Ive grown (a lot) in myself as a person these last few months but in a way I feel I cheated her somehow,I didnt give myself 100% to her or into the relationship.The way I would do and say things now is completely different to the way I did then.
I dunno,I guess Im worried I fucked her up in some way and wasnt as good a boyfriend as I could or should have been even though she said I was the best one she ever had.
I feel she feels that I promised her a lot more and forever,whereas I always said "if" for anything in the future,I dont promise what I cant keep.
But at the same time Ive learnt a good few lessons for any future relationships too and hopefully we will both do well and be happy in our futures.
Im not sure but I think Im in a letting go phase now,I keep remembering all the good times with that warm feeling inside and even after all she said I dont think badly of her at all.
She was a massive part of my life,the first girl Ive ever been serious about and loved and has changed me and my view forever.
But other things I keep thinking about is all the bad stuff too,what happened in our relationship and things that were said,things I said.Not insulting or anything like that but when I think back as I am now I wish I could have said it differently.
And I especially wish the way we ended wasnt so unpleasant too.:(
I think one of the problems was she put all her happiness and future onto me being with her in a way,always worrying if I was gonna leave her or something.
My main issues were with her past reputation and trust issues,seeing as she told me one thing,then told me another and then the real truth eventually.
Also,I think both of us telling each other too much about each others past,her sexual history of sleeping around a lot and mine with drugs and drug abuse led to....Im not sure.Knowing too much about her sexual history fucked my head up a bit,I didnt want to know what she did,who she did it with,where she did and how many times.In the end all I could think about was her with another guy or one of the guys she pointed out to me.
With her and my drugs past anytime I did something unexpected or she didnt like I was "back using" as a druggy.Her whole family thought I was on drugs the whole time and kept telling her to get me tested.(Ive been clean completely since last christmas.)
It also spilled over into her not wanting/letting me see my old mates who I as a wanker blanked a bit while I was with her,because as they did drugs I would go back on them,in her mind.
Maybe its the way Ive grown (a lot) in myself as a person these last few months but in a way I feel I cheated her somehow,I didnt give myself 100% to her or into the relationship.The way I would do and say things now is completely different to the way I did then.
I dunno,I guess Im worried I fucked her up in some way and wasnt as good a boyfriend as I could or should have been even though she said I was the best one she ever had.
I feel she feels that I promised her a lot more and forever,whereas I always said "if" for anything in the future,I dont promise what I cant keep.
But at the same time Ive learnt a good few lessons for any future relationships too and hopefully we will both do well and be happy in our futures.
0
Comments
P.s advise me on my post 'what to do?' if you'd like to! Thanks