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Abortion - the truth..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I'm writing this post for two reasons - 1) I want to help people who were in the same position as me.. 2) I want to get it off my chest and speak about it..
It all began on the 29th August, it was meant to be a good day as we were moving house but instead I received news that will change my life forever. Thinking about it now, I'd walk down the road and sometimes cup my stomach like a pregnant woman usually does.. My boyfriend of 14 months helped us move house and when I went home I decided to nip to the shops and get pluck up the courage to buy a test. I went to the toilets of the shop and did the test, the moment I seen the results I felt physically sick. I walked to the park nex to my house, sat on a bench and rang my boyfriend, he said he'd come round to mine. We continously discussed our options but I knew he didn't want to keep baby. I'm 17 years of age and currently in my second year of college. He's two years older and has a good job, however, he wants to get somewhere in life and I suppose he looked at it from the sensible point of view. We then went to the shop again and did a test which showed I was 6 weeks pregnant. The next day, I told my Mum and although I was so scared she was amazing. She said she had an idea that I was and was going to ask me about it, however, she'd be there for me regardless of my decision. I told my boyfriend I was confused and he said he'd be there for me no matter what, however, he didn't think we were ready, financially or mentally. We booked a doctors appointment and arranged for my first part of the abortion - the first pill. They confirmed I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and the 30 minute wait at reception was the worst of my life.. I asked my boyfriend a few times if we could just leave and he just ignored me - however, i don't believe this was because he was being selfish, I feel he genuinely was scared. My Mum took me for the second part of my termination - the worst day of my life. It is nothing like they describe, I couldn't walk/stand, I lay there in agonising pain and was even sick whilst going to the toilet, the pain was out of control, however, my mum was so amazing. On the way to the abortion clinic she said if i didn't 100% want to do it we could turn around, however, i explained that as i'd taken the first tablet my pregnancy was basically ended anyway. A week later i received a call from my brother explaining that his girlfriend was 6 weeks pregnant, i felt SICK. I'd just killed my baby and was going to have to see my brother bring up his, although i felt so upset i said i was happy etc. Sadly, 3 days later she had a miscarriage.
Everytime I see a baby i still automatically clutch my stomach, as if i am still pregnant. I regret my decision so much, okay so I wouldn't have been able to go to university and lead a normal 17 year olds life but i wouldn't feel the hurt and regret every single day.. Every day i think about how old my baby would now be ( i'd be 3 months pregnant today.. )
If you feel alone and afraid please do speak to someone because although it feels like when you have it done it will be over, it's far from that - you may be reminded of this for the rest of your life. I know i will..
It all began on the 29th August, it was meant to be a good day as we were moving house but instead I received news that will change my life forever. Thinking about it now, I'd walk down the road and sometimes cup my stomach like a pregnant woman usually does.. My boyfriend of 14 months helped us move house and when I went home I decided to nip to the shops and get pluck up the courage to buy a test. I went to the toilets of the shop and did the test, the moment I seen the results I felt physically sick. I walked to the park nex to my house, sat on a bench and rang my boyfriend, he said he'd come round to mine. We continously discussed our options but I knew he didn't want to keep baby. I'm 17 years of age and currently in my second year of college. He's two years older and has a good job, however, he wants to get somewhere in life and I suppose he looked at it from the sensible point of view. We then went to the shop again and did a test which showed I was 6 weeks pregnant. The next day, I told my Mum and although I was so scared she was amazing. She said she had an idea that I was and was going to ask me about it, however, she'd be there for me regardless of my decision. I told my boyfriend I was confused and he said he'd be there for me no matter what, however, he didn't think we were ready, financially or mentally. We booked a doctors appointment and arranged for my first part of the abortion - the first pill. They confirmed I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and the 30 minute wait at reception was the worst of my life.. I asked my boyfriend a few times if we could just leave and he just ignored me - however, i don't believe this was because he was being selfish, I feel he genuinely was scared. My Mum took me for the second part of my termination - the worst day of my life. It is nothing like they describe, I couldn't walk/stand, I lay there in agonising pain and was even sick whilst going to the toilet, the pain was out of control, however, my mum was so amazing. On the way to the abortion clinic she said if i didn't 100% want to do it we could turn around, however, i explained that as i'd taken the first tablet my pregnancy was basically ended anyway. A week later i received a call from my brother explaining that his girlfriend was 6 weeks pregnant, i felt SICK. I'd just killed my baby and was going to have to see my brother bring up his, although i felt so upset i said i was happy etc. Sadly, 3 days later she had a miscarriage.
Everytime I see a baby i still automatically clutch my stomach, as if i am still pregnant. I regret my decision so much, okay so I wouldn't have been able to go to university and lead a normal 17 year olds life but i wouldn't feel the hurt and regret every single day.. Every day i think about how old my baby would now be ( i'd be 3 months pregnant today.. )
If you feel alone and afraid please do speak to someone because although it feels like when you have it done it will be over, it's far from that - you may be reminded of this for the rest of your life. I know i will..
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Comments
We all make decisions that we feel are the best at the time. There are plenty of people here who have been through terminations, me included, so feel free to talk about it further if you need to.
It's great that you have been able to come to TheSite's boards to speak about your abortion and be so open and honest about your experiences and feelings. And you are right, in that it will help people who are in the same position as you.
Sound's like things have been difficult for you and that you have been feeling regret every day. As Suzycreamcheese has said, everyone makes decisions that they believe are right at the time. It seems like you have had to be very brave and also that you have got some good support around you.
Thesite has an information page about deal with an abortion - some of the advice and links on there may be able to help you?
Your advice about speaking to someone if feeling lonely or afraid is great advice :yes: We hope that you too are able to keep talking about your experiences and that in time you will begin to feel less regretful and look forward to your future.
Keep posting and take care -
Good luck, i hope this helps.
I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time coming to terms with what's happened to you. I hope you and your boyfriend and mother can continue to talk it through and support each other.
I just wanted to leave a few resources I know about, for you and anyone else reading this who's dealing with a similar issue.
Marie Stopes provides comprehensive help for those deciding whether or not to get an abortion. For those in the position of having lost a baby - either through abotion or miscarriage - there is Babyloss or Open Doors.
Thanks so much for your post. I think you've given and received some very good advice. I do want to stress that you're not alone here. And many young women come to feel that abortion was the right decision for everyone, even if they had a hard time with it at the beginning. I really really hope that you can soon make peace with it.