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Bad friend?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I got married earlier this year but I had a really small wedding with immediate family only & didn't invite any friends.
About a month later my best friend said that she was getting married in June next year and asked me to be her chief bridesmaid. I was really happy for her and really glad to be asked to be chief bridesmaid, especially considering I hadn't even invited her to my wedding. Apparently on my wedding day my friend was crying that she wasn't able to be at my wedding
Afew weeks after announcing her wedding she decided that she didn't want to do the whole big white wedding thing as it was proving to be really expensive, and they have decided to get married in mauritius (they were going there for their honeymoon so decided to get married there as well to save the cost of a huge wedding here and then a honeymoon as well). They invited just me and my hubby along with their parents. None of their parents are going as they can't afford it. We said we would probably go and we looked into costs etc. It was going to be really expensive but we wanted to go. Anyway this was back in June/July and then loads of crap happened at home which has caused a strain on my marriage. We have decided we really can't afford to go to mauritius and we really want to go away somewhere instead as a couple.
My friend knows all about what has happened but I feel really bad about telling her we won't be going to mauritius. I feel awful that she will be on her own on her wedding day getting ready etc on her own. I would love to see her get married but we just can't afford it, but had we booked sooner we might have been able to and I really don't want my friend thinking that we don't care and never intended to go etc. I need to tell her as she deserves to know but I just feel so bad I helped her chose her wedding dress and she was saying at the time that I had to go to mauritius to help her get into the dress. I know I never said we would definately be going, and her own parents can't afford to go, and it is alot to ask someone to go to mauritius but I don't want to let her down
About a month later my best friend said that she was getting married in June next year and asked me to be her chief bridesmaid. I was really happy for her and really glad to be asked to be chief bridesmaid, especially considering I hadn't even invited her to my wedding. Apparently on my wedding day my friend was crying that she wasn't able to be at my wedding
Afew weeks after announcing her wedding she decided that she didn't want to do the whole big white wedding thing as it was proving to be really expensive, and they have decided to get married in mauritius (they were going there for their honeymoon so decided to get married there as well to save the cost of a huge wedding here and then a honeymoon as well). They invited just me and my hubby along with their parents. None of their parents are going as they can't afford it. We said we would probably go and we looked into costs etc. It was going to be really expensive but we wanted to go. Anyway this was back in June/July and then loads of crap happened at home which has caused a strain on my marriage. We have decided we really can't afford to go to mauritius and we really want to go away somewhere instead as a couple.My friend knows all about what has happened but I feel really bad about telling her we won't be going to mauritius. I feel awful that she will be on her own on her wedding day getting ready etc on her own. I would love to see her get married but we just can't afford it, but had we booked sooner we might have been able to and I really don't want my friend thinking that we don't care and never intended to go etc. I need to tell her as she deserves to know but I just feel so bad
I helped her chose her wedding dress and she was saying at the time that I had to go to mauritius to help her get into the dress. I know I never said we would definately be going, and her own parents can't afford to go, and it is alot to ask someone to go to mauritius but I don't want to let her down 0
Comments
I know you don't want to let her down, but there are just two options: go or not go. And if you can't go and they are doing the mauritius thing 100% then I would rather tell her sooner than later.
ive got some really bad news to tell you. I really cant afford to come to mauritius. im so so sorry.
Just tell her, while she may be disappointed I'm sure she won't hold it against you in the long run.
If it was THAT important to them to get married in front of their close families and friends then they could go to the local register office, not expect people to pay to go half way across the world. Mauritius is their choice, not your problem!
Is she having a party for when he gets back for those who couldn't attend the wedding? If she is then maybe you and other friends could join together and do something really special for her then and get together a special gift before she goes, maybe with things like something old, blue, borrowed etc
I told her today and she was disappointed and she didn't say anything about how she understands it would cost us alot etc, I said me and my hubby wanted to go away to celebrate our anniversary but it wouldn't be somewhere so far away or so expensive. I feel horrible but we did carry on chatting for a good two hours or more afterwards, and I made it obvious that I was really interested in hearing how the plans are going and we talked about planning her hen party and she said I had some good ideas.
She is having a party when she gets back. Her dress is due to arrive in December and I said I will take her (she can't drive) to have it fitted etc. I am glad I've been honest but I know she is disappointed. I suggested she asks some of her other friends but she said she only wanted me (we have been best mates for 13 years). On the plus she has never been abroad with her fiancee even though they have been together for nearly 8 years, so I said it will be lovely and romantic the two of them together in mauritius for their wedding.
That would have been a major slap in the face for your best mate and if I was your best mate id be thinking 'do you actually still wanna be mates?'
Just with friendships its ment to be 50/50 a lil give and take but from the sounds of it you aint really giving her much back.
Just if I was you and I still wanna be close to your best mate to have a talk with her and explain clearly why you wont be going to her wedding.
Anyways just my opinion and am probable way off.
Sounds way off to me.
It's a lot of your friend to ask to expect you to pay to go to Mauritius to attend their wedding. It's a bit much for them to decide that a big wedding would have been too expensive, but not bat an eyelid at having friends pay to travel.
If she wants you to attend that badly, she should fund it. If she can't fund it, she should accept that you can't always have everything.
2) We looked into lots of deals for the trip to mauritius and the average cost was £2500 for ONE week (my friend didn't want us there the second week as she wanted it to be just the two of them for their honeymoon). A long way to go and a lot of money and that didn't include insurance, transfers, spending money, new passport etc.
3) My friend knows the problems I've had this year and she said she a while ago that me and my hubby really need to get away.
At the end of the day I am the only one of my friends who has a mortgage to pay for, me and my hubby earn way less than my mate and her other half and we were asked to go very soon after our own wedding. We'd been skint for ages while planning our own wedding so to then get that all over with and paid for and then be asked this as well, it wasn't exactly the best timing. You can be a good mate to someone with flashing the cash, I've been supportive in every other way with my friend!
That said, I know how it sounds and now I feel like crap
That's not to say their choice is unreasonable - everyone should have the wedding of their choice. But having chosen Mauritius, it would then be very unreasonable to throw your teddy out of the pram when your friends can't afford to come, or won't sacrifice other things to be there.
£2500 is an insane amount of money to spend going to someone else's wedding. In my opinion, you don't even need to justify why you're not going - it's obvious. And if she can't understand that, then she's a bad friend.
So what, she lies to her friend, her friend finds out and is even more pissed off that she lied to her? Not the best way to go about this situation.
I personally think (agreeing with jamelia) that she would be a bad friend if she didnt understand. 2500 is ALOT of money to pay not including insurance, passports, and everything else. Yes its her wedding, but 2500 is very excessive. I mean she obviously wants her wedding to be perfect, but she must of known that the reprocusions of going away for it would be not having all the people she wanted there.
Just make sure you can make you get stuck into the wedding planning as much, help her out
exactly. And shes been ok about it, albeit a bit disappointed, so its all worked out alright.
I think you should tell your friend you cannot go, and maybe do something nice for her when she comes back? With her partner and yours... Maybe go to a spa thing for couples for a day/weekend or dinner etc etc