Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Housewarming and flatmates

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
So I don't wanna write a long whingey message, I'm gonna list all the things my flatmate does that pisses me off:


  • Puts me down in front of people we both know
  • Corrects me constantly
  • Tells my other flatmate he doesn't feel comfortable with him wearing his traditional Indian clothes
  • Tells my other flatmate his music is shit
  • Told me basically that somebody I like would never like me
  • Tells me I can't use soap nuts to wash my clothes, which I wanna do because I think I am allergic to the other stuff he bought and hate the smell
  • Is starting to get aggressive about making a point
  • Tells my flatmate he isn't allowed to sign to himself
  • He will not let me cook sometimes
  • He doesn't seem to be able to stand to see anyone happy
  • He basically told me because I work in a jobcentre, I can't see people as human

Amongst other things.

I just can't be arsed with him now, so I am looking for a way out of doing the housewarming as a lot of his friends are gonna go. I also think he has been stirring trouble with me and somebody else, he seems to be annoyed if I mention her as a friend and posessive...

This is making me unhappy. I actively avoid him, I think he's a self-absorbed control freak and has no right either to be a dick about my other flatmate because of culture.

So any ideas on how I can get out of the flatwarming without causing too much fuss...

And how I can just get away from him until the tennancy break off clause?

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest all those things are pissy little things. Probably just inflated because you're living together.

    Puts me down in front of people we both know
    Corrects me constantly
    So stand up for yourself. Are you a doormat?

    Tells my other flatmate he doesn't feel comfortable with him wearing his traditional Indian clothes
    Tells my other flatmate his music is shit

    Is your flatmate a doormat?

    Told me basically that somebody I like would never like me

    Come on. You're not 15 any more.

    Tells me I can't use soap nuts to wash my clothes, which I wanna do because I think I am allergic to the other stuff he bought and hate the smell

    So? Screw him. It's your washing, use whatever you want.

    Is starting to get aggressive about making a point

    Not sure what you mean about that. Avoidance is no bad thing, then.

    Tells my flatmate he isn't allowed to sign to himself

    Are you all doormats?

    Seriously. You all need to grow some balls and just stand up for yourselves. If he's that bad towards you all, then be united about it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do stick up for myself and he gets aggressive and shouts, or puts me down more. I'm worried this might escalate to violence or worse arguments.

    But this is constant constant. I mean it literally doesn't stop. I already have enough on my plate and mental health concerns, as well as health concerns for my post-op flatmate.

    I work in a Jobcentre, so am used to aggressive and patronising people, but at the same time I just can't be arsed at home.

    So I'm not a wuss... In fact I'm very laid back usually. But this guy is really being controlling and we don't want to ruin the balance of the household, so need to diffuse it peacefully.

    But it's mostly the flatwarming I wanna avoid.

    I have tried defiance and arguments, now I am avoiding him.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist I think you're being a little harsh.

    Namaste- after having trouble last year I can sympathise with what you're saying. It's made all the more worse with that you have to live with them, when really you should feel comfortable in your own home. Does your other housemate have a problem with him too? I'm guessing that they do after what you've mentioned. Would you both be able to take him to one side and tell him it isn't on?

    Also next time he puts you down, I think it's best to tackle it on the spot. Even if it is in front of friends. Just ask him what his problem is and tell him you don't appreciate being put down. I know it's tough but it seems like you just have to let him know in no uncertain terms that you really dislike it. If he is putting you down in front of other people then he is making himself look very ridiculous and is only embarassing himself. Asserting yourself on the spot will probably get a jokey/wind up response initially but I bet he will be quite shocked that you have retailiated.

    As for cooking, do you have to eat together? I would just cook my own food and let him get on with his. The party..just don't go. Say you already have plans/are busy/whatever and go do something fun instead. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »
    Mist I think you're being a little harsh.

    Maybe, but I have been in a similar situation with a pissy housemate. They are bullies, pushing on the weak, and the only way to beat them is to stand up to them and not let them take control.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    Maybe, but I have been in a similar situation with a pissy housemate. They are bullies, pushing on the weak, and the only way to beat them is to stand up to them and not let them take control.

    Yeah I completely agree. But it can still be very difficult, especially when you feel intimidated by someone you live with.
Sign In or Register to comment.